mom’s boss acting really cruel about recent surgery.

[Anonymous]

I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this is the reality of the position. 16yo don’t need a nanny. The position is now housekeeper/driver, but if all she does is drive, cook and do laundry and dishes, it’s not even that.

In your mother’s position, I would have used the upcoming surgery as a way to gracefully exit on good terms, especially since you never know how it will go for recuperation. It’s better to start over with a new family after the surgery.

Since she’s only been with the family 14 years and the youngest is 16, she didn’t start until the youngest was 2. Extrapolating that, at least one older child was 3+, so someone else did much of the hard work of “raising” the toddlers and infants. I’m not saying that she didn’t work hard (I don’t work with infants under 6 months, and I work hard!), but saying that someone who supervises children before and after school “raises” them is a misnomer. Now, if she was working 8+ hours per day and they never saw their parents, then I’ll agree with you.

I hope you mom recovers well. At this point, if she quits while recuperating, she’s unlikely to get a decent bonus, even with the number of years she’s invested in the family. I also don’t think taking 6 weeks for surgery will endear her to them, so I’m not sure what her next step will be.

When does she think this position will end?

“She’s only been with the family for 14 years”?!! Are you kidding?!! 14 years of service to ANY employer demands human decency and accommodation.

OP’s mother’s employer’s in a cruel and entitled hag. It doesn’t matter what OP’s mother’s job has evolved into - she deserves respect and paid time off with an offer from her employer to help in any way she can.

WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

very true, however you're probably a MB that would do this and act so disgusting. my point of this post is to show how ungrateful some MBs can be....yea quitting is def an option. my mom told her she can wait for her or not. health is first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

very true, however you're probably a MB that would do this and act so disgusting. my point of this post is to show how ungrateful some MBs can be....yea quitting is def an option. my mom told her she can wait for her or not. health is first.

Like tends to attract like you know. I'd be interested in the MB's perspective of your mom, if her attitude in any way matches yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

very true, however you're probably a MB that would do this and act so disgusting. my point of this post is to show how ungrateful some MBs can be....yea quitting is def an option. my mom told her she can wait for her or not. health is first.

Like tends to attract like you know. I'd be interested in the MB's perspective of your mom, if her attitude in any way matches yours.

what was this supposed to say? after 14 years I'm pretty sure MB would've fired my mom for having a bad attitude. its disgusting some of the comments people have said on here, including yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

very true, however you're probably a MB that would do this and act so disgusting. my point of this post is to show how ungrateful some MBs can be....yea quitting is def an option. my mom told her she can wait for her or not. health is first.

Like tends to attract like you know. I'd be interested in the MB's perspective of your mom, if her attitude in any way matches yours.

what was this supposed to say? after 14 years I'm pretty sure MB would've fired my mom for having a bad attitude. its disgusting some of the comments people have said on here, including yours.

I apologize OP. I reread your post and realized my mistake. You were just coming on to vent, you actually didn't ask for feedback or opinions.

Fair enough. You are allowed to be angry.

I hope your mom heals well and she (and you) have happier days ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an MB. I would never treat someone who had been with my family for 14years this way. We had a nanny take an extended leave (for a combination of family loss and illness) for about 7 weeks. It was incredibly hard to accommodate but we made it work because she had been with our family for 2 years and was facing really tough stuff beyond her control.

So what you are describing sounds pretty awful to me.

That said, you're also saying that the boss' behavior now is completely in keeping with how she has always behaved. So therefore your mother knew what to expect, has chosen to stay in the job given the consistent behavior, and I'm not sure why you would expect anything different from this employer now?

it was ONE TIME, 8 years ago so my mom didn't think she would behave the same way....AGAIN. at that time the children were elementary aged. so that time she more of a reason to feel stressed but this time its just sad and disgusting. lazy ass woman who feels entitled to having help yet can't be empathetic when life happens....

So your mom can quit and find another job.

There are lots of crummy people in the world - that's life.

very true, however you're probably a MB that would do this and act so disgusting. my point of this post is to show how ungrateful some MBs can be....yea quitting is def an option. my mom told her she can wait for her or not. health is first.

Like tends to attract like you know. I'd be interested in the MB's perspective of your mom, if her attitude in any way matches yours.

what was this supposed to say? after 14 years I'm pretty sure MB would've fired my mom for having a bad attitude. its disgusting some of the comments people have said on here, including yours.

I apologize OP. I reread your post and realized my mistake. You were just coming on to vent, you actually didn't ask for feedback or opinions.

Fair enough. You are allowed to be angry.

I hope your mom heals well and she (and you) have happier days ahead.

I appreciate that. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this is the reality of the position. 16yo don’t need a nanny. The position is now housekeeper/driver, but if all she does is drive, cook and do laundry and dishes, it’s not even that.

In your mother’s position, I would have used the upcoming surgery as a way to gracefully exit on good terms, especially since you never know how it will go for recuperation. It’s better to start over with a new family after the surgery.

