Nanny eating me out of house and home- how do I broach this with her w/o being offensive?

[Anonymous]

I have a live-out nanny who I hired about 2 months ago. She is in my home from 9 to 5 (or sometimes 6:30). I fully expect her to eat lunch during this time, but I have never told her she could eat our food. Since we have hired her, we have been going through bread, eggs, pasta, and candy significantly faster. My DH doesn't think I should begrudge her some lunch on us because she's running around with the kids all day and told me if I wanted to tell her to stop eating I would have to be the one to do it. I wouldn't mind her having a slice of toast or something, but she's not a big girl. With all of this food gone I can only guess that she's basically eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at my home.

I have three kids, but I know for a fact she isn't feeding all of this to the kids. In fact, when she makes them pizza and/or mazaroni I've seen her take about a third or what she prepares for herself.

How can I broach this topic with her without being totally awkward? I don't think I'm being that unreasonable. She has time to pack a lunch and snacks on her own dime.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's a way to not be awkward about it...you could try being less direct, like say, "Oh just so you know, I cleared some room in the fridge in case you wanted to keep your lunches in there!"

Or just stop buying things she's likely to gobble up.

[Anonymous]

If you didn't say she could eat your food, she shouldn't be. It's probably not malicious though- she may just be too young to think to pack food. Just ask flat out that she not eat your food.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sorry OP, but there really isn't a way to bring it up that won't be awkward. Is she young? If so, she probably doesn't understand how much feeding a family costs and the inconvenience of running out of food unexpectedly.
Your not being unreasonable, but there isn't a a great way to approach it. Maybe as a compromise you could offer to pick up a few things for her (cereal, sandwich fixings, fruit...) and say "that way we don't have any mix ups for what DH and I want to keep around for our work lunches / dinner" Then at least she probably wouldn't eat any of the other stuff.

[Anonymous]

It's standard for nannies/babysitters to eat what the children are eating however, if you didn't tell her she could help herself then I don't think it's fair for her to eat all that food so I'd just let her no that you'd prefer if she brought her own lunches/dinners. Tell her she can help herself to a drink or a snack but meals are not provided. Don't say it the way I worded it though lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah sorry OP, but there really isn't a way to bring it up that won't be awkward. Is she young? If so, she probably doesn't understand how much feeding a family costs and the inconvenience of running out of food unexpectedly.
Your not being unreasonable, but there isn't a a great way to approach it. Maybe as a compromise you could offer to pick up a few things for her (cereal, sandwich fixings, fruit...) and say "that way we don't have any mix ups for what DH and I want to keep around for our work lunches / dinner" Then at least she probably wouldn't eat any of the other stuff.

not OP, but this is why when I hired my nanny I said during the interview I don't expect her to be eating our food unless it's an emergency. There's not way to be not awkward about this. I don't see why OP should pay for certain things for nanny unless it's coming out of her cheque.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah sorry OP, but there really isn't a way to bring it up that won't be awkward. Is she young? If so, she probably doesn't understand how much feeding a family costs and the inconvenience of running out of food unexpectedly.
Your not being unreasonable, but there isn't a a great way to approach it. Maybe as a compromise you could offer to pick up a few things for her (cereal, sandwich fixings, fruit...) and say "that way we don't have any mix ups for what DH and I want to keep around for our work lunches / dinner" Then at least she probably wouldn't eat any of the other stuff.

OP didn't say whether or not the nanny was young- regardless, how young could she be? If she's there's 9 to 5 she must be at least 18 (or this is very illegal). She knows that food costs money.

OP what's your financial situation that you can afford to employ a 9-5 nanny but not a few extra loaves of bread or eggs? If she was eating a strip steak you saved for dinner okay, but pasta? Really? At a lot of other jobs there's a lounge where coffee and fruit are available for free.

[Anonymous]

OP she is eating all 3 meals at your house to save money buying her own groceries. Even if you had offered to provide lunch, this is abusing that privilege.

