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[quote=Anonymous]So hard when someone innocently does something that turns out to be upsetting.  It probably just never occurred to her that you might have your heart set on doing this, just as it didn't occur to you that you had to tell her this was off-limits.

I can understand why this might upset you - I'm sorry.

Don't penalize her for the fact that "you thought it was understood" - that's a pretty tough standard for her to try to meet.  But you could let her know that you really wanted to do it and should have told her, and then use that as an opportunity to ask that she check with you on things like this in the future.  Just a quick email to you on the way could have let you say no, or in the future might give you the chance to think about something that might seem obvious to you but not her.

If you're worried about the contents of the letter (i.e. knowing what they asked for so you can manage Santa's gifts) hopefully she read them and can share that with you.

If they're old enough maybe you can tell them you want to hear all about their big adventure and, even though it isn't what you would have wanted, it can still be a nice memory with them telling you about it.

Or maybe the mail truck to the North Pole had a flat tire in the middle of a big snow storm, all the mail got wet so Santa needs them to redo them!  :-)

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