Since she’s only been with the family 14 years and the youngest is 16, she didn’t start until the youngest was 2. Extrapolating that, at least one older child was 3+, so someone else did much of the hard work of “raising” the toddlers and infants. I’m not saying that she didn’t work hard (I don’t work with infants under 6 months, and I work hard!), but saying that someone who supervises children before and after school “raises” them is a misnomer. Now, if she was working 8+ hours per day and they never saw their parents, then I’ll agree with you.

I hope you mom recovers well. At this point, if she quits while recuperating, she’s unlikely to get a decent bonus, even with the number of years she’s invested in the family. I also don’t think taking 6 weeks for surgery will endear her to them, so I’m not sure what her next step will be.

When does she think this position will end?

“She’s only been with the family for 14 years”?!! Are you kidding?!! 14 years of service to ANY employer demands human decency and accommodation.

OP’s mother’s employer’s in a cruel and entitled hag. It doesn’t matter what OP’s mother’s job has evolved into - she deserves respect and paid time off with an offer from her employer to help in any way she can.

WTF is wrong with you?

She’s been there 14 years. She was not there for ANY of the children’s first two years of life, and presumably the kids were all in school at least part time within a year. She did NOT raise them. That is my objection to the main post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need input from MBs who have been in this position. My mom had surgery and needs 6 weeks to recover. She can’t work and doctor gave her a note. My mom is a full time housekeeper/nanny. She has worked for this woman for 14 years and raised her two children. Currently she helps with housekeeping and with the youngest who is 16.
Her MB is being a total jerk about her having to take 6 weeks because it was originally only supposed to be 2. This does not inconvenience her at all except in the fact that she will have to cook for her son and do her own laundry and wash her own dishes.
She is showing my mom that she doesn’t care about her health and cares more about herself.
Is it unreasonable for her to be acting this way? It was extremely unexpected and of course my mom didn’t plan this but they found some
Thing else during surgery which pushed it to 6 weeks. My mom raised this woman’s children and this is the thanks my mom gets?

What do you mean by "being a jerk about"? If you mean, is unwilling to pay her for all 6 weeks that's very different than if she's actually being cruel. Is she live in? Because, if not, why is she even around your mom to experience cruelness?

of course she's not paying her. my mom doesn't expect to get paid. she's mad that no one is going to be there to help for 6 weeks. she's saying that she should go back as soon as possible. my mom said she doesn't follow health advice unless its from her doctor. boss is mad because she wants her to go back when she said she was. she expressed how this isn't going to work for her.

"Of course" she's not paying her? Geez. I paid our nanny for several weeks when she developed a severe kidney infection and couldn't work. I would not have dreamed of asking her to come back before she and her doctor thought she was ready. But she had worked for us for several years and was like a member of our family. I think that MB sounds horrible.

OP here, thank you for this response. the first few poster are probably MBs who would also act so horrendous. anyway, she has always treated my mom this way even when she had another surgery 8 years ago. its truly disgusting.

Nope, I’m a realistic nanny. Your mom stayed in the position too long, especially if this is the second time that this MB has treated her this way.

She needs to move on. She’s not a nanny anymore, she’s a housekeeper. If she wants to nanny, she needs to find a family with a nanny, whether it’s the first or last won’t matter. Then she needs to move on no later than when the youngest goes to middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

The youngest “child” is a 16yo...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need input from MBs who have been in this position. My mom had surgery and needs 6 weeks to recover. She can’t work and doctor gave her a note. My mom is a full time housekeeper/nanny. She has worked for this woman for 14 years and raised her two children. Currently she helps with housekeeping and with the youngest who is 16.
Her MB is being a total jerk about her having to take 6 weeks because it was originally only supposed to be 2. This does not inconvenience her at all except in the fact that she will have to cook for her son and do her own laundry and wash her own dishes.
She is showing my mom that she doesn’t care about her health and cares more about herself.
Is it unreasonable for her to be acting this way? It was extremely unexpected and of course my mom didn’t plan this but they found some
Thing else during surgery which pushed it to 6 weeks. My mom raised this woman’s children and this is the thanks my mom gets?

What do you mean by "being a jerk about"? If you mean, is unwilling to pay her for all 6 weeks that's very different than if she's actually being cruel. Is she live in? Because, if not, why is she even around your mom to experience cruelness?

of course she's not paying her. my mom doesn't expect to get paid. she's mad that no one is going to be there to help for 6 weeks. she's saying that she should go back as soon as possible. my mom said she doesn't follow health advice unless its from her doctor. boss is mad because she wants her to go back when she said she was. she expressed how this isn't going to work for her.

Look, it’s clear this boss isn’t very nice, but you can’t really have it both ways... If she can easily do whatever job your mom is going for a month & a half, then she doesn’t actually need your mom anymore and is keeping her on to be nice. If your mom performs a necessary service, then she needs a replacement for 6 weeks. In current conditions, that may not be possible without a long term job offer. Also, just being honest, it sounds like she might think your mom isn’t being honest.. Either that she doesn’t really need 6 weeks or that she knew she’d need 6 weeks but lied. That might be wholly unreasonable in the circumstances and given your mom, but it might explain why she’s not being as nice as you think she should be.