Toddler eating breakfast and lunch in her diaper!
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Anonymous
Huge mistake, if you were eatting lunch with her daughter. Always, it's a big drama, lots of work and so stressful for the nanny. Poor lady. We know you must love your daughter; but why don't just pretend to be out of the way also for lunch time. Pretend like you are going to the office everyday. If you wish to spend time with your daughter, you have all the time all the world to do it in dinner time. Also it doesn't matter if kitchen items enough. Even you could be in one corner and your nanny is in the other corner of the table/counter with the baby. Anyways, you are there. Your baby is watching and just knows you are the mom and you are right there; so give her more freedom to make a big drama as always; refusing to eat. This also result as a distraction for her. Why don't you do what other parents do. Learn how to share the house with your nanny; giving her space with the child. Just come up to the kitchen to make a quick lunch and go back to your space work. And let the nanny handle the situation and also have their space of work and for have lunch aswell. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, this wouldn't bother me at all. If it bothers you, talk to her and ask her to keep clothes on your daughter for mealtime. Let her know that you don't mind if the clothes get messy (she might be afraid of getting the clothes messy since your daughter takes her bib off). No need to make a big deal out of it though, or FIRE her for it when you say everything else is great. If this is your biggest issue with your nanny, consider yourself lucky. |
Anonymous
| I can't imagine being bothered by this. Nor being so clueless that I couldn't seen the correlation between my own presence and disruption to the day...nor that I wouldn't just be grateful that the nanny has the foresight to keep her clothes from being ruined at every mealtime. JFC. I don't say this often but stay home with your own kid. |
Anonymous
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Dear OP,
Its understandable to want to spend time with your daughter think its harmless to her behavior but that may be causing issues. Consider why you hired the nanny in the first place- so she takes care of your child while you work. Giving space is essential especially when working from home. Its your responsibility to find ways to stay out of the way. This is the issue nanny have been struggling with for the entire duration of the pandemic. WFH parents who knowingly or unknowingly interfere (directly/indirectly) with nanny & child's day and then either pretend or say that they don't know why children are upset and set unrealistic expectations for the nanny and child. Your nanny and baby are not robots. Please please understand the following or you may risk losing a reliable nanny. 1. Eating in the same room as a baby who either struggles with separation anxiety or throws tantrums especially during meals IS the problem. Children do not understand why nanny is there to handle them while you are there and they obviously (as they should) want you to be involved but as you say, you cant and would rather not because it would interfere with your nanny & child's routine but then how does sitting in the same room help? its just as unhelpful. You mentioned, your husband has advised you to eat lunch in your office and most parents who understand why, prepare lunch in the mornings.night before and have it in their office- question is why won't you listen to him? 2. So you know why this is happening and now you believe your nanny is the issue? Really think about that and how your nanny has pulled through all of it knoing that you have no intentions of respecting lunch time routine. 3. Parents being present and indirectly micromanaging IS a distraction to most toddlers especially during meals. This only works if your child is at an age where they understand that Mommy cannot play/do lunch with me right now even though shes present in the home. That takes a long time. 4. You cant expect your toddler to stop tantrums at meals simply because you & hubby are able to find ways to calm her yet you have no one standing in your way as is the case here with your nanny. 5. Even if you now eat in your office,your toddler is still accustomed to throwing tantrums during lunch and it can become habitual as the result of the inconsistency and interferences from you (she probably thinks you will come in or is just used to associating tantrums with lunch). Either way, it will take time for your daughter to move past this hurdle and if you want to keep your nanny, give grace and time for this to actually happen. But if you're looking for ways to get rid of her, then continue indirectly micromanaging and interfering with their day. |
Anonymous
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I’m confused on why the baby is in a diaper only. Is baby a messy eater and nanny is trying to keep clothes clean? If so, I’d thank the nanny for thinking ahead and saving me time trying to get stains out and money on new clothes.
Or is this supposed to be some punishment because baby is a picky eater? That’s messed up and I’d probably fire her before she gets a chance to permanently f up my baby’s relationship with food. I guess I’d start by just asking the nanny why the baby is only in a diaper and go from there. On a completely different note, OP, it is a common request of nannies that parents steer clear during their shift. I totally get it. My nanny said the same thing and I agreed. Over time I grew to resent it - after all it’s my baby and if I have an extra 30 minutes in my day, why can’t I go see her?! - and I wish I could tell you that I came up with a great compromise but I didn’t. Instead I gradually shifted to being a quasi-SAHM with work sprinkled in and using mothers helpers, who would work beside me. It’s been a lot better for me and my kids. At the same time, I think part of what drives parents to want to pop in for 15 minutes here and there is working mom guilt. Hugs OP - it’s hard!!! |
Anonymous
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A typical toddler is able to sit for about 10 minutes to eat. You expect your nanny to keep her seated for 20 minutes?
