Hi all.
Background: I was the nanny for 3 little boys for five and a half years. I was a live-in nanny, and worked 50+ hours a week. My first couple years were bliss, I felt valued and respected. The last 3 years I felt that they took me for granted, not appreciated. The thank you's for going above and beyond became scarce. I loved those little boys, they were my life. After working with this family for over five years, they told me I was not needed anymore because MB was going to work from home more, the littlest was going to school, and they needed someone to do more housekeeping. They said they needed me to work for 2 more months, until they traveled out west for summer vacation. I stayed on for those two months, even though they wouldn't allow the time for me to go on interviews, I had to make them on weekends. They also chose to only tell the little ones about me leaving at the end of summer vacation. I chose to relocate to NYC, for my new position. Well... I stayed and worked those two months, and then the family went to their vacation home for the summer. And that was it... Hardly a hug goodbye. Five and a half years helping raise their children, living in their home and nothing! I went to NYC for the summer to look for a new job, and came back to DC to pack and move my stuff to NYC. I didn't expect the family come back until the next week after Labor Day, but they did. The kids knew I was leaving at this time. I was pleased that there would be a second opportunity for a propper goodbye, but again nothing. I packed up, and moved my boxes into the moving van, without any offer of help from them (MB & DB were taking the week off from work). Then the night before the big move MB was cooking up a storm up stairs for a family dinner... And they didn't even invite me up. The next day I was off for good to NYC. I feel so very hurt that nothing was done for a farewell for me. Not a card, not a sentimental sit down chat, not a sweet gift like a picture of the boys, no thank you bonus for staying on those 2 extra months, not even a freaking invite to a last dinner. I felt pretty used. And this was 3 months ago and I still cry about it. I want to let them know how hurt I am. Have you ever had a similar situation? |
Hugs to you. That's pretty crappy. |
I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. This isn't the first time I have heard of a family treating someone like this. Sometimes there are aspects of being a nanny that just suck and this happens to be one of them. I doubt it would mean much to them to hear it now that they hurt you. Some people are rude and careless and only think about themselves. I hope that you are loved, valued, respected and treated the way you deserve to be treated in your new position. |
Sorry. Atleast they gave you 2 months notice to look for a new job. |
It sounds like there was more going on there and that perhaps they were not happy with your performance in the past year. Its very frustrating to families to keep on a nanny who doesn't do much housekeeping once the kid's schedules change. Families will realize this and keep the nanny on longer than they should because they like her or because its just one more year before full time school. The problem arises that while the family initially really liked the nanny, everyday she is there that she is not as valuable to the family is a daily reminder to the family that she needs to go. The nanny is sitting there in the position doing less and less but still expecting raises and then surprised when she is let go. |
But the point is that nothing was done when she was left. 5+ years is a very long time to be a live-in nanny and not get a good thanks at the end. Obviously they liked her enough to keep her, and then have her stay 2 months after she was laid off. If she did something bad she wouldn't have been kept on so long.
Sorry OP, your last family sounded nasty! I would be heart broken. Hope your new family treats you better. |
+1 |
OP here.
I was not surprised that I was let go. I was hired five and a half years earlier as a nanny and not a housekeeper. I was upfront about this, and they understood. For the last couple years I did end up with major job creep doing the families laundry, cleaning kitchen, picking up after MB/DB. Housekeeping is not my thing and I knew my time was coming to an end with them, again no surprise there. The surprise and hurt came at the very end when absolutely no fuss was made about my departure. No help offered, no sweet sentiment. I felt discarded. I help raise and teach 2 of the children from birth, and the other one since he was 2. I created a beautiful hard copy 200 page photo book with at least a 1000 photos of the boys I have taken over the years. I was going to give this to them at my departure "thing". But nothing special was done. Not being invited to a simple dinner the night before I left felt like a knife to the heart. I could hear them upstairs. I have left my other nanny positions that have not been nearly as long; and they have always done something to say good-bye. Usually a dinner out with very sentimtal sweet gifts. Some a bonus as well. Even when I worked in corporate I was taken out for drinks by the boss and coworkers. I miss those little boys so much! I know in my heart that I made a big impact in their lives. |
They are HORRIBLE people. I am so sorry. I would email them and be honest with your feelings at this point. Good luck in your new life! |
I worked with a family like that. Some people just aren't sentimental at all. It sucks but that's just how done people roll. I'm curious about whether you gave them the book our kept it? I made hundreds of prints, made a collage, kept several sentimental things the kids made and put them all in a box for them...I got a lunch bag in return. Pretty lame...but better than yours it sounds. |
They were right to be frustrated that you were not meeting their needs, but should have still done something to facilitate your saying goodbye to the children. |
This post has nothing to do with OP fulfilling their needs. Obviously she was, that why they kept her for so long.
This is about the goodbye. How can you have someone live in your house and raise your children for 5 years and then do nothing "nice" for her? WTF kind of assholes are these people!!! What a slap in the face that must have been...geez! I hope you didn't give them that photo book. |
I partially understand where you are coming from. I was given 2 1/2 weeks notice when my last nanny job (part time live out) ended. I had been there 5 years and it was only ending since the youngest ended up in full time special preschool (he has special needs so the family was pleased to be able to get him the extra help) Though the family was nice and did say thank you, they were gonna miss and please come back and visit the kids, there was no card, gift, severence pay, ending bonus whatever. |
Actually it does. Most families would do something like a card, a cake or some sort of goodbye even if they were relieved not to employ the nanny anymore but had originally liked her. For a family to not do anything is a very strong indicator that they had employed her way past her being a good fit for the job they needed done or there were other issues with her performance. The OP herself said that in addition to the mom working from home that they were letting her go because they needed someone to do more housekeeping. I don't think nannies realize how resentful employers grow paying for a nanny who isn't valuable to them anymore because the kid's schedule has changed but she is inflexible in what tasks she will do. I can't tell you how many people say that they were relieved to be done with the nanny and at the end how they didn't find her to be very valuable because she wasn't doing much. Its almost as if nannies view the kids getting into longer naps or preschool and having no new tasks to fill the time as hitting the jackpot. What happens more often is that the family continues to employ her because they like her and don't want to deal with change. The family ends up resenting her, letting go beyond when they should and it affects her references which would have been glowing had she left when the job needs changed rather than sitting around. Its a really unrealistic expectation to have a big party, severance, gifts in this situation even though most parents who do at least a card and put on one last fake smile for the nanny. |
I sort of wonder if there's a family somewhere who is still sad about their ex nanny who never bothered to acknowledge her departure. "We made this fancy dinner on her last night with us, and she never even came upstairs to say goodnight." |