Upset...long vent

[Anonymous]

As an MB, I would want you to keep the $100. It would be worth it to me that our relationship is preserved going forward. Most MBs (and DBs) did not grow up with nannies. We learn as we go along and when we ask other parents for advice, that advice is only as good as that parent's experience. OP's MB had never left one of her children on an overnight with someone and so was unsure how much to pay. OP also wasn't sure so she offered one rate and MB accepted. Then the length and cost of the job changed at the last minute. MB probably thought it would be insulting to you to renegotiate your rate so she cancelled reluctantly. Now she will try very hard not to cancel at the last minute with you again because she feels bad about what happened.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don't you have a cancellation policy? That would have avoided this whole mess of last minute-ness.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:... Most MBs (and DBs) did not grow up with nannies. We learn as we go along and when we ask other parents for advice, that advice is only as good as that parent's experience. ... the length and cost of the job changed at the last minute. MB probably thought it would be insulting to you to renegotiate your rate so she cancelled ...

I agree with this ~ Nanny with a similar relationship with my MB

[Anonymous]

$300 is pretty high for an overnighter from a part time sitter. Agree that she felt bad about negotiating with you but enough people told her that she was crazy so she just cancelled.

[Anonymous]

I may be in the minority here, but I think you've got a great MB op! Sure she may not know how to do everything perfectly, but it seems like she genuinely cares about you, wants to make things right with you through talking it out, giving the make up cah, etc. I'd hold on to this family, she sounds like a very reasonable boss.

[Anonymous]

Okay why are people saying $300 is too much to ask for this gig? It's more than just an overnight. She would have been watching the baby for 26 hours, not just an hour or two before bed. OP was charging $10/hour. It seems pretty reasonable to me. The high price tag is simply a consequence of the amount of hours it is.

[Anonymous]

$310.00 for 36 hours os $8.60/hr. and this is what she complained about? OP, keep the $100 and never sit for her again unless she pays in advance and in cash.

[Anonymous]

I think your rate was fine, OP. It was just not worth it for your MB. This happens, and it sounds like your MB didn't like it any more than you did.

You can burn this bridge and never sit for her again, but her $100 unofficial cancellation money sounds like she really does feel badly. Since you don't have a formal cancellation fee, this was pretty nice on her front and you need to consider carefully whether burning her will bring you more trouble in future lost opportunities than just letting this go and moving on.

In the future, if you remain in such high demand, you might want to have a formal cancellation policy.

[Anonymous]

I just did an overnight and for 36hrs I was paid $750. It was for a 6 month old baby, so I was paid every hour. I think $300 was really good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP do not take this advice and drive by the house.

Accept her apology, assume things are happening behind the scenes on her end that are out of your control, and move on.

I like to think of relationships as a check balance book - every helpful, kind, generous thing done by someone goes in as a deposit, and every rude, selfish, or otherwise thoughtless behavior is a withdrawal. It doesn't sound like this MB is in the red yet, so just be gracious about it.

Haha! I kinda like the check book analogy! Although, I'm not so sure what that says about the concept of unconditional love and forgiveness, but for less close relationships, makes sense, I guess.

OP, I really don't think you should be upset over this. Things happen, and maybe she talked to a friend or neighbor or even DH and they made her think the $$ was too high, who knows? Her follow-up actions, i.e. apologizing, caring about if you were mad, etc. should show you that she cares more than just a professional MB in a business relationship. What is she supposed to do? Shell out more than $300 just to not hurt your feelings?? Personally, that is TOO much to ask for, IMO, for one overnight with one baby. But, if you can get it, hey, good for you. Just dont be astonished and indignant when that rate becomes too much for someone who may have heard from her friend/neighbor/etc that she was paying way too much.

I have to disagree that her rate was too high. People need to understand that there is no cheap rate to leaving your children (of whatever age) alone with someone else for the night because it is easier on you. Either take your kids with you, or pay the price of someone giving up their whole night and staying away from their own house and "their stuff". I am never as comfortable at someone else's house than I am at my own, never sleep as well in their guest bed than my own, etc. You either have to lug your laptop over with you, or anything else of "yours" that you want or do without. You are working which means dealing with potential nighttime wake ups and an earlier morning than you might have on the weekend when you can usually sleep in. All of this, what a sitter gives up, comes at a cost.