If your child won’t wear a bib, then there are at least 2 intelligent choices. Eat in her diaper to reduce clothing stains, or let her clothes stay on and risk permanent stains. I bet that you eating lunch with your child is causing most of the issues you are terribly concerned about. I suggest you let nanny focus on her own lunch, and you take over feeding your child as you eat your lunch. That is actually a great way to show your nanny how you deal with your child at meals, and you will give your child the focused attention she wants from you. If you actually fire this nanny for letting your toddler eat in just a diaper, you are being ridiculous. Is your child actively engaged and playing to learn with nanny? Do they read, listen to music, and enjoy each other? Does nanny take your child to playgrounds and on field trips? Does nanny prepare nutritious meals and let your child eat without forcing her to eat all the food or micromanaging HOW she eats? If the answers to those questions are yes, then you need to unclench and let your nanny do her job. |
Anonymous
| You could fire her if you don’t like how she does things. Then you can hire someone else who does several things wrong you don’t like. |
Anonymous
Over the nanny having your daughter eat in just her diaper? Are you kidding? I've handled this phase of taking off the bib, throwing food and throwing dishes in various ways. The first time the child takes off the bib, throws a food or dish, they get a warning. "Keep the bib on. Food stays on the tray. Food goes in your mouth. Bowl/cup/spoon/plate stays on the tray." After I give the verbal warning, i have the child look at me and communicate understanding, whether that's a nod, a yes or whatever they can do (I understand that verbal communication and physical ability to throw do not go hand in hand). The second time, the child is told the same thing, and the food, dish, bib is set on the counter in direct eye line while I set a timer for 30 seconds and wait. Yes, there's usually wailing because they don't get their way. After the timer goes off, I repeat the same thing and then give back the bib/dish/food. When it happens a third time (and it almost always does), the meal or snack is over. The child is cleaned up, the kitchen is put back to rights and we move on with our day. However, depending on how much they ate, I set a new snack time 30-60 minutes later and prefaces the food with the same instructions. The same routine follows. Most children pass that phase within a week with me, occasionally taking two weeks. If there are no cameras in the house, I set up my phone to record the second time from the preface instructions through the lift down, and then the parents and I discuss when they get home. As long as they stick to it too, they don't have to deal with it any longer than I do. There are a few children who keep doing it. After two weeks, I just set our new schedule as meals/snacks every hour, and when the child says they want to go to the park/library/nature center (fish)/whatever, we can't because it's almost snack time. "When you can keep your bib on/keep your food/dishes on the tray, we can go have fun." When that is said before every snack and meal (and parents cooperate on the weekend), the child goes along sooner. There are some children who just continue to pull off the bib. I switched to hand towels and the old style of diaper pins which don't come off no matter how hard they pull. "When you can stop pulling, you can have the other bib back." Finally, I had one child who decided that he would crush and smear any food all over himself. He ate in just his diaper and got a sponge bath after every snack and meal until he stopped. The trade off of stunting his independence, hand-eye coordination, hand grip, and learning to hold the spoon upright and balanced from bowl to mouth wasn't worth taking away his ability to self-feed. |
Anonymous
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Where is that world where 18 month old can tell people they want to go to the playground or library? Gosh, some posters have no clue about 18 month olds and yet they post "instructions". Offer snack half hour after failed lunch every time encourages every toddler in this world to go for it and have snack instead of lunch, yay! That kind of nanny behavior would drive me nuts and get the nanny fired. It would mean she has no clue where 18 month old developmentally is, most only have 20 words in their vocabulary at that age and do not make a connection between throwing food and not going to the library.
OP, your toddler sounds very tired at meal time, move lunch 30 min early, and use an overall bib that has sleeves and covers all the clothes. Easy. |
Anonymous
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I think some seem to be fixated on that OP is only bothered by the bib and clothes being stained (thus giving oversimplified solutions as if its just black & white) instead of helping OP figure out exactly why toddler eating in her diaper is bothering her...which OP still hasnt quite shared.
So all this has many solutions depending on whats actually going on. Thats for her to figure out honestly...and hopefully what ever conversation she has with the nanny will show who & whats the actual problem...in this case I am not convinced that the nanny is doing something out of the ordinary. Also to PP, every toddler is different. Not every toddler will be encouraged to think that they can just have snack instead...while you do have a point, but That kind of backfiring happens if you one 17:50 PP's method wrong and too literally without finding ways to think outside the box for what will work for the particular child. Eg if you offer the same lunch FIRST and you dont call it snack (you just repeat the same routine you did at lunch as 17:50 said), in my experience, it doesn't set the tone that the toddler will just have snack instead. I think 17:50 mentioned offering "snack time 30-60mins later (than lunch)" to make sure people don't assume this method suggests punishing a child by taking away their meal and leave them hungry (using hunger as punishment). The reason for this method is to help you and toddler figure out if some of the behavior is because toddler is actually not hungry/ready for a meal or if its just behavioral and either way, the solution wont involve forcing toddler to eat (which creates unhealthy relationship with food/backfires)...the solution involves allowing toddler to figure out a natural consequence...they will feel hungry and realize thats what lunch is for, to eat to have energy to play (and its not forced). They also learn social cues and manners. Eg if I act like i don't need the food anymore, it'll be put away and when i'm ready to eat I will eat. But either way it will be during meal times (not just snacking throughout the days instead of having decent/wholesome meals) and no snacks will be given as substitutes for meals. |
Anonymous
An 18 month old can sign or say go book and go play. |
Anonymous
Bingo. |
Anonymous
| My daughter is 19 months and I take off her shirt all the time before eating, especially if it's something extra messy like yogurt. |
Anonymous
| My house is quite cool, and I would not want my toddler to sit in just a diaper for half hour unless it is summer time. Your nanny sounds mean, OP. Since you are afraid of asking her why, your post sounds weird too. |
Anonymous
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My bosses work from home and they wait till the 19 month old is being put down for a nap, by myself. Before going into the kitchen to get lunch. Then going back to their office to eat it. It provides much less interruptions and tantrums from Mr 19 month old and Mr 4 year old.
Also my sister would have her toddler just eat in a diaper as he was a messy eater. I have known other parents who do this as well. |