Giving a PT Nanny reference when the nanny wasn't great

[Anonymous]

He was great with my child but not great at showing up on time. Not great at cleaning up children's messes. He didn't change the baby's diaper before he was off. Almost every time, my baby had a BM diaper after his shift was finished.

[Anonymous]

Be honest

[Anonymous]

I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

[Anonymous]

You can not give great references of someone who was not a great nanny. Maybe you can say she is just good but not great. You have to be honest when you recommend your nanny to a new family. Bcs she was not doing her job properly, like cleaning up after children messes, mainly working with babies or younger kids. This is a responsibility for the nanny. And that's true; a Housekeeper will come at least twice a month to clean the house in general; but they are not going to clean everyday children mess. As a nanny this has been always my responsibility; mainly making sure my charges are safe, clean, happy and well cared before my end of the day. Also it's very important to take your job very seriously; being punctual everyday at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

I totally agree with you. Are you being asked to write a reference letter, or just getting called or emailed?

[Anonymous]

Hopefully this person wasn’t with you long. If so it’s not a good look on you giving the reference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

So why are you asking, OP? You already know you’re going to trash him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

So why are you asking, OP? You already know you’re going to trash him.

OP here. I was honest. I want to save another family from a nanny search. This person isn't nanny material.

[Anonymous]

I would not respond to any reference calls. That should say enough and you don’t want to get into lawsuit territory with a negative reference.

[Anonymous]

I'd just say "I'm sorry, but not able to give a reference for Doug."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

Did you leave a clean house for him? Was he a nanny or a housekeeper because a housekeeper does not clean the house or change diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely focus on the positive. Her not cleaning up messes may not be an issue for some with full time housekeepers and occasional lateness does not bother all employers who are also late.

Her relationship and handling of your child is what’s most important anyway.

OP here. Yeah, I don't think so. He didn't bother to clean the children's toy messes. I came home to sofa cushions all over the living room. In what world does a housekeeper go around cleaning up after children when the child has a nanny. Lateness is also a big one. If you want to be treated as a professional, it means showing up on time to work.

So why are you asking, OP? You already know you’re going to trash him.

OP here. I was honest. I want to save another family from a nanny search. This person isn't nanny material.

I still don’t know why you posted. You just want to tell us that you didn’t give your former nanny a good recommendation? If so, well… okay. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to the OP:

I am having the same dilemma. I am letting our nanny go and they had similar issues. Late to work multiple times a week, didn't clean up kids toys, can't follow through with potty training that i started.
I am nervous about not being honest to another family, because i got screwed by a fake nice reference about her in the past. My husband advises me to be kind and focus on the positive, like she is a genuinely nice person.
I have to think about how to handle this more. I understand at the end of the day i could be affecting someone's livelihood by giving them a negative reference so i may just focus on the positive and then give constructive criticism to the family like, you may have to remind this nanny to clean up toys and arrive on time daily.
I dunno.

Lawyer here. I strongly suggest just saying you are unable to serve as a reference when anyone calls you. I would not say anything good, because that will be misleading, but I wouldn't say anything bad, because you could be sued.