Giving a PT Nanny reference when the nanny wasn't great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

was he playing with your kids in the living room at the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

So why are you asking, OP? You already know you’re going to trash him.

OP here. I was honest. I want to save another family from a nanny search. This person isn't nanny material.

I still don’t know why you posted. You just want to tell us that you didn’t give your former nanny a good recommendation? If so, well… okay. Whatever.

It's actually a pretty common problem. This is an.advice forum for employers of nannies. The person below has the same issues, and I think many people give the reference anyway. I don't think this person is cut out to be a nanny. He's been let go from other jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

Lawyer here. I strongly suggest just saying you are unable to serve as a reference when anyone calls you. I would not say anything good, because that will be misleading, but I wouldn't say anything bad, because you could be sued.

This is even worse "I'm not able to serve as a reference" when the OP respond with this sentence; she is already saying everything was very bad with the nanny; without saying even a word".

[Anonymous]

My best advice here would be to be as honest as you can.

Because there is a child involved here - I couldn’t lie as a reference.

Let them know that truthfully you did have some punctuality issues w/him as well as an issue regarding straightening up the house.

Just be very broad w/what you say > no need to give any specific details on your own.

And try to end things w/the positive attributes this person did have.
Any parent w/common sense would have the ability to read through the lines on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

Lawyer here. I strongly suggest just saying you are unable to serve as a reference when anyone calls you. I would not say anything good, because that will be misleading, but I wouldn't say anything bad, because you could be sued.

This is even worse "I'm not able to serve as a reference" when the OP respond with this sentence; she is already saying everything was very bad with the nanny; without saying even a word".

No one cares whether the nanny gets another job. The advice is so no other family gets screwed by a crap nanny while also preventing OP from getting sued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

Lawyer here. I strongly suggest just saying you are unable to serve as a reference when anyone calls you. I would not say anything good, because that will be misleading, but I wouldn't say anything bad, because you could be sued.

This is even worse "I'm not able to serve as a reference" when the OP respond with this sentence; she is already saying everything was very bad with the nanny; without saying even a word".

No one cares whether the nanny gets another job. The advice is so no other family gets screwed by a crap nanny while also preventing OP from getting sued.

I know nobody cares if a nanny get the job or not. But just saying that sentence; she is already sending the message the nanny was not good at all. So why not to be honest with the family who will reach out? Instead saying "I'm not able to serve as a reference"? . Why just don't be honest and tell the true; that she was just a ok nanny and not perfect. And she had little issues like not being punctual all the time at work; and not a good helper either; keeping the kids areas tidy and organized beforr the end of the day. You can be nice and honest. It's up to the other family if they think she would be a good fit for them or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

Lawyer here. I strongly suggest just saying you are unable to serve as a reference when anyone calls you. I would not say anything good, because that will be misleading, but I wouldn't say anything bad, because you could be sued.

This is even worse "I'm not able to serve as a reference" when the OP respond with this sentence; she is already saying everything was very bad with the nanny; without saying even a word".

No one cares whether the nanny gets another job. The advice is so no other family gets screwed by a crap nanny while also preventing OP from getting sued.

I know nobody cares if a nanny get the job or not. But just saying that sentence; she is already sending the message the nanny was not good at all. So why not to be honest with the family who will reach out? Instead saying "I'm not able to serve as a reference"? . Why just don't be honest and tell the true; that she was just a ok nanny and not perfect. And she had little issues like not being punctual all the time at work; and not a good helper either; keeping the kids areas tidy and organized beforr the end of the day. You can be nice and honest. It's up to the other family if they think she would be a good fit for them or not.

Because she can get sued for giving a bad reference, that’s why.

[Anonymous]

No one in the history of the world have ever been sued by giving a good reference for a not-so-great nanny! Stop the high drama!!

References should be honest - both good and bad. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

So why are you asking, OP? You already know you’re going to trash him.

OP here. I was honest. I want to save another family from a nanny search. This person isn't nanny material.

So why the post? Are you that desperate for attention and outside validation? No one here knows your nanny and you aren’t oh so sacrificially “saving” anyone here.

[Anonymous]

DP: Unfortunately, nanny employers lie to new families all the time to pass on problem nannies. I think the prospective family should be asking very specific questions in hopes of getting some useful information.
e.g.: How many sick days did the nanny take over the past 6 months?
How many times per week was he/she early/on time/late for work?
What's the most creative activity he/she did with the children?
Did he/she drive your car? How far? Was there any damage to the vehicle?
How did he/she show initiative?
What's the one thing you would change about the nanny?

Even if you don't get truth, you might get a sense of the performance if the praise is faint.

[Anonymous]

Please save some other family the trouble of hiring a bad nanny by being honest. Tell the good and the bad. As for being sued, if you are being honest then it is not a problem. How would the nanny know what the reference said anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one in the history of the world have ever been sued by giving a good reference for a not-so-great nanny! Stop the high drama!!

References should be honest - both good and bad. Period.

Even if it’s not a lawsuit, there can still be plenty of drama and unnecessary headache for the parent. And as a parent, I’m probably not looking to spend all my free time on this. Saying “no comment” gets me off the hook pretty quickly with a clear message and no legal risk.

[Anonymous]

Just keep it short and say the things you liked. So easy. Be nice with those who looked after your kids. You are not perfect either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just say "I'm sorry, but not able to give a reference for Doug."

I would just confirm his dates of employment

[Anonymous]

When people are interested in giving a good reference - meaning they liked the person and are happy with their performance, they are quick to respond. You call on a Tuesday and then get back to you by Wednesday evening. People who were ok but not great, someone would call you by Thursday. More than three days to call you back or never do, that is information enough.

As the reference, just don't call back.