Anyone thinking that they can leave for 36 hours with the care of their precious child in someone's control for less than $250-300 is insane. I had an 8 yr old boy (his younger sister stayed with another friend) for 24 hours and got paid $240, and he was allowed to watch tv and play video games all day long if he wanted to. This was the rate his mom understood was fair, and she needed the care because she was headed out of town for a funeral (which she was not going to bring her kids along for). I gave her a slightly cheaper rate, I took off $50 from what I would have charged normally, and was only charging $50 for the sleeping hours (when the range is normally $50-75). She basically got the sleeping hours free and paid my normal rate for awake hours. I was just starting to move in to become a live-in (had movers earlier that day, but was fully moving in the next weekend) which is why I gave that discount to her.

If someone can find someone to do it for them for cheap, great for them, but they shouldn't be expecting just anyone to do that kind of care for them for a very low overall rate. This is a job for someone, not family or a very close friend doing you a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate the advice, even if it's a bit hard to take. When I started the thread, I was very angry, but it's been hours now and I'm not half as upset anymore.

Do want to add that she absolutely 100% does not have another sitter. She has always checked with me or my sis whenever she needs care. Also, my sis babysat for her today from 6am to 11am as I had an overnighter last night and was going to relieve my sis when I got off today. My sis said that the baby's stuff was packed, ec but even if it wasn't, I never had a thought that she went with another sitter who charged less.

@ 12:45, yes, $310 is quite a bit of money for a 36 hour period, but what would you have charged? I don't have set overnight rates. If parents don't suggest a number first and instead ask me what I would prefer, most of the time I go down a few dollars from the hourly rate and go about half for sleeping hours. This has always been fine.

When my sister came home, she gave me an envelope from the mom that said 'sorry I had to cancel' with a $100. I'm going to give her the money back when I see her next week because I know she never thought to give me partial payment until after we exchanged texts, so it's out of guilt which would make me feel bad for keeping it.

Thanks again.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've had times when MB has cancelled last minute, after I've already lost out on another job. Worse, I had one MB who came home almost 8 hours late once when I was sitting overnight (meaning she was home by 3pm), even though I told her I had another job starting at noon. I had to find someone to cover me for the other kids, who, thankfully, were my nieces and nephew (so not as huge a deal as it could've been). I think adding time and/or canceling last minute are really inconsiderate, but if everything else is going well and it's never happened before or doesn't happen again, I'd try not to lose any more sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate the advice, even if it's a bit hard to take. When I started the thread, I was very angry, but it's been hours now and I'm not half as upset anymore.

Do want to add that she absolutely 100% does not have another sitter. She has always checked with me or my sis whenever she needs care. Also, my sis babysat for her today from 6am to 11am as I had an overnighter last night and was going to relieve my sis when I got off today. My sis said that the baby's stuff was packed, ec but even if it wasn't, I never had a thought that she went with another sitter who charged less.

@ 12:45, yes, $310 is quite a bit of money for a 36 hour period, but what would you have charged? I don't have set overnight rates. If parents don't suggest a number first and instead ask me what I would prefer, most of the time I go down a few dollars from the hourly rate and go about half for sleeping hours. This has always been fine.

When my sister came home, she gave me an envelope from the mom that said 'sorry I had to cancel' with a $100. I'm going to give her the money back when I see her next week because I know she never thought to give me partial payment until after we exchanged texts, so it's out of guilt which would make me feel bad for keeping it.

Thanks again.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've had times when MB has cancelled last minute, after I've already lost out on another job. Worse, I had one MB who came home almost 8 hours late once when I was sitting overnight (meaning she was home by 3pm), even though I told her I had another job starting at noon. I had to find someone to cover me for the other kids, who, thankfully, were my nieces and nephew (so not as huge a deal as it could've been). I think adding time and/or canceling last minute are really inconsiderate, but if everything else is going well and it's never happened before or doesn't happen again, I'd try not to lose any more sleep over it.

PS: Especially because she gave you the $100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$300 is pretty high for an overnighter from a part time sitter. Agree that she felt bad about negotiating with you but enough people told her that she was crazy so she just cancelled.

This. She was wrong in how she handled things, but this is what happened. She was also anxious about leaving the baby for an overnight. I'm in that situation myself now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just did an overnight and for 36hrs I was paid $750. It was for a 6 month old baby, so I was paid every hour. I think $300 was really good!

LOL thats nuts. I was a SAHM for a year and half before I went back to work. If I got paid at that rate I would have earned $182,470.80 per year for watching my child. If only...

[Anonymous]

OP of this thread. I guess I'll update since the thread has been brought up. Mom told me to keep the money, but I insisted on having it for payment for future care. I'm over it now. I was extremely upset when I wrote this post, but this family is a genuinely good family and this is the first time they did something like this, so not going to stress over it unless something similar happens again.

For the posters who say $300 is too high, I am still curious to know what you would have charged/ consider a fair rate to pay. I think I was fair.