Would you hire a nanny in this situation (Fiance just passed away)?

[Anonymous]

I am a 23 year old Professional Career Nanny and my Fiance just passed away from some unforeseen heart problems. I grew up in Upstate NY and moved to PA a little over 2 years ago to live with him. Upon his passing I have moved back to NY to be with my family. I am taking this news surprisingly well and while I am absolutely devastated and very much still in the grieving process I am ready to be working. I left my fabulous job in PA and they will of course be wonderful references for me. I have some interviews coming up and I am planning on being upfront with families about my moving (telling them how I started in this area, moved away for 2 years, and am now back) and am expecting many of them to ask me what brings me back to the area. I am not one for lying and I don't feel like I have any need to lie so I am planning on telling these families that my Fiance has passed away. This has happened 2 weeks ago and while I am still grieving I am capable of caring for children and going back to work.

Now here is the question.... Parents, if you really liked a candidate and she had everything going for her would you avoid hiring her only because of a very recent passing away of a significant other? I have been to therapy since his passing and my therapist thinks I am more than ready to be working right now. I could provide a note if parents were concerned. I'm not sure if MBs would think that I am mentally unfit to work right now or not. I expect myself to interview well (no tears, no falling apart or getting emotional).

I am not really sure if this would deter parents from hiring me or not. Any opinions are welcome. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

TMI. Boundaries please. Therapy is good. Am sorry for what happened. GL.

[Anonymous]

This is not TMI. I need to know if people are going to automatically not hire me because a horrible tragedy has happened in my life. I would not be here parading around this information if I wasn't concerned with it affecting me getting a new job.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with it. I'd rather know to support you. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Op, does your therapist recommend that you disclose this very private information to prospective employers?

[Anonymous]

My therapist hasn't made any recommendations as to whether or not I tell them the truth. I didn't ask him. I just don't really comfortable lying about it because I usually like to have friendly relationships with my nanny families and my fiance or previous life in PA may come up at some point during employment. I usually think that honesty is the best policy. I could say that I moved for "personal reasons" but then they may suspect the worst and not hire for me for that. I worry that if I don't bring it up during an interview but get hired that down the road it would be awkward for me to bring up.

[Anonymous]

No offense but if my fiancé passed away just 2 weeks go, I would in no way be ready to start working....let alone talk about it to strangers on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Justbsay you moved to be close to family and ypur support network. You're overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

I think that after two weeks you are still in shock and haven't begun to grieve. I don't say that as a criticism; rather, a warning that his death is going to affect you in ways you aren't expecting and that's ok. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I would not share that much information with prospective em

[Anonymous]

I think that after two weeks you are still in shock and haven't begun to grieve. I don't say that as a criticism; rather, a warning that his death is going to affect you in ways you aren't expecting and that's ok. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I would not share that much information with prospective employers. I would simply say you moved back home to be closer to family. Once you have established a relationship with a family you can provide more details if you choose to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No offense but if my fiancé passed away just 2 weeks go, I would in no way be ready to start working....let alone talk about it to strangers on the Internet.

This.
OP sounds like our novelist.

[Anonymous]

Unless you MUST work, I'd take at least a month from now before you start to interview.

Especially at a highly emotionally stressful job like this.

Im really sorry

[Anonymous]

You can say "I recently lost my fiance" and odds are they won't ask any more questions out of respect for you. I would take more time for yourself. Whats the rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist hasn't made any recommendations as to whether or not I tell them the truth. I didn't ask him. I just don't really comfortable lying about it because I usually like to have friendly relationships with my nanny families and my fiance or previous life in PA may come up at some point during employment. I usually think that honesty is the best policy. I could say that I moved for "personal reasons" but then they may suspect the worst and not hire for me for that. I worry that if I don't bring it up during an interview but get hired that down the road it would be awkward for me to bring up.

You do not seem credible. Why do you choose to pose such an important question to a bunch of strangers who know nothing of you, and not to your therapist who is a professional trained to provide appropriate counsel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No offense but if my fiancé passed away just 2 weeks go, I would in no way be ready to start working....let alone talk about it to strangers on the Internet.

Some people can't afford to tke time off, geez.