Upset...long vent
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Anonymous
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There is a family I babysit for about 10 hours, 2-3 days a week. It's been two years now and all has been great. The parents are very nice and I talk to the mom about subjects beyond child care. I have given them gifts for birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, etc and they have given me gifts as well. My sister also sits for them. When my grandmother passed away, I broke down and the mom was a good ear to talk to. When one of the kids went to the hospital, I was there for them to do anything they needed. I am adding this info to try to explain that I felt like we had a great, respectful relationship beyond strictly employer/employee.
I was asked about two weeks ago to do an overnighter for the youngest while parents took the older kids with them out of town. It was to be from 6am this morning to tomorrow, Sunday 2:30p.m. I have done overnighters previously for them, but usually evening to the next late morning with all four kids and we agreed upon $150, which they would add $25 extra to every time as a tip. My rate for one kid is 12/hr, but because it was an overnighter, when the mom asked me to let her know what rate works for me, I broke it down to 10 an hour for 22.5 hours and 50 for the sleeping hours, so $275. She said that was totally fine. I get a text tonight asking what the amount was again so she could have it ready and I tell her. 10 min later she sends me a text saying they thought they would be back by 2:30 but it will now be around 6 p.m. And it would be better to just bring the baby because they could get another hotel room for less than what it would cost for me to do the overnighter. I was honestly shocked. They are not the type of rude parents that cancel whenever they want to without regard. The mom knows how I feel about getting canceled on as I have mentioned it to her regarding other parents. I always thought they knew how important I took my job as a sitter. I had two other opportunities to provide care but of course declined as i thought i would 100% be doing the overnighter. I responded with a simple 'ok' ( yes, passive aggressive) and she texts back asking if I was mad at her and she is sorry if she messed up my weekend somehow - which she did as obviously I can't go back in time and accept the other babysitting gigs- but that if the amount would have been under 300, it would have been doable. I was so pissed that I didn't text back until a couple hours later and said if she would have asked me to work with her on the rate before deciding to cancel I would have come up with a lower rate that would have appeased us both because I respected her. She responds that she didn't know that the time would be later until tonight or she would have let me know before and that 275 was fine, but with the added hours, another 50 on top was too much (actually 35 as I went down to 10 an hour). She also says that she hopes I know her well enough to know that she would never mess up other babysitting jobs for me - which she did- and that she values me as a sitter and would never have canceled unless needed too and she appreciates me very much. I am so upset that she canceled on me over an additional $35 dollars. I feel like for the amount of hours, $310 was perfectly reasonable and i did lower the hourly rate but I would have done the overnighter for $275 with the additional 3.5 hours truth be told because it was worth it to me, and I felt like she was not just any parent in which only babysitting/money was exchanged. I feel almost betrayed in a way because never ever would I have thought that this family would have canceled like that and over money. How do I stop feeling so damn bitter now? I feel like it's not the same anymore with this family because of this. |
Anonymous
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The MB was probably uncomfortable with $275 but decided to live with it, and the extra money--however reasonable given the total hours involved--was just more than she could justify. It's too bad that the scope of work changed at the last minute and that this is why the deal became unworkable, but that happens in other lines of work as well. Anyone who deals with clients has been burned once or twice by a project that turns out to be less profitable than anticipated or by a client who changes direction late in the game, after the provider has invested in work rendered unbillable by the client's change. If we value the client relationship and it only happens rarely, we take our lumps or try to work out a compromise.
