Over heard nanny bad mouthing previous employers
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Anonymous
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I came home early the other day and I usually tell my nanny that I am coming home early. She still gets paid even if I leave early for the full amount, so it is not a big deal. I meant to text her that I was near but my phone died and didn't have car charge with me, so she never heard me come in. I opened the door and went to the sun room, where I figured she might be and stopped at the kitchen and since kitchen is adjacent to sunroom, I overheard her conversation. In the conversation to her friend, she stated her previous employers were cheap skates and that they don't deserve to have a nanny, because they do not know how to treat one. She went on to say the dad was obnoxious and their house looked like it came from the aftermath of a tornado from Wizard of Oz. She also mentioned how the mom and dad are cheap yet concerned about their appearance which is a joke. I get that this family might not have been a dream come true to have as employers BUT I find it unprofessional that she would speak about them like this! I knew she left as when we interviewed her, she said it was because it was not a good fit and she seemed so polite and professional. I am shocked she is more candid when left by herself? I found it a bit disturbing and wondered if she wasn't or isn't talking smack about me, that I don't know?
How should I handle this? I had to go to my car to retrieve a paper, as I opened the door again to step inside, it appeared like I had just stepped in for the first time that afternoon. So, she is not aware I overheard her. She would not have known I had been in the kitchen few minutes prior. My nanny just always seemed polite, this kind of talk I heard was 180 to what she shows off. I'm kind of unsure if she is genuine in what she does/says..and I don't want to think bad of her. Any advice is useful. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| I think most people speak differently to their friends than they do in a professional setting. I don't know how you can really fault her for that. If she'd been happy at her old job she wouldn't have been looking for a new position. It's Not like you overheard her saying bad things about you. |
Anonymous
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I totally agree... She would obviously not sound so unprofessional around you as you are her employer... As long as she seems happy with your family and her current position, I wouldn't worry about it. She was just trying to be respectful about telling you why she left.
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Anonymous
| Yeah, you can't really fault her for having a candid conversation that you eavesdropped (essentially) on. Of course she wasn't going to speak poorly about her previous employer in front of you or during the interview process, and good on her, she is a professional. However, she is completely entitled to her own opinion and is within reason to share it with a non-related party. I wouldn't mention anything to her. If you do, you should probably start looking for a new nanny. I wouldn't stick around for very long, if at all, upon finding out that my employer was being sneaky and listening in on my conversations. |
Anonymous
Oh and you NEVER have overheard a conversation? You act so sanctimonious. LOL get real. It's OP's home and right to come and go as she pleases. She overheard her, and now sees her nanny's true colors. Fire her!!! |
Anonymous
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Well, if you had walked in obviously and overheard you could bring it up. "Gee, you sounded way more negative about the Jones' than you were when we interviewed you. Was it really that awful? Maybe this is a good time for us to touch base and see how things are going for you so far with us?"
But, given that you left and came back in and she didn't know you'd overheard I think you missed the window for an easy conversation. I also think that this was a personal conversation where she was talking to a friend. I cannot even imagine half the conversations I have w/ friends being overheard - people would think I'm awful. I vent with friends, they understand the context, I feel better. Doesn't mean that I lose perspective on whatever I'm venting about - just that I pick my audience and alter my tone appropriately as needed. I wouldn't distrust her based on this - she's human. What you can do though is establish a regular practice of touching base w/ her so both of you can share any concerns, ideas for things to try w/ the kids, different household systems that might make things easier for someone, etc... Basically just focus on building and maintaining the relationship you have with her and don't worry about what she said about a former employer. |
Anonymous
| Fire her?? A you kidding?? Over an opinion of someone she has never met who may actually be a crazy person? |
Anonymous
Whoa calm down. I never said she had no right to overhear the conversation in her own home, of course she does. It would just be very unfair-and frankly a bit crazy-to bring it up. She should chalk this up to what it is; she heard something, completely harmless, that wasn't meant for her ears...and she should keep that knowledge to herself. I wouldn't quit because the conversation was brought up, rather that MB sat in the kitchen trying not to be noticed so that she could listen in...creepy regardless of who's house she is in. |
Anonymous
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MB here- I wouldn't fire her. Heaven forbid my boss ever overhears me talking to my friends about him, and I still work there! And what I say usually isn't even a reflection of how I really feel, it's usually just me blowing off steam at brunch with my friends. I say that to make the points that (1) having only overheard part of the conversation, there is no way for you to know whether she was venting to a friend, or if she truly isn't as polite/nice/friendly as you thought, (2) since you overheard her, you know she is tactful enough not to bad mouth a former boss in your face, which is really a good thing, despite you having heard it, and (3) there really isn't a person in the world who has never had even one unkind thing to say about her boss, and it is life, not a reflection on either the boss or the employee (I have a great relationship with my boss, and my nanny, but I am sure my boss annoys me, and I annoy my nanny - it happens).
If you like the nanny and she is doing a great job, I would let it go. If you see this as one of many problem spots or you can't let it go, then raise it if you feel you must, but only in a "overheard your conversation, gotta be mindful of cell phone and privacy issues, because I don't care but someone else might" kind of way. I am sure if she knows you heard, she'll apologize profusely and try to explain, so the question is whether or not you care so much about the apology and explanation that you are willing to embarrass her by telling her you know. Personally I wouldn't do that, but I have worked with my child's nanny long enough that, if I overheard that convo, I'd probably be mad at her former employers on her behalf too because she is great and I would assume they were not nice and she needed to vent about it. |
Anonymous
| I know it may have been uncomfortable for you to overhear this conversation, but I don't think you can fault her for it really. It would have been unprofessional for her to vent to you about how unhappy she was during the interview, but there's nothing wrong with venting to friends or family. Even someone who is generally happy at their job will have little things that they complain about to their friends. You could, without bringing what you overheard up, ask your nanny if she is happy with your family and let her know that you want her to feel comfortable voicing any concerns. If your issue is more so surprise that your nanny is in fact human, process it then let it go. |
Anonymous
| MB here. I'd let it go since she wasn't talking about you. As long as she is doing a good job and communicating well with you and the family, that is what matters. |
Anonymous
| OP, she's still the same person she was before you heard this. She wasn't talking about YOU. She was talking about a prior employer who she left, to her friend. It's fine. Hell, it's normal. Let it go. |
Anonymous
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As long as OP isn't anything like the last employers, there's nothing to worry about, right?
However, a word to the wise.... For those who are the mb's from hell, you will forever be talked about. Not pretty, but reality. |
Anonymous
| I disagree. Your nanny was unprofessional. Talking smacking about their finances. Amongst other things. How the hell do you not know she isn't doing the same with YOUR finances or house? I hope you're tidy! Honestly I would be sketch about this nanny. She has proven she can not be trusted a Ashe will spill dirty secrets when given a chance. If she was on the books and signed a contract which INCLUDED keeping family drama shut and she decides to open up their affairs to the world. How can you trust she won't do the same with you? You can't. I'd give her a warning but any negative sudden movement and let her go!! |
Anonymous
You need to proofread your posts. |