Ex au pair ask me to sponsor her, it is complicated...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I said NO and feel so much better. Tbh I am still surprised she casually asked me to do it. It was really like "you don't work for the government, this is no risk for you". I was a bit offended but wanted to at least think if there were ways to help her because we have (had?) a good relationship.

Anyway, thanks, everyone!

As if the laws only need to be followed if someone is doing a 5 year investigation of you. Many families do it, I know we wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

What nonsense. Are you an entitled AP?

This ap had a big ask, with a dubious work situation of her own. She had no problem saying no to OP's requests, repeatedly, but expects OP to say yes to something that carries a major financial risk?

Get out of here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

A favor? A favor is running to the store to grab milk for someone. It's not signing legal documents stating you will be financially responsible for an unrelated adult who you barely kept up with over the last two years.

Maybe someday you will grow up and realize that not all families with younger kids want to deal with someone else's immigration concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

Haha nice try but I will bite. She actually said no to me twice but kept asking for favor like being her reference multiple times for illegal nanny jobs, which I did. But yeah this was too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

Here’s the law again:

"The sponsor's responsibility lasts until the immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, has earned 40 work quarters credited toward Social Security (a work quarter is about three months, so this means about ten years of work), dies, or permanently leaves the United States. If the immigrant has already been living in the U.S. and earned work credits before applying for the green card, those count toward the 40."

Asking someone to take on the legal and financial obligation of possibly supporting another adult for TEN YEARS is not just a favor. I do this for three adult family members; there’s no way I would agree to do this for a non-relative, let alone an AP who didn’t keep up with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

This is such a big ask that one of my parents refused to sponsor their own SIBLING, because the sibling couldn't be trusted to hold down a job and not make trouble. Absolutely absurd to expect an unrelated person to do this, possibly jeopardizing the financial stability of THEIR OWN CHILDREN in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

Haha nice try but I will bite. She actually said no to me twice but kept asking for favor like being her reference multiple times for illegal nanny jobs, which I did. But yeah this was too much.

If you keep saying yourself that you served for her reference for multiple families without you really wanted; even knowing she said No to you twice. it was your fault. Nobody put a gun on your head to do it. Stop complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Our former Au pair asked us for this, and both me and my husband work for the government. She was really upset when we said no. Actually she didn’t ask us to sponsor her, she just wanted to live rent free in our house for “just two to four years”. In exchange for nothing because we couldn’t accept childcare from her on her student visa (as we are govt workers but also no one can legally accept child care from someone on a student visa… that’s a violation of the visa regardless of your job). Anyway this debacle sort of ruined our relationship for a bit but we do see her from time to time in dc, and she facetimes the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

Haha nice try but I will bite. She actually said no to me twice but kept asking for favor like being her reference multiple times for illegal nanny jobs, which I did. But yeah this was too much.

If you keep saying yourself that you served for her reference for multiple families without you really wanted; even knowing she said No to you twice. it was your fault. Nobody put a gun on your head to do it. Stop complaining about it.

I am not complaining, I did it happily then, but her most recent ask (that you called "favor") makes me think that she is trying to take advantage of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our former Au pair asked us for this, and both me and my husband work for the government. She was really upset when we said no. Actually she didn’t ask us to sponsor her, she just wanted to live rent free in our house for “just two to four years”. In exchange for nothing because we couldn’t accept childcare from her on her student visa (as we are govt workers but also no one can legally accept child care from someone on a student visa… that’s a violation of the visa regardless of your job). Anyway this debacle sort of ruined our relationship for a bit but we do see her from time to time in dc, and she facetimes the kids.

Same. We told her we were feds on like month 3 and she asked for a rematch the next day. Left hours later. She had plans that we couldn't accommodate and she didn't see the point of continuing to keep up the act. It was tough, but it was for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe someday you'll need someone to do you a favor and they'll say no, you'll remember how you said no to this young woman and how she must feel.

Haha nice try but I will bite. She actually said no to me twice but kept asking for favor like being her reference multiple times for illegal nanny jobs, which I did. But yeah this was too much.

If you keep saying yourself that you served for her reference for multiple families without you really wanted; even knowing she said No to you twice. it was your fault. Nobody put a gun on your head to do it. Stop complaining about it.

I am not complaining, I did it happily then, but her most recent ask (that you called "favor") makes me think that she is trying to take advantage of the situation.

And this was a Brazilian aupair who is still in the US somehow years later. I think her plan worked out well. We had a Colombian aupair who got married and is still here but was very transparent about how she would go home but loves it here and was going to stay as a student even if she didn't find a boyfriend. The difference? The Colombian aupair really wanted to be an aupair and enjoyed her years with us. It made the entire thing a better experience. If your kids and family are a means to an end for someone you have entrusted, it sucks.

[Anonymous]

If she has the money, her parents could sponsor her. She could've save up the money working 2 years as an Au Pair. The government asked to see only 1 year of living expenses+ tuition. She could've picked community college or UDC, because those are cheaper. Most foreign students work somewhere-at school, nannies, restaurants, pools, tutoring.
I've been a foreign student twice, and have knows ca 20 who made the switch from being an Au Pair.
OP, I'm so glad you said no.This is not a person you would have wanted to sponsor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had an au pair in 2019 who we really liked. She was with us for a year. We asked her to extend with us but she said no because she wanted a different experience. She extended with a local family who works for the government. I was a bit hurt but understood.

Because of COVID, our next au pair couldn't come and we spend a year scrambling for childcare. We kept in touch with her and have a great relation. She stayed in the area and I was her reference for some nanny jobs she got after finishing her year with her other family. I got a lot of calls from families who wanted to hire her.
I also tried to hire her as an after-school nanny but she said no because she preferred a full-time job so she can make a lot of money for her studies. She tries to visit the kids for their birthday, brings presents for the kids (we also sent presents) and is a nice person and my family loves her.

She texted me that she want to apply for a Master's and if I can sponsor her. She says she has the money but just needs an American sponsor on the paper. Her most recent family works for the government and can't sponsor her. She tells me a lot of HF do that and that is no risk for me.

To be honest I am uncomfortable with the idea for many reasons. I know a lot of families do that, but they usually take risks because they are getting some childcare in return. Why would I take so much risk? Also, I am a bit bitter she rejected us twice!! If she would have stayed with us or was still working for us I could have convinced myself to take the risk but right now I find her casual demand a bit too much. I guess I encouraged her by being her reference for all thise jobs she was applying for. Btw we paid her to babysit for us once since she left. She is kind of my backup babysitter but I have a lot of other options. I asked her to babysit because I knew she needed the money and the kids would love to see her.

By the way, he claims that according to her lawyer there is no risk for me because I don't work for the government, it is really the only risk?


WWYD?

You got your answer right there.