What is wrong with the child I'm nannying?

[Anonymous]

Have you had a meeting with the parent to talk about their discipline philosophy? Do they use a token system? Do they have a sticker chart? Do they use time out? Warnings and then loss of privilege?

If they have a system, you should use it. You should be supported by then for using it And they should make sure the kids know you know the system.

If they don't have a system, that explains some of the behavior, but then you need to talk to them about what system they are comfortable with you using.

You should schedule a time that the parent can devote only time to you while the kids are engaged in something else so you can talk as adults.

[Anonymous]

1. No requests. No please or thank you attached to the task.

“Larla, were going to clean out the car.”

2. Model manners as you state each individual step. Offer choices you can tolerate.

“Please turn off the tv, or hand me the remote. Do you want to race to the car or twirl like a ballerina?”

Note that the choices did not include leaving the tv on or not going to the car. The child in the OP is only 5. Give plenty of smaller choices, plenty of agency, and you’re more likely to get compliance.

3. Praise effort, following directions and using manners. Ignore refusals and rude/hurtful comments. Remind a child who whines or cries (to get out of a task, NOT a child who is overstimulated!) that you can’t understand them, but you’re happy to listen when they can speak clearly.

“Thank you for turning off the tv, kiddle. I think I’m going to get to the car first. What do you think? Can you get there first?”

4. Make routine as smooth as possible. As you pull onto their block, remind them to carry specific items into the house. Only have necessary items in the car, unless they’re stored in a bag. Make cleaning out the car easier by having each child check to see if anyone else forgot something. (At least once per week, “forget” something small, so they keep checking!

The most important thing is to understand that young children need clear, simple directions to break down large tasks. Clean your room and clean the car are too karate and vague. Turn undesirable tasks into a desirable when/then.

“Your room needs to be cleaned. There are several steps. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Put your clean clothes back in your drawers or hang them in the closet. Put all of your jewelry in the box on your dresser. Put all of your books back on the shelf, either standing up or stacked neatly. Make your bed and it your time upload back at the top/head of the bed. Your art supplies will be back in the box under your bed. Your hard toys will be back in the box and dolls and stuffed animals will be on your bed. Make sure that your floor is clear of all items that have another home. I will be right out in the hall if you need help coeAning was r remembering the steps.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No requests. No please or thank you attached to the task.

“Larla, were going to clean out the car.”

2. Model manners as you state each individual step. Offer choices you can tolerate.

“Please turn off the tv, or hand me the remote. Do you want to race to the car or twirl like a ballerina?”

Note that the choices did not include leaving the tv on or not going to the car. The child in the OP is only 5. Give plenty of smaller choices, plenty of agency, and you’re more likely to get compliance.

3. Praise effort, following directions and using manners. Ignore refusals and rude/hurtful comments. Remind a child who whines or cries (to get out of a task, NOT a child who is overstimulated!) that you can’t understand them, but you’re happy to listen when they can speak clearly.

“Thank you for turning off the tv, kiddle. I think I’m going to get to the car first. What do you think? Can you get there first?”

4. Make routine as smooth as possible. As you pull onto their block, remind them to carry specific items into the house. Only have necessary items in the car, unless they’re stored in a bag. Make cleaning out the car easier by having each child check to see if anyone else forgot something. (At least once per week, “forget” something small, so they keep checking!

The most important thing is to understand that young children need clear, simple directions to break down large tasks. Clean your room and clean the car are too karate and vague. Turn undesirable tasks into a desirable when/then.

“Your room needs to be cleaned. There are several steps. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Put your clean clothes back in your drawers or hang them in the closet. Put all of your jewelry in the box on your dresser. Put all of your books back on the shelf, either standing up or stacked neatly. Make your bed and it your time upload back at the top/head of the bed. Your art supplies will be back in the box under your bed. Your hard toys will be back in the box and dolls and stuffed animals will be on your bed. Make sure that your floor is clear of all items that have another home. I will be right out in the hall if you need help coeAning was r remembering the steps.”

When your room is clean, then we can make cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. No requests. No please or thank you attached to the task.

“Larla, were going to clean out the car.”

2. Model manners as you state each individual step. Offer choices you can tolerate.

“Please turn off the tv, or hand me the remote. Do you want to race to the car or twirl like a ballerina?”

Note that the choices did not include leaving the tv on or not going to the car. The child in the OP is only 5. Give plenty of smaller choices, plenty of agency, and you’re more likely to get compliance.

3. Praise effort, following directions and using manners. Ignore refusals and rude/hurtful comments. Remind a child who whines or cries (to get out of a task, NOT a child who is overstimulated!) that you can’t understand them, but you’re happy to listen when they can speak clearly.

“Thank you for turning off the tv, kiddle. I think I’m going to get to the car first. What do you think? Can you get there first?”

4. Make routine as smooth as possible. As you pull onto their block, remind them to carry specific items into the house. Only have necessary items in the car, unless they’re stored in a bag. Make cleaning out the car easier by having each child check to see if anyone else forgot something. (At least once per week, “forget” something small, so they keep checking!

The most important thing is to understand that young children need clear, simple directions to break down large tasks. Clean your room and clean the car are too karate and vague. Turn undesirable tasks into a desirable when/then.

“Your room needs to be cleaned. There are several steps. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Put your clean clothes back in your drawers or hang them in the closet. Put all of your jewelry in the box on your dresser. Put all of your books back on the shelf, either standing up or stacked neatly. Make your bed and it your time upload back at the top/head of the bed. Your art supplies will be back in the box under your bed. Your hard toys will be back in the box and dolls and stuffed animals will be on your bed. Make sure that your floor is clear of all items that have another home. I will be right out in the hall if you need help coeAning was r remembering the steps.”

