Day off...sick kids...

[Anonymous]

Was this wrong of me....it was my only day off and I get a call in the early morning...the kids are puking and have a bug going on. The parents asked me to come over and help...I had plans and said no! Is it wrong that I don't want to take care of there sick kids when they can bc they have the day off?!? I don't want to get sick!!! I feel like they are mad bc I said no right away.

[Anonymous]

They should not have called you on your day off.

[Anonymous]

Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

[Anonymous]

OP - They were not sick! Just both kids...I don't think they like to handle the kids, which is sad. It's not my problem though when they are sick and it's my day off.
I can't afford to get sick!

[Anonymous]

MB here - you are not in the wrong at all. They shouldn't be mad at you. There might be no harm in asking (e.g. you might have welcomed the opportunity to make more money), but they should accept that they need to be capable of looking after their own kids even if those kids are sick. Don't let them guilt-trip you. You could always say/email something like "I'm was sorry to hear DC was sick. I know you felt you needed some help but I already had plans and my day off gives me the time I need to recharge my batteries. I hope you understand." BTW, why do you only have one day off? If it's your only job, that wouldn't seem right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - They were not sick! Just both kids...I don't think they like to handle the kids, which is sad. It's not my problem though when they are sick and it's my day off.
I can't afford to get sick!

And they thought they could just pay you to be the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

It would be nice if it were as simple as the parents just asking and nanny saying no, but most of us know that it just isn't. There is always a level of guilt that comes with saying no (hence this thread) and a level of resentment that the parents know its their employees day off and still feel entitled to ask anyways. Unless it is a dire emergency or something incredibly unexpected came up, parents really should not be contacting the nanny on her day off at all, especially not to come in on their day off/ask where Jack's missing shoe is/to see if they can stay late in three weeks. Boundaries seem to be impossible to establish in this field and, more often than not, it's because the employers can not seem to adhere to them. It's just unfair to put your nanny in these kind of situations.

[Anonymous]

I think it comes down to the people involved. I personally would not bat an eye if my MB or DB asked me if I wanted to work on my day off, because I know how they'd phrase it ("We wanted to see if you'd like any extra hours...") and wouldn't make me feel guilty, but I also know nanny employers who do play the guilt card (which I agree is inappropriate).

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you should feel bad at all for saying no. It was your day off and I don't blame you for not wanting to get sick. The parents probably just didn't want to take care of their sick kids, which I've dealt with many times and it's really sad. Kudos to you for saying no. Even if the parents were also sick, it's still the OP's day off and they shouldn't have called her thinking that she would want to come in on her only day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

It would be nice if it were as simple as the parents just asking and nanny saying no, but most of us know that it just isn't. There is always a level of guilt that comes with saying no (hence this thread) and a level of resentment that the parents know its their employees day off and still feel entitled to ask anyways. Unless it is a dire emergency or something incredibly unexpected came up, parents really should not be contacting the nanny on her day off at all, especially not to come in on their day off/ask where Jack's missing shoe is/to see if they can stay late in three weeks. Boundaries seem to be impossible to establish in this field and, more often than not, it's because the employers can not seem to adhere to them. It's just unfair to put your nanny in these kind of situations.

If both the nanny and the family are professional, then there is no harm in asking. If you really think this then you need to grow up.
As an MB I have never written my nanny on her day off (actually I called once to see if she knew where the diaper bag was and she had accidentally taken it home with her, but I digress) but if an emergency arose I would totally feel reasonable calling to see if our nanny would be able to help. But I would not be put out if a) our nanny didn't answer the phone or b) she had plans and could not do so. Likewise, my nanny wouldn't be pissed either.

If you really feel this antagonistic and/or overly emotionally entwined with your MB/DB, that is sad. But it not necessary or even normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

It would be nice if it were as simple as the parents just asking and nanny saying no, but most of us know that it just isn't. There is always a level of guilt that comes with saying no (hence this thread) and a level of resentment that the parents know its their employees day off and still feel entitled to ask anyways. Unless it is a dire emergency or something incredibly unexpected came up, parents really should not be contacting the nanny on her day off at all, especially not to come in on their day off/ask where Jack's missing shoe is/to see if they can stay late in three weeks. Boundaries seem to be impossible to establish in this field and, more often than not, it's because the employers can not seem to adhere to them. It's just unfair to put your nanny in these kind of situations.

If both the nanny and the family are professional, then there is no harm in asking. If you really think this then you need to grow up.
As an MB I have never written my nanny on her day off (actually I called once to see if she knew where the diaper bag was and she had accidentally taken it home with her, but I digress) but if an emergency arose I would totally feel reasonable calling to see if our nanny would be able to help. But I would not be put out if a) our nanny didn't answer the phone or b) she had plans and could not do so. Likewise, my nanny wouldn't be pissed either.

If you really feel this antagonistic and/or overly emotionally entwined with your MB/DB, that is sad. But it not necessary or even normal.

Did you actually read the post, or did you just pick and choose the parts that you didn't like? Or perhaps it's just a bit of a stretch for you to see things from a different perspective. Either way, my point was that nanny/employer relations are often NOT the perfect, professional ones you are apparently used to. There is harm in asking because, more often than not, it turns into a guilt trip. And, again this would require some reading comprehension, I said that it is perfectly acceptable to call/text in emergency situations. Sick children, as in OPs case, arent aemergency and now she is left feeling bad for taking her well earned day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they sick too? If so, I can understand. If not, then don't feel bad at all and enjoy your day off!

What can you understand?

I can understand that if the parents are puking right along with the children that they might have asked her if she could come in. Not demanded, just asked.
She also has the right to say no and that is perfectly understandable as well.

It would be nice if it were as simple as the parents just asking and nanny saying no, but most of us know that it just isn't. There is always a level of guilt that comes with saying no (hence this thread) and a level of resentment that the parents know its their employees day off and still feel entitled to ask anyways. Unless it is a dire emergency or something incredibly unexpected came up, parents really should not be contacting the nanny on her day off at all, especially not to come in on their day off/ask where Jack's missing shoe is/to see if they can stay late in three weeks. Boundaries seem to be impossible to establish in this field and, more often than not, it's because the employers can not seem to adhere to them. It's just unfair to put your nanny in these kind of situations.

If both the nanny and the family are professional, then there is no harm in asking. If you really think this then you need to grow up.
As an MB I have never written my nanny on her day off (actually I called once to see if she knew where the diaper bag was and she had accidentally taken it home with her, but I digress) but if an emergency arose I would totally feel reasonable calling to see if our nanny would be able to help. But I would not be put out if a) our nanny didn't answer the phone or b) she had plans and could not do so. Likewise, my nanny wouldn't be pissed either.

If you really feel this antagonistic and/or overly emotionally entwined with your MB/DB, that is sad. But it not necessary or even normal.

Do you know what the word "if" means? It means that the rest of your statement is contingent upon the "if" statement being true. I'm sure we can both agree, that it is not always true. The nanny/employer relationship is VERY personal, and lines are crossed constantly that would be completely inappropriate in a corporate setting. In an emergency situation, this may be acceptable, but otherwise take care of it yourself. A nanny is too much at the mercy of her employers for them to "ask" for favors like this. Many nannies would feel that they truly had no choice in the matter, even if you meant it as a true request. Now OP is concerned that her employers will be upset and will hold this against her, and its not a position she should have ever been put in.