Visitors while family out

[Anonymous]

MB here. Question for other MBs.

I have a live-in and have recently found out that she has had some visitors at our home while I'm at work and the kids are at school...including her boyfriend over for ...you know. And I haven't met him yet so he is a stranger to me. She's also had other friends over and I don't know them/haven't met them either.

Would this bother you?

She is not allowed to have male overnight guests or guests while working...but this seems to be on off time.

Would you care or let it go? My only beef is that its people I don't know in my home...

Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

I'd just mention to her that she let me know is she has guests over and who they are.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an irresponsible teenager. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just mention to her that she let me know is she has guests over and who they are.

+1

Say that you would like to know when she is going to have people over and that you would like to meet any males that will be coming over to the house to hang out (or females as well). While no adult wishes to be supervised in this manner, it is your house and your property that could go missing or your kids that anyone might come in contact with.

A family that I used to work for had a bad experience one time, where the nanny let her boyfriend come over all the time (usually when parents weren't home) and things started to go missing. Nanny said she didn't know anything about it, which might have been true but most likely not, and supposedly she broke things off with him. One day someone broke in and stole stuff, the nanny refused to give her ex's name to the cops for them to talk to. She got fired for this and slacking off on the job (had been for the last few weeks), left and 2 weeks later the family found out she had used stolen credit card info from them to buy $1000 worth of electronics. I had no problems having my friends meet my family the first time they came over since I understood they just wanted to feel safe knowing who I was allowing access to their house. If I didn't want to have guests meet them even for a couple of minutes, then they could meet me outside of the house and we could go elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

She's an adult. She lives there. What do you expect?! It's her boyfriend, not some strange man. I would think when no one is home is a lot better & more comfortable for everyone. This is why I don't understand how people can be live-in's. You don't even have a say on what to do during your personal time.

[Anonymous]

How do you know WHY he came over, by the way? My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together & not have sex. But, even if she did, what's it matter? Does she have to stop being a human because she's your live-in? Did you stop having sex because she moved in, too? Jesusssss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Question for other MBs.

I have a live-in and have recently found out that she has had some visitors at our home while I'm at work and the kids are at school...including her boyfriend over for ...you know. And I haven't met him yet so he is a stranger to me. She's also had other friends over and I don't know them/haven't met them either.

Would this bother you?

She is not allowed to have male overnight guests or guests while working...but this seems to be on off time.

Would you care or let it go? My only beef is that its people I don't know in my home...

Thanks!!

It is your home and you most definitely have the right to decide who does and does not visit.

-nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know WHY he came over, by the way? My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together & not have sex. But, even if she did, what's it matter? Does she have to stop being a human because she's your live-in? Did you stop having sex because she moved in, too? Jesusssss

Stop being sensitive. OP has the absolute right to know who is coming in and out of the home.

[Anonymous]

Having strangers in my home would be a problem for me and therefore I have never had a live-in even though it would greatly simplify our lives. I don't see how you can forbid a live-in from having visitors.

[Anonymous]

Why I'd never be a live in

[Anonymous]

That's another reason why I get paid a lot more to live in.

[Anonymous]

Live-in is the worst.

OP you can absolutely ask your nanny to introduce you to her guests and to give you the heads up when they're coming over, but please don't forbid her from having them by in her free time.

[Anonymous]

And people want to pay a discounted rate for a live-in.....the convenience of having someone at your beck and call, who gives up all privacy and autonomy should come at a PREMIUM. Yes OP its your home and you can ask for a heads up on visitors and to meet them first but try to remember that this is an ADULT you've hired and she is PAYING to live there through her reduced salary. She should feel welcome and free to live her life in her off time.

[Anonymous]

Live ins know two things from the start. That they are paid less an hour because they have the incredible perk of free rent as part of their compensation package. They already get a premium.

The second thing live ins know is that there will be restrictions when living in someone else's house. Knowing the deal, I don't think OP is out of line in her expectations of who is visiting her home when she isn't around.

[Anonymous]

I have never know anyone with a live in nanny who allowed guests other than female friends. Overnight female friends were an exception not something that a live in would do on a regular basis. Being a live in is not the same as owning your own house or renting your own apartment. It isn't a roommate set up, its a live in employment set up.