When your room is clean, then we can make cookies.

OP here, this is great advice. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you had a meeting with the parent to talk about their discipline philosophy? Do they use a token system? Do they have a sticker chart? Do they use time out? Warnings and then loss of privilege?

If they have a system, you should use it. You should be supported by then for using it And they should make sure the kids know you know the system.

If they don't have a system, that explains some of the behavior, but then you need to talk to them about what system they are comfortable with you using.

You should schedule a time that the parent can devote only time to you while the kids are engaged in something else so you can talk as adults.

So before I started the job, I had a conversation with the mother and asked her about their discipline style. She explained that they use a reward system and verbal warnings. The reward system seemed to work with the 11yo and 8yo, but not with the 5yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were too vague. Cleaning out the car is too big a job for a five year old. A better thing to say would have been "It's time to take all your toys from the van to the house - let's see how fast you can gather them all in this bag."

True. Will try this next time.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with the 5-year-old. She is testing you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a child her age with a new nanny. She is trying to figure out how to push your buttons, and where her discipline boundaries are with you.

Since you are quitting, I’m not going to bother giving you advice on managing this child. However, you would be well served to read about positive discipline, especially how to calmly set boundaries with children, and how to encourage them to cooperate without threats.

I’m currently caring for a child who tries to hit me when frustrated. I capture their hands, say “I am not going to let you hurt me. If you are angry, use words to tell me how you feel. Right now, you are angry at me because I told you it is time to do X. You do not want to do X.”

Reflective listening, patience, and calm resolve go a long way with kids of all ages. They want to be heard. Once they know you have heard them, most kids will do as you have asked.

There is no need to snatch things away or engage in childish drama. Lead with authority, establish simple ground rules, and act as if the children will follow your directions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with the 5-year-old. She is testing you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a child her age with a new nanny. She is trying to figure out how to push your buttons, and where her discipline boundaries are with you.

Since you are quitting, I’m not going to bother giving you advice on managing this child. However, you would be well served to read about positive discipline, especially how to calmly set boundaries with children, and how to encourage them to cooperate without threats.

I’m currently caring for a child who tries to hit me when frustrated. I capture their hands, say “I am not going to let you hurt me. If you are angry, use words to tell me how you feel. Right now, you are angry at me because I told you it is time to do X. You do not want to do X.”

Reflective listening, patience, and calm resolve go a long way with kids of all ages. They want to be heard. Once they know you have heard them, most kids will do as you have asked.

There is no need to snatch things away or engage in childish drama. Lead with authority, establish simple ground rules, and act as if the children will follow your directions.

I didn’t ‘snatch’ the remote, I removed it and turned the television off. I’m quitting because the mother did nothing after the child hit me, and made me take her to get ice cream afterwards. There is absolutely no excuse for a child to attempt/hit you. Especially if the parent doesn’t back you up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like The Bad Seed. Kid is either a budding sociopath or a spoiled brat. I would talk to parent and quit immediately. Being hit is a valid reason for quitting so collect unemployment until you find another job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with the 5-year-old. She is testing you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a child her age with a new nanny. She is trying to figure out how to push your buttons, and where her discipline boundaries are with you.

Since you are quitting, I’m not going to bother giving you advice on managing this child. However, you would be well served to read about positive discipline, especially how to calmly set boundaries with children, and how to encourage them to cooperate without threats.

I’m currently caring for a child who tries to hit me when frustrated. I capture their hands, say “I am not going to let you hurt me. If you are angry, use words to tell me how you feel. Right now, you are angry at me because I told you it is time to do X. You do not want to do X.”

Reflective listening, patience, and calm resolve go a long way with kids of all ages. They want to be heard. Once they know you have heard them, most kids will do as you have asked.

There is no need to snatch things away or engage in childish drama. Lead with authority, establish simple ground rules, and act as if the children will follow your directions.

I didn’t ‘snatch’ the remote, I removed it and turned the television off. I’m quitting because the mother did nothing after the child hit me, and made me take her to get ice cream afterwards. There is absolutely no excuse for a child to attempt/hit you. Especially if the parent doesn’t back you up.

Did you take it from her hand or from a surface near her? I assume she didn’t hand it to you. If you took it from her hand and didn’t pick it up, then she likely sees it as being snatched.

[Anonymous]

This thread is gross, OP. This is a child. You don't need to be an armchair expert and psycho-analyze her.

A PP offered excellent ideas for how to improve for your next job. Don't start a thread solely to trash talk a 5 year old. It makes you look incredibly immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. No requests. No please or thank you attached to the task.

“Larla, were going to clean out the car.”

2. Model manners as you state each individual step. Offer choices you can tolerate.

“Please turn off the tv, or hand me the remote. Do you want to race to the car or twirl like a ballerina?”

Note that the choices did not include leaving the tv on or not going to the car. The child in the OP is only 5. Give plenty of smaller choices, plenty of agency, and you’re more likely to get compliance.

3. Praise effort, following directions and using manners. Ignore refusals and rude/hurtful comments. Remind a child who whines or cries (to get out of a task, NOT a child who is overstimulated!) that you can’t understand them, but you’re happy to listen when they can speak clearly.

“Thank you for turning off the tv, kiddle. I think I’m going to get to the car first. What do you think? Can you get there first?”

4. Make routine as smooth as possible. As you pull onto their block, remind them to carry specific items into the house. Only have necessary items in the car, unless they’re stored in a bag. Make cleaning out the car easier by having each child check to see if anyone else forgot something. (At least once per week, “forget” something small, so they keep checking!

The most important thing is to understand that young children need clear, simple directions to break