I've never had a problem with my nanny and we do provide lunch and snacks. She has a snack, a pice of fruit, a sandwich or frozen dinner for lunch, coffee, water etc. Normal amounts the same as anyone else would eat. My neighbor had a nanny like yours. She was eating 3 meals there even though she only worked for 9 hours a day. It got worse and worse and my neighbor ended up finding out that she was also taking food and other non-food items (paper towels, cleaning stuff) home with her. The funny thing is that the nanny got caught when she accidentally knocked over her tote bag before leaving and a watermelon rolled out of her bag. My neighbor installed a nanny cam and then saw how much stuff she was cooking for herself and hiding in her tote bag.

My advice would be to be direct with her. Tell her that you are fine with her having an occasional snack, having a piece of pizza with the kids, water, coffee, or an occasional treat but that you did not include providing meals for her in your offer. You can then let her know that you would be happy to make some space in the refrigerator for her to bring her lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah sorry OP, but there really isn't a way to bring it up that won't be awkward. Is she young? If so, she probably doesn't understand how much feeding a family costs and the inconvenience of running out of food unexpectedly.
Your not being unreasonable, but there isn't a a great way to approach it. Maybe as a compromise you could offer to pick up a few things for her (cereal, sandwich fixings, fruit...) and say "that way we don't have any mix ups for what DH and I want to keep around for our work lunches / dinner" Then at least she probably wouldn't eat any of the other stuff.

not OP, but this is why when I hired my nanny I said during the interview I don't expect her to be eating our food unless it's an emergency. There's not way to be not awkward about this. I don't see why OP should pay for certain things for nanny unless it's coming out of her cheque.

I'm not saying that she does need to, but she asked for a less awkward way to handle it, and that's what I came up with. The MB I work for is overly generous and has said to help myself to whatever they have and also offers to pick up things for me at the store. They aren't very wealthy and work very hard and I really appreciate this. However, I don't want to take advantage of that generosity so I tend to eat only a small amount of their food (cup of coffee, bowl of cereal, salad etc). That was where my suggestion came from.

[Anonymous]

let her know this isn't something you thought of beforehand because you've never had regular meals provided at work, but the offer didn't include meals or only includes a sandwich for lunch or whatever you can live with, but items on XX shelf she can help herself to and you'll leave XX shelf for her to store items in the fridge and pantry. A sandwich is one thing, but out sounds like she's going beyond that. I'm a nanny who always packs my lunch and often shares with kids Fwiw.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's going to be a little awkward no matter what, but you do need to say something.

I like PP's suggestion of putting the blame on yourself to avoid making her feel put on the spot.

Is she your first nanny? If so you should say something like, "We're so happy with you, the kids adore you, but there's something that's come up I hadn't considered before hiring a nanny" and explain that you can't afford to feed her any more. Offer to clear a shelf in the pantry and a spot in the fridge so she can keep food there, and let her know if there's ever an emergency you won't begrudge her a sandwich or an apple, and (if it's true, although you might not be comfortable with it) that she's welcome to take the kids with her to pick up some food or order take-out to the house. She'll probably be embarrassed and want to end the conversation quickly, so try not to drag it out and do have the talk at the end of a day (even better, end of a Friday) so she has time to regain her confidence before coming back to work.

It really shouldn't be an issue once you've had the chat, and if it is, she doesn't sound mature enough for the job.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and my past 4 families ave always had an open fridge policy and always asked me to add anything I wish to their grocery list. This said, I know how generous this is and I would never take advantage of this! I would usually have whatever lunch I served my charges and a snack at some point during the day. I would never eat 3 full meals there however...

[Anonymous]

This is why providing food for a live-out nanny is a bad idea. Different people have different ideas about what is appropriate, and there is no non-awkward way to draw the line based on how much is too much. Best to just offer emergency options and drinks.

[Anonymous]

I have a different view, I am a MB and have always offered my nanny any food in the house. We see her as an honorary family member. She help us raise our kids and any food my husband and I have during the day she is totally welcome too. I have also asked her to let us know if there is anything not in the house she would like us to buy. I see that as the lease I can do when she is in my home 8am-6:30pm. All three of her main meal time fall during those times...

[Anonymous]

She may feel entitled if you're underpaying her. What payrate are you giving her? Maybe after paying apartment rent there's no food money? I don't know. Is she overweight?