I'm a gay nanny!

[Anonymous]

...and the family I work for doesn't know. I realize that my romantic life is MY business and I should be professional about this, but I feel awkward sometimes.
For example, I feel weird when one of the kids asks if I have a boyfriend, or if MB asks what I'm up to for the long weekend (I was going away to the beach w/ my girlfriend), and I have to lie. Because the truth is I have a significant other who is a big part of my life and it's weird hiding it completely.

I feel I can't be casual about mentioning my SO when being around MB, DB, and the kids, and I'm wondering...SHOULD I hide it still? Am I being paranoid?

[Anonymous]

Yes, because if you were my nanny, I would not want you to discuss it with my children.

[Anonymous]

So I could tell the kids 'yes I have a boyfriend,' but it would offend you if I told them, 'actually, I have a girlfriend,'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because if you were my nanny, I would not want you to discuss it with my children.

Is this the kind of employer you want to work with OP? I highly doubt she would have the same issue with a nanny talking about her boyfriend/husband if it came up. I don't think there's any need to make a big "I'm gay" announcement, but next time they ask abut your plans/significant other I think you should be honest. Be prepared for fallout, but denying who you are is an awful way to live.

[Anonymous]

Troll? Who talks about their personal love life here?

[Anonymous]

Troll? Just wow.

This has been eating away at me for awhile. I HATE the feeling of having to hide an integral part of me. And I'm not necessarily talking about my love life, I'm really talking about being able to just be who I am without the myriad little lies I make myself tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because if you were my nanny, I would not want you to discuss it with my children.

Is this the kind of employer you want to work with OP? I highly doubt she would have the same issue with a nanny talking about her boyfriend/husband if it came up. I don't think there's any need to make a big "I'm gay" announcement, but next time they ask abut your plans/significant other I think you should be honest. Be prepared for fallout, but denying who you are is an awful way to live.

And thanks for saying that. Made me feel much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll? Just wow.

This has been eating away at me for awhile. I HATE the feeling of having to hide an integral part of me. And I'm not necessarily talking about my love life, I'm really talking about being able to just be who I am without the myriad little lies I make myself tell.

If this is true, OP, have a private talk with your employer and tell her. There are lots of families who would love to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll? Just wow.

This has been eating away at me for awhile. I HATE the feeling of having to hide an integral part of me. And I'm not necessarily talking about my love life, I'm really talking about being able to just be who I am without the myriad little lies I make myself tell.

If this is true, OP, have a private talk with your employer and tell her. There are lots of families who would love to have you.

Thank you for saying that. I don't know if I'll find the courage. It's easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because if you were my nanny, I would not want you to discuss it with my children.

Agreed. Keep it to yourself. It is YOUR private life and you do not need to inflict your lifestyle choice on those children.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you have plans with a friend. Is it really necessary for your employer to know this friend is actually your lover? You're creating drama where it's not needed.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

OP, if keeping your personal life private is bothering you, and I understand why it would if you've worked with this family for a while, I think you should tell the mom (next time the child asks about you having a boyfriend) that her child has asked several times whether you have a boyfriend, and you're unsure of how to answer because you're gay and have a girlfriend. Ask her how she would like you to handle it. Depending on the age of the kids, the parents may not want the kids to learn what it means to be gay, because in order to understand what that means, they would need to understand that some relationships are sexual and some aren't. That's a conversation that goes well beyond you, and should really involve the parents.

If you were my nanny, I think I'd be okay with you answering my child's inquiry by saying that you don't have a boyfriend but you do have a special girlfriend that you like to spend time with. If you were married to a same sex partner, I'd also be okay with you mentioning your wife to my kids, because I think kids understand the concept of families (and the fact that families can take many different forms) before they are ready to understand sexual intimacy or even just the fact that some same-gender relationships are categorically different from others. At any rate, I would want to know before you make any disclosure to the children, so I could be prepared to support their potential curiosity with additional information and also work with you on how much information is enough based on their ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you have plans with a friend. Is it really necessary for your employer to know this friend is actually your lover? You're creating drama where it's not needed.

I have a male friend that I have had over before, and had my MB (that I live with) and her friends casually ask if we were seeing each other. I said no because we aren't but I think that saying "friend" is just fine. If your MB thought it might be a girlfriend that you are dating, she might either make a casual comment that indicates she thinks it is sweet that you have someone, or if she questions it in another way (where you think she might not like the idea of it), you could find out her true colors and decide what you wanted to say then (either lying to protect your position if need be, or telling the truth and potentially having her fire you - which would not be a big loss in the grand scheme of things, you would be better off without her).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

I'm glad to hear he has "since come around" as a gay lifestyle is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

I'm glad to hear he has "since come around" as a gay lifestyle is normal.

A relatively small % of people are gay compared to the entire population. So it is certainly not the norm