Letter to Santa

[Anonymous]

I just got a picture text from my nanny with the kids dropping off their letters to Santa at the downtown drop off. I'm pretty upset. How should I handle this? I never specifically said I wanted to take them to do it. I thought it was understood.

[Anonymous]

You need to communicate with the nanny if you thought it was understood. Simple as that. What exactly is so upsetting about her doing a festive activity with your children?

[Anonymous]

I didn't know this was a "thing" that people did. Just do it again with your kids. I mailed santa a million letters when i was little. Next time make sure important mom activities are understood - all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny isn't a mind reader with a crystal ball. Every year I do the letter to Santa with my charges because MB and DB can't be bothered. Maybe your nanny thinks that you're the same way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to communicate with the nanny if you thought it was understood. Simple as that. What exactly is so upsetting about her doing a festive activity with your children?

+1

Next time be more specific and tell the nanny you'd rather she ignore holidays and anything fun. How many hours a week is the nanny with your kid? I'll tell you from experience if she's with your kids more than 20 hours per week it's easy to run out of things to do. Besides, what makes you so sure the kids didn't bring this up with the nanny? My charges ask me every week if they can go to the museum, library, see santa etc. The nanny is supposed to know this is an activity only for you? It's not like it;s the first haircut. Is that you, Chipotle Mom?

[Anonymous]

Parents ask children to write letters to Santa so they will have some idea what to buy their little ones. I hope OP's nanny made a copy of the letters.

[Anonymous]

So hard when someone innocently does something that turns out to be upsetting. It probably just never occurred to her that you might have your heart set on doing this, just as it didn't occur to you that you had to tell her this was off-limits.

I can understand why this might upset you - I'm sorry.

Don't penalize her for the fact that "you thought it was understood" - that's a pretty tough standard for her to try to meet. But you could let her know that you really wanted to do it and should have told her, and then use that as an opportunity to ask that she check with you on things like this in the future. Just a quick email to you on the way could have let you say no, or in the future might give you the chance to think about something that might seem obvious to you but not her.

If you're worried about the contents of the letter (i.e. knowing what they asked for so you can manage Santa's gifts) hopefully she read them and can share that with you.

If they're old enough maybe you can tell them you want to hear all about their big adventure and, even though it isn't what you would have wanted, it can still be a nice memory with them telling you about it.

Or maybe the mail truck to the North Pole had a flat tire in the middle of a big snow storm, all the mail got wet so Santa needs them to redo them!

[Anonymous]

FIRE HER.. A good, professional nanny should be able to read your mind!

[Anonymous]

How on earth would your nanny have known? What's important to one person is not necessarily important to another. She has no way of knowing what you want unless you COMMUNICATE with her.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs. Your nanny has no way of knowing what is important to you unless you tell her. Not every family feels that Santa letters are a sacred thing. I take care of letters to Santa/Christmas lists. I email MB everything the children put on their lists, complete with links to make it even easier if she isn't able to find time to shop in stores. It works for us.

There are times when I will mention a plan I have for the kids and she will ask me to hold off b/c it's something she or DB was looking forward to experiencing with them for the first time. We communicate and no one's toes get stepped on. It goes the other way too when I've started a special book with them...MB asks before she reads some of it with them just out of respect for my feelings. I know to ask her before doing something "new" with the kids (twins) in case it is something she wants to be part of.

I'm sorry you're upset. In the future ask her to communicate her plans ahead of time regarding special things in case it's something you planned on doing. You can also be proactive about letting her know your plans as special times are approaching.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I spoke with her about it. I told her that I really wanted to do that with the kids and was upset. I asked her to check with me in the future about things related to the holidays.

Well, it did not go well. She got very defensive and said that the kids really wanted to go do it. Talked to DB about it and we are letting her go on Monday. I'm setting up interviews with some of the other nanny responses we got when we hired her (it was only a few months ago).

I don't need a nanny who is trying to be a mom. That's my job. I don't care why she did what she did. She needed to say "sorry, I'll check in the future." Done.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound really difficult to work for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I spoke with her about it. I told her that I really wanted to do that with the kids and was upset. I asked her to check with me in the future about things related to the holidays.

Well, it did not go well. She got very defensive and said that the kids really wanted to go do it. Talked to DB about it and we are letting her go on Monday. I'm setting up interviews with some of the other nanny responses we got when we hired her (it was only a few months ago).

I don't need a nanny who is trying to be a mom. That's my job. I don't care why she did what she did. She needed to say "sorry, I'll check in the future." Done.

lmao you sound lovely to work for. You are seriously CRAZY. Have the kids write another letter..it's really not that hard at all. You need to get over yourself OP. I hope you do let go of your nanny because SHE deserves to work for someone better and I feel so bad for whoever you hire next. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're pissed at your nanny for something that was not even offensive, and it probably came across when you told her how she'd wronged you. She took your kids on a fun outing and had the courtesy to send you a picture of the occasion. I'd be defensive too if someone got angry with me for that. You didn't specify with her that Santa letters were a sentimental activity for you, so why on earth would it be so wrong for her to do that with your kids? I'd just be glad you have the kind of nanny who does those kinds of things instead of firing her because you can't grow up and realize that no one did anything wrong. It was a miscommunication, and in this instance, YOU were the one not communicating.

[Anonymous]

OP, in the future you need to learn to work on your communication skills. Firing a nanny over her doing an activity with your children is absolutely ridiculous, especially if she was never told that you wanted to do it with them. I feel bad for the next nanny you hire. She will probably get fired for getting your child a Christmas present.