Grandmothers.
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Anonymous
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I've always managed to have at least descent employers. I see a lot of nannies on here who have (or think they have) MB from Hell. Never have I encountered these monster MB, but what I have dealt with is the Grandmothers.
My current job is caring for three LO under 5. I love these children, and the parents are fantastic and very smart. However, I absolutely dread it when DB's mother comes to visit. She HATES me. She hated me before she met me, and after she met me she LOATHED me. Why? Because her grand babies prefer me over G-Ma. It's not because I want them too, trust me...I would do anything to settle the tension between the two of us, I'm just a very active part of their lives. She lives out of state, see's them for a week every couple of months and you really can't build a strong relationship with children without being physically there. If I could just avoid her, it would be fine, but when she does visit I continue my shift which really rubs her the wrong way. I can understand, she feels as if MB/DB do not trust her with her own grandchildren. I would be very offended if my son and DIL didn't trust me with my grand babies. She makes my life a living Hell when she stays the week, HELL! I have done everything in my power to please her, I really have. I try to get her as much one on one time with the charges as I can without breaking my duties to my employers. She is constantly finding ways in which I've done detrimental damage to the children, I usually just laugh it off later but over the past year or so it's escalated to a point I just can't handle. The week after Christmas DB's mother was stay for two weeks. I was refreshed from my break, so I just decided to muscle through. It was tough, very tough, and 10X tougher for MB. One evening Grandmother was bathing the two oldest children and noticed that one of the LO had numerous bruises. She automatically went off and started accusing me of literally beating the child, not even thinking that the LO was new to walking, and not yet very graceful. I was in a shock of sorts, and was trying to calm her down as well as the children who were now in hysterics. She called DB, and he calmed her down and then just ignored me the rest of the evening. When DB returned I left, but called MB and told her we needed to have a serious discussion. I told her that if something like that EVER happened again I would quit and sue DB mother and her traducement statements. I know that was extreme, but I take my reputation very seriously. I hoped that Grandmother would only visit when DB or MB was off so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but earlier this week I found out she is staying for a few days next week. I don't think I can mentally/emotionally deal with this women, I don't think it's a wise idea for the children to be in that environment with the two of us. I have a friend who is currently between jobs, and looking for a temporary position. Do you think it would be appropriate for me to suggest my nanny-friend work with the children during Grandmothers stage? I know they don't have many back-up caregivers, and since Grandmother would be there it's not as if they are leaving the children with a stranger. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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Not yet sure what to suggest.... How small is the house? Are you live-in or out?
Right now I'm just concerned that these parents have allowed this nonsense with the insecure grandparent. |
Anonymous
| You could ask your employers whether they would allow you to drink on the job when she's in town. This is what I do when my mother visits. |
Anonymous
| Talk with your MB. She knows her mom has issues (probably why she gave you the heads up, so everyone can prepare in advance), and you two should stay aligned and conspire together to deal with the demon granny. |
Anonymous
I wish! I really just rather never see her again, that would be optimal. |
Anonymous
+1 Talk to your MB. Ask her what she has in mind for dealing with the problem of Grandma and if she doesn't have a solution, offer one or two of your own. It sounds like MB and DB want to work with you to make this manageable, so to answer your question, yes, I do think that would be an appropriate idea to mention after hearing out your MB on her own ideas. |
Anonymous
| This is your job and your MB needs to tell GM to can it because you are a trusted nanny and she doesn't want to lose you. DB needs to stay at home when his monster mother is visiting. Both of them need to tell her that YOU are the nanny and are in charge. If they don't back you, then you need to find another job. |
Anonymous
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I've been in a similar situation with unpleasant grandparents. In my case it was a set of grandparents who used to visit for a few hours every 2-3 weeks. I usually remained cordial and kept my distance knowing what they were capable of (from hearing unpleasant stories from MB). They were only allowed over when MB or DB (preferably DB) was home because my employers were afraid of what they would say or do if left alone with me and the kids.
They were over one afternoon, and were less than pleased with how I was doing my job. They literally started to scream at me in front of the kids (who became frozen in place). After I calmly and politely, yet VERY firmly, put them in their place DB threw them out of the house. I made it very clear to DB that I NEVER wanted to be in the same house as his parents ever again. That was 2 years ago. They no longer come over when I am at work (which must suck for them b/c they see a lot less of their grandkids now). So, if the situation is that miserable for you I suggest having a respectful, yet firm, conversation with your employers. Explain the measures you have taken in the past to try to make the situation work, but unfortunately the visits every other month make that week very difficult for you. Be honest about how you feel when she says and does things to/about you. Ask them if they have any suggestions on to make Grandma's visits more tolerable. Let them know that you feel very strongly about not being able to continue working in a position that requires you to put up with unfounded accusations that can tarnish your reputation and other nonsense she's pulled. You've already threatened to leave if Grandma pulls such a stunt again. Be prepared to stick to your guns on this one. Having to quit would suck, but staying is not good. |
Anonymous
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Yes, be honest.
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Anonymous
| I had a job with an unpleasant grandparent. The child I took care of at the time and I went to stay for a week with his grandparents in another state. She was awful. She criticized everything I did and would undermine me every time I had to deal with a behavior issue with the child. But other than that one grandmother, every other grandparent has loved me. |
Anonymous
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I've had to deal with my share of the annoying grandparents visiting, but it's more just annoying and disruptive than anything.
I've never had a bad experience like yours- that's what I would call a hostile environment (not trying to be dramatic, but I think that's accurate). I think it is within your right to tell MB that are unwilling to work on those days. They have seen firsthand what you're work environment is like when she's there. Document everything as well. That does bring up another point- how would you handle pay for those days? It's not fair to have to use your PTO days, or to take them unpaid. Hmmm.. |
Anonymous
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I'd have a 3 or 4 way meeting with the parents and grandparent, to be clear on my acceptable boundaries.
(Nanny here.) |
Anonymous
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OP again.
We've figured it out. I will have two of the children at my house, and Grandmother will have "one on one" time with one of the grandchildren. We will switch, but she will only have one. I get paid, she gets her alone time. We all win! God Bless MB and DB! |
Anonymous
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Thank you for sharing for success story, OP.
Respectful communication is key. |
Anonymous
| That's great news OP! Your employers sound like wonderful people. |