In this case, if you wanted to work because it was too late to book something else, you should have called the MB immediately upon reading her text and offered to do the gig for $275. You should have told her that you would be willing to do that this time because you value the relationship, while also explaining that you gave up other jobs to take this one and that it is a serious hardship for you when she cancels at the last minute. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry that has happened to you, OP. |
Anonymous
| @ 3:23, after the mom told me $50 was too much, I sent her a text saying I would have done it or $275 if she had talked to me about it before canceling and she responded that next time she would be sure to ask beforehand. And regarding that she might have been uncomfortable with the $275 in the first place, I can understand that. |
Anonymous
| I think telling her you would have adjusted the rate even further if she had asked is opening a can of worms. It's basically giving her carte blanche to ask for an adjustment any time she likes in the hope that you'll give in just to get the job. Have some backbone. Your rate is your rate, you adjusted it for the overnight to something you thought was fair, and she passed on it. It would have been nice to have more notice, but it happens. I would let it go this time, but if it happens again I would have a talk with her to establish a cancellation policy. I would not send the message that I'm willing to do anything to get the job. She is looking at this from a business perspective (the cost wasn't worth it) and you're being emotional(wanting to be fair and loyal and upset you didn't get it in return). Now you know how she approaches your relationship, act accordingly. |
Anonymous
| They probably got another sitter, who is willing to do it for much less. Sorry, op. Personally I'd drive by their house if it's close to you, and see if there's a car in the driveway. |
Anonymous
| I agree. I would drive by their house as well. I think there is more going on because most would not hassle over 35.00. If this is a one time deal then I would probably let it go but if it happens more then once then that is a deal breaker for me and I would not sit for that family again. Her actions prove that she is not emotionally vested in a relationship as you are. Also you might want to consider stepping back. It is never good to become so emotionally involved in a family. You are not a part of their family and as soon as you outlive your usefulness you will be gone. (I have learned this from previous experiences.) Good luck OP! |
Anonymous
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OMG OP do not take this advice and drive by the house.
Accept her apology, assume things are happening behind the scenes on her end that are out of your control, and move on. I like to think of relationships as a check balance book - every helpful, kind, generous thing done by someone goes in as a deposit, and every rude, selfish, or otherwise thoughtless behavior is a withdrawal. It doesn't sound like this MB is in the red yet, so just be gracious about it. |
Anonymous
Haha! I kinda like the check book analogy! Although, I'm not so sure what that says about the concept of unconditional love and forgiveness, but for less close relationships, makes sense, I guess. OP, I really don't think you should be upset over this. Things happen, and maybe she talked to a friend or neighbor or even DH and they made her think the $$ was too high, who knows? Her follow-up actions, i.e. apologizing, caring about if you were mad, etc. should show you that she cares more than just a professional MB in a business relationship. What is she supposed to do? Shell out more than $300 just to not hurt your feelings?? Personally, that is TOO much to ask for, IMO, for one overnight with one baby. But, if you can get it, hey, good for you. Just dont be astonished and indignant when that rate becomes too much for someone who may have heard from her friend/neighbor/etc that she was paying way too much. |
Anonymous
| Just another cheapskate. Cross her off for future gigs and pass word to your sister and other sitters of how you were treated and cheated. |
Anonymous
Yes, bad mb behavior should be made known. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I appreciate the advice, even if it's a bit hard to take. When I started the thread, I was very angry, but it's been hours now and I'm not half as upset anymore.
Do want to add that she absolutely 100% does not have another sitter. She has always checked with me or my sis whenever she needs care. Also, my sis babysat for her today from 6am to 11am as I had an overnighter last night and was going to relieve my sis when I got off today. My sis said that the baby's stuff was packed, ec but even if it wasn't, I never had a thought that she went with another sitter who charged less. @ 12:45, yes, $310 is quite a bit of money for a 36 hour period, but what would you have charged? I don't have set overnight rates. If parents don't suggest a number first and instead ask me what I would prefer, most of the time I go down a few dollars from the hourly rate and go about half for sleeping hours. This has always been fine. When my sister came home, she gave me an envelope from the mom that said 'sorry I had to cancel' with a $100. I'm going to give her the money back when I see her next week because I know she never thought to give me partial payment until after we exchanged texts, so it's out of guilt which would make me feel bad for keeping it. Thanks again. |
Anonymous
We park a car in our driveway for security reasons when we are away. Doesn't mean a sitter is there with our kids. |
Anonymous
| I'll bet that the cost AND the fact that the MB felt bad about leaving her baby behind made her change her mind. |
Anonymous
You are a wise person, pp. |