mom’s boss acting really cruel about recent surgery.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. Your mother deserves much better treatment. Posters are arguing incidentals. The bottom line in any job is that 14 years earns you respect and concern and sick-pay!

I hope karma takes care of your mother’s employer and your mom has a quick recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

The youngest “child” is a 16yo...

A 16 year old does not need a nanny. MB would be better off with a housekeeper who drives and OP’s mom with a new employer after she recovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

The youngest “child” is a 16yo...

A 16 year old does not need a nanny. MB would be better off with a housekeeper who drives and OP’s mom with a new employer after she recovers.

True but not the point. OP’s mother’s employer acted abominably.

[Anonymous]

OP mentioned MB only caring about herself and that shines through for me here. MB doesn't need the help but feels entitled to having it and wants zero inconvenience in her life even if it means shortening someone's recovery from surgery.

OPs mom would probably enjoy another employer more but doesn't know that yet. Change can be scary and while in post surgical pain, a job search may feel overwhelming.

She should be getting paid for her recovery after 14 years due to vacation suck & personal time.

I raised my children with no nannies and if I took off the years I spent with them birth to 3 or 4 years old and just considered the next 14 years, I still raised them!!! I don't understand why people are questioning OPs characterization of her mom. Raising a child is more than diapers and dressing them. It's the emotional output that you give the children that helps form them into the adults they become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

The youngest “child” is a 16yo...

A 16 year old does not need a nanny. MB would be better off with a housekeeper who drives and OP’s mom with a new employer after she recovers.

True but not the point. OP’s mother’s employer acted abominably.

That is true. But sometimes we need to have a reason to leave and our life gets better after we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the MB only needs a housekeeper so it’s time for OP’s mom to quit and find another job. She isn’t being paid so why keep it going?

NP so I’m only guessing but she probably loves that child like her own and worries about him/her when she isn’t with him/her. Life caring for a child not your own is unlike any working life. Especially caring and loving a child with crappy parents.

The youngest “child” is a 16yo...

A 16 year old does not need a nanny. MB would be better off with a housekeeper who drives and OP’s mom with a new employer after she recovers.

True but not the point. OP’s mother’s employer acted abominably.

That is true. But sometimes we need to have a reason to leave and our life gets better after we do.

Again, true but OP is not the person being mistreated and just wanted to vent about her mom being clearly disrespected and mistreated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need input from MBs who have been in this position. My mom had surgery and needs 6 weeks to recover. She can’t work and doctor gave her a note. My mom is a full time housekeeper/nanny. She has worked for this woman for 14 years and raised her two children. Currently she helps with housekeeping and with the youngest who is 16.
Her MB is being a total jerk about her having to take 6 weeks because it was originally only supposed to be 2. This does not inconvenience her at all except in the fact that she will have to cook for her son and do her own laundry and wash her own dishes.
She is showing my mom that she doesn’t care about her health and cares more about herself.
Is it unreasonable for her to be acting this way? It was extremely unexpected and of course my mom didn’t plan this but they found some
Thing else during surgery which pushed it to 6 weeks. My mom raised this woman’s children and this is the thanks my mom gets?

Boss is being a jerk of course. She should be gracious and say it's OK. She should offer to pay her at least a week of it, since your mom has worked for so long.
But from her point of view, she needs your mom's services of cooking laundry and dishes. Say your mom worked 10 hours or 15 hours a week. Guess what. If you have a full time job, suddenly adding 10-15 hours of housework a week for 6 WEEKS is a BIG BURDEN. 2 weeks is doable. 6 weeks is NOT doable. Boss now has to spend time and effort to find someone else for that time. It takes a lot of time to find someone that matches up exactly the time frame, someone good and reliable to just do the temp job for 6 weeks. Boss will probably have to pay more to get someone so short notice. . So I understand the frustration the boss is going through. But boss should have contained her frustration and been more kind and gracious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need input from MBs who have been in this position. My mom had surgery and needs 6 weeks to recover. She can’t work and doctor gave her a note. My mom is a full time housekeeper/nanny. She has worked for this woman for 14 years and raised her two children. Currently she helps with housekeeping and with the youngest who is 16.
Her MB is being a total jerk about her having to take 6 weeks because it was originally only supposed to be 2. This does not inconvenience her at all except in the fact that she will have to cook for her son and do her own laundry and wash her own dishes.
She is showing my mom that she doesn’t care about her health and cares more about herself.
Is it unreasonable for her to be acting this way? It was extremely unexpected and of course my mom didn’t plan this but they found some
Thing else during surgery which pushed it to 6 weeks. My mom raised this woman’s children and this is the thanks my mom gets?

Boss is being a jerk of course. She should be gracious and say it's OK. She should offer to pay her at least a week of it, since your mom has worked for so long.
But from her point of view, she needs your mom's services of cooking laundry and dishes. Say your mom worked 10 hours or 15 hours a week. Guess what. If you have a full time job, suddenly adding 10-15 hours of housework a week for 6 WEEKS is a BIG BURDEN. 2 weeks is doable. 6 weeks is NOT doable. Boss now has to spend time and effort to find someone else for that time. It takes a lot of time to find someone that matches up exactly the time frame, someone good and reliable to just do the temp job for 6 weeks. Boss will probably have to pay more to get someone so short notice. . So I understand the frustration the boss is going through. But boss should have contained her frustration and been more kind and gracious.

It happens all the time in all professions and managers/bosses handle it. OP’s mother’s boss is a child. Managers deal with the unexpected with kindness and paid leave (in this case).

My assistant, right hand person who knows everything, had an achy leg and went to urgent care after work one day. She told me she’d see me tomorrow. Long story short, she went from urgent care straight to the hospital for more tests. They found ovarian cancer. Suddenly she was scheduled for surgery and treatment. All I ever said to her was that her job was to get well and come back when she was ready. I was lost without her and deadlines were missed but her health and life were more important. I fed her cat daily and helped her in any way I could. This is a small company and her absence was felt by everyone but no one complained. She came back four months later to a party and continued help.

Couch it any way you want, PP. OP’s mother’s boss is a self-centered, selfish, immature brat. Moral adults treat other people better and never put a burden on a sick employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to have to clean her own house for six weeks. It sounds like your mom went in for a simple surgery and wound up needing a hysterectomy. Shit happens. Your mom should tell her boss "I am under doctor's orders to be on medical leave for the next six weeks. I will be back March 15th and look forward to seeing you then." AND THEN TURN OFF HER PHONE.

This happened to me when I was 29. My supervisor was cruel, as is the MB. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Update OP? How is your mom doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this is the reality of the position. 16yo don’t need a nanny. The position is now housekeeper/driver, but if all she does is drive, cook and do laundry and dishes, it’s not even that.

In your mother’s position, I would have used the upcoming surgery as a way to gracefully exit on good terms, especially since you never know how it will go for recuperation. It’s better to start over with a new family after the surgery.

Since she’s only been with the family 14 years and the youngest is 16, she didn’t start until the youngest was 2. Extrapolating that, at least one older child was 3+, so someone else did much of the hard work of “raising” the toddlers and infants. I’m not saying that she didn’t work hard (I don’t work with infants under 6 months, and I work hard!), but saying that someone who supervises children before and after school “raises” them is a misnomer. Now, if she was working 8+ hours per day and they never saw their parents, then I’ll agree with you.

I hope you mom recovers well. At this point, if she quits while recuperating, she’s unlikely to get a decent bonus, even with the number of years she’s invested in the family. I also don’t think taking 6 weeks for surgery will endear her to them, so I’m not sure what her next step will be.

When does she think this position will end?

too much sanctimonious sh*t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this is the reality of the position. 16yo don’t need a nanny. The position is now housekeeper/driver, but if all she does is drive, cook and do laundry and dishes, it’s not even that.

In your mother’s position, I would have used the upcoming surgery as a way to gracefully exit on good terms, especially since you never know how it will go for recuperation. It’s better to start over with a new family after the surgery.

Since she’s only been with the family 14 years and the youngest is 16, she didn’t start until the youngest was 2. Extrapolating that, at least one older child was 3+, so someone else did much of the hard work of “raising” the toddlers and infants. I’m not saying that she didn’t work hard (I don’t work with infants under 6 months, and I work hard!), but saying that someone who supervises children before and after school “raises” them is a misnomer. Now, if she was working 8+ hours per day and they never saw their parents, then I’ll agree with you.

I hope you mom recovers well. At this point, if she quits while recuperating, she’s unlikely to get a decent bonus, even with the number of years she’s invested in the family. I also don’t think taking 6 weeks for surgery will endear her to them, so I’m not sure what her next step will be.

When does she think this position will end?

too much sanctimonious sh*t

too late to respond. This thread is a year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Your mother’s employer is a classic b*tch and a horrible human. Sadly there are lots of them in all fields.

I wish your mother a speedy recovery and a new job.

This. I’m so sorry.

+3. I’m sorry. Your mother absolutely deserves better. 14 years! God, what is wrong with some women?

A 26 yr. Old does not need a nanny. Anyone who had worked me for 14 years, not only would I pay full salary, I would do all I could to help her. Your mother needs to get out of that hell hole.