MB treats me different around her friends/in public.

[Anonymous]

I love my boss, I really do. She pays well, listens to my requests, gives me good feedback and just generally is a model MB. However, something that always bothers me is how she treats me if she has friends over, or if we go out. Rarely does that happen, I'm usually off when she's off but since the holidays are close she asked me to accompany her to the mall for Santa pics with the kids. She's not really mean, just very cold, rigid and short....which is not how she normally is, around friends I'm "the nanny" however any other time I'm [my name]. She'll order me too do things I don't normally do, like cooking/cleaning. I'm kind of treated like a servant. As a nanny I don't appreciate being treated like "the help" although that's what i am. I know a lot of this is just crap I should deal with since it's my job. It the personality change Really bothers me.

Not really a question here, or a rant....just seeing if anyone could help me rationalize it.

[Anonymous]

It's a complicated relationship between MBs and nannies. Someone should write a book.

[Anonymous]

Tell her.

[Anonymous]

she is showing off in a sense and making it clear that she is more important then you. She is asserting her dominance in front of her friends because she clearly cares what others think of her and prob wants to show off the fact that she can afford you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she is showing off in a sense and making it clear that she is more important then you. She is asserting her dominance in front of her friends because she clearly cares what others think of her and prob wants to show off the fact that she can afford you.

In other words, she thinks she is better than you and that her s..t doesn't stink. Interesting, isn't it, that. she entrusts her children to someone she deems to be a child of a lesser god. As I posted earlier, you have to tell her how this makes you feel. If she changes, then she is not an insesitive ass; if she denies and doesn'r change, you need to leave.

[Anonymous]

If it happens rarely, why are you so bothered by it? Or are you just encouraging others to complain (like the very charming 23:13.)? If she is awkward around you in public when getting Santa pictures, why can't you just cut her a break and get over it? You say she pay wells, respects you, and that you "love" her.

If that were true, you wouldn't rush to tear her down here like you're doing. Very petty of you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it happens rarely, why are you so bothered by it? Or are you just encouraging others to complain (like the very charming 23:13.)? If she is awkward around you in public when getting Santa pictures, why can't you just cut her a break and get over it? You say she pay wells, respects you, and that you "love" her.

If that were true, you wouldn't rush to tear her down here like you're doing. Very petty of you, OP.

Because this is a discussion forum for nannies/MB and that's what your suppose to do, discuss. Why are you on here if you can't handle the point of the forum.

OP, maybe you should talk to her about it? Maybe not? If she's kind and respectful most of the time than I personally would just accept that she feels the need to treat you poorly in front of others.

[Anonymous]

When she does it, just say immediately "is everything ok, am I doing something wrong?", She will prob be in shock and if she is normally a nice person than she will feel bad.

You have control over how ppl treat you. You don't need to be rude or mean but you can address the issue and ask for respect in a nice way. Don't listen to the ppl who tell you to just deal with it because they don't have the self respect to demand that they be treated like a decent human being. doesnt matter if your an employee or not.

[Anonymous]

I had this conversation with my MB a while back. I made sure to use unemotional neutral language and asked her if she would call me by my name and not "nanny". I also noted that while her "friend/neighbor/mother" was here recently, she had asked me to fold her laundry/do the dishes/whatever she asked that wasn't my job and asked her to clarify what my responsibilities are. This forced her to reference the contract and admit she had stepped outside of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this conversation with my MB a while back. I made sure to use unemotional neutral language and asked her if she would call me by my name and not "nanny". I also noted that while her "friend/neighbor/mother" was here recently, she had asked me to fold her laundry/do the dishes/whatever she asked that wasn't my job and asked her to clarify what my responsibilities are. This forced her to reference the contract and admit she had stepped outside of it.

^^ this poster has given you the most useful advice so far. While there is no way I would put up with this, I understand that not everyone reacts the same way. When she is ordering you to do things not in your contract you could take her aside, or wait for a quite moment and say "I'm sorry, doing X isn't part of the agreement we made when I started working for you, if you want me to do X we need to sit down and write a new contract". Also if someone called me "the nanny", I would just ignore them till they used my name. I think that is incredibly rude and disrespectful!!

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation like this a little over a year ago. 7 years ago I use to nanny for a little girl. I then got in to the corporate world but would still attend birthday parties for the little girl, and some events my previous employer use to have. My previous employer introduced me to her friends as "the nanny" even though it was 5 years at that point since I was their nanny. She then treated me like the extra help at the birthday party instead of a guest.

I brought my concerns to my previous employer and let her know that I wanted to be introduced as "the former nanny" OR by my name. That how she was introducing me then telling me to go do things implied I was still their hired help which I didn't appreciate. Because of how she introduced me and treated me none of her friends would talk to me like I was another adult at the party. They would say things like "shouldn't you be helping to keep an eye on the kids" or "I don't think we have any common interests" and laugh. This infuriated me that her friends could not only be so rude, but at that point I was successful in a career and doing very well for myself.

When I brought my concerns up to my previous employer she stopped talking to me for close to a year. She didn't think she was doing anything wrong. She eventually apologized, but I think that so many people (especially in Northern VA) want to make themselves look better than everyone else. The Jones's syndrome you might call it. I really don't think your employer will change, but maybe gently bringing up your concerns might make her more aware of her actions.

[Anonymous]

OP, honestly, I'm shocked. And by the 21:10 story, too. That's truly outrageous behavior from those mothers.

[Anonymous]

Thats awful. Speak up! Don't let it continue.

"I have to tell you, I feel very uncomfortable when we're in public and _______"

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation like this a little over a year ago. 7 years ago I use to nanny for a little girl. I then got in to the corporate world but would still attend birthday parties for the little girl, and some events my previous employer use to have. My previous employer introduced me to her friends as "the nanny" even though it was 5 years at that point since I was their nanny. She then treated me like the extra help at the birthday party instead of a guest.

I brought my concerns to my previous employer and let her know that I wanted to be introduced as "the former nanny" OR by my name. That how she was introducing me then telling me to go do things implied I was still their hired help which I didn't appreciate. Because of how she introduced me and treated me none of her friends would talk to me like I was another adult at the party. They would say things like "shouldn't you be helping to keep an eye on the kids" or "I don't think we have any common interests" and laugh. This infuriated me that her friends could not only be so rude, but at that point I was successful in a career and doing very well for myself.

When I brought my concerns up to my previous employer she stopped talking to me for close to a year. She didn't think she was doing anything wrong. She eventually apologized, but I think that so many people (especially in Northern VA) want to make themselves look better than everyone else. The Jones's syndrome you might call it. I really don't think your employer will change, but maybe gently bringing up your concerns might make her more aware of her actions.

Wow, it's hard to believe that people at a party would actually say those things to you. It's also hard to believe that you wouldn't just speak up yourself and tell them you weren't a nanny anymore. Of course, bringing it up at a party is a little rude on your part, but hardly something that would make someone stop speaking to you. It sounds like there is more to this story. It's also a little strange of you to continue to attend parties hosted by someone you clearly don't think highly of.

[Anonymous]

15:22 how is that rude? all she would say is "oh im not a nanny anymore... now i am a ____" with a laugh.