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Anonymous
Hi! DS is 5 months old and I just heading back to work. We have a daycare spot, but the other day we were talking to a friend of our who is a SAHM of a toddler. She mentioned that she might want be interested in being our nanny. With the stipulations of course that her kiddo is with her, and that we drop off/pick up at her house. She suggested a rate of 650.00 a week, which I thought was high. To be clear, if she were our full time nanny- coming to our house and not bringing her child- that rate makes sense, but we viewed this as more of a nanny share situation.
We know her and trust her, but what would your initial reaction be?
FYI- hours would be M-F 8 hours a day.
Anonymous
What state are you in?
Anonymous
Northern VA
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Northern VA

You may want to check if she'll be legally required to first get her daycare license. You don't want to worry about her neighbors reporting you.
Anonymous
That's way too high. What she is proposing is in-home day care, not a nanny.
Anonymous
When she gets her license, she can have several children. Your rates will decrease a bit, but remember that she'll have all kinds of other costs of being a business owner, so don't expect anything dirt cheap.
Anonymous
Agree with 6:57. You should pay toward the top end of home daycare rates - not mid range nanny rates.
Anonymous

Most of us would not leave our kid at "most daycares", so if you find a high quality program, it will certainly cost significantly more than the ones you would not even consider.

That's why "daycare" earned such a negative reputation. Most of them are absolutely horrible. It's known as:
"The Hell of American Daycare". Google it.

Anonymous
Don't mix business with pleasure. If she does something you don't agree with, how will you handle telling her?

This will affect your friendship. Most likely in a negative way.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Don't mix business with pleasure. If she does something you don't agree with, how will you handle telling her?

This will affect your friendship. Most likely in a negative way.

You practice respectful discussion and compromise, as you would if it was your sister or mother taking care of your children for you. It demands more work, but is more stable for the children when you have family or friends helping you.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Hi! DS is 5 months old and I just heading back to work. We have a daycare spot, but the other day we were talking to a friend of our who is a SAHM of a toddler. She mentioned that she might want be interested in being our nanny. With the stipulations of course that her kiddo is with her, and that we drop off/pick up at her house. She suggested a rate of 650.00 a week, which I thought was high. To be clear, if she were our full time nanny- coming to our house and not bringing her child- that rate makes sense, but we viewed this as more of a nanny share situation.
We know her and trust her, but what would your initial reaction be?
FYI- hours would be M-F 8 hours a day.

OP, don't do it. What your friend is proposing is all about benefiting her, and not at all about you.

- The rate she wants is at the top (as in, ridiculous top) of nanny shares, for top nannies, who have years of experience and expertise. To compare, my DS was in a nanny share in NW DC with a top-notch nanny charging $19/hr for a full week. For each employer, it worked out to about $1,700 per month, including employer taxes. Nanny paycheck every two weeks was about $700 per member. And remember, that was a nanny with 20+ years of experience. What skills does your friend have besides being your friend and mom?

- The greater problem is that she is your friend. In a nanny/employer relationship, the balance is obvious - I tell nanny how I want things done, the nanny may or may gently suggest changes based on her experience, but at the end of the day it's up to the employer. Professional nannies understand that. Will you be comfortable being your friend's boss? Telling her how you want things done? Expecting her to be accountable for this?

- You have to drop off and pick up at her place. The major benefit of having a nanny is not having to dress up and leave the house. You are basically using a small home daycare and paying above nanny share rates. You will have zero power over how she does things at her house. She is viewing it as she's just staying at her house, being a mom to her kid, and yours just happen to be there and she keeps him comfortable. That is NOT what nannies do.

In short, I see zero advantages to you in the arrangement you described. You'd do better with someone who is actually qualified to do that job, and didn't pull the rates out of her arse.


Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi! DS is 5 months old and I just heading back to work. We have a daycare spot, but the other day we were talking to a friend of our who is a SAHM of a toddler. She mentioned that she might want be interested in being our nanny. With the stipulations of course that her kiddo is with her, and that we drop off/pick up at her house. She suggested a rate of 650.00 a week, which I thought was high. To be clear, if she were our full time nanny- coming to our house and not bringing her child- that rate makes sense, but we viewed this as more of a nanny share situation.
We know her and trust her, but what would your initial reaction be?
FYI- hours would be M-F 8 hours a day.

OP, don't do it. What your friend is proposing is all about benefiting her, and not at all about you.

- The rate she wants is at the top (as in, ridiculous top) of nanny shares, for top nannies, who have years of experience and expertise. To compare, my DS was in a nanny share in NW DC with a top-notch nanny charging $19/hr for a full week. For each employer, it worked out to about $1,700 per month, including employer taxes. Nanny paycheck every two weeks was about $700 per member. And remember, that was a nanny with 20+ years of experience. What skills does your friend have besides being your friend and mom?

- The greater problem is that she is your friend. In a nanny/employer relationship, the balance is obvious - I tell nanny how I want things done, the nanny may or may gently suggest changes based on her experience, but at the end of the day it's up to the employer. Professional nannies understand that. Will you be comfortable being your friend's boss? Telling her how you want things done? Expecting her to be accountable for this?

- You have to drop off and pick up at her place. The major benefit of having a nanny is not having to dress up and leave the house. You are basically using a small home daycare and paying above nanny share rates. You will have zero power over how she does things at her house. She is viewing it as she's just staying at her house, being a mom to her kid, and yours just happen to be there and she keeps him comfortable. That is NOT what nannies do.

In short, I see zero advantages to you in the arrangement you described. You'd do better with someone who is actually qualified to do that job, and didn't pull the rates out of her arse.




What 9:35 describes is her personal baggage. Not everyone shares her personal negative experiences nor personal biases.



Anonymous
If you have some objections, be so good as to list them.
Anonymous
OP, I generally agree with the advice you're getting here (just not quite as stridently).

I think $650/week is WAY too high. That is what I pay my nanny, for 50 hrs a week, in my home, inclusive of cooking/cleaning etc.. for the kids.

So she may have a pretty off-base sense of what's reasonable - which is the first significant problem.

Also, I would be cautious about setting something like this up w/ a friend - unless you are prepared to lose the friendship if something goes wrong. It is pretty tricky to do business with friends, and the dynamics of care for one's child couldn't be more personal - so it's a relationship that's already fraught with potential for tension. So go carefully...

Good luck, whatever you decide...
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't mix business with pleasure. If she does something you don't agree with, how will you handle telling her?

This will affect your friendship. Most likely in a negative way.

You practice respectful discussion and compromise, as you would if it was your sister or mother taking care of your children for you. It demands more work, but is more stable for the children when you have family or friends helping you.

What you say is true about HELPING. Helping doesn't involve payment. OP wouldn't pay her mom or sister for taking care of her child (well I hope not). OP's friend wants to charge OP for what she proposed, and charge an inflated rate unsubstantiated by the market.

When payment is involved, it's service, and the OP has every right to treat this as an employer/employee relationship, with all the expectations and standards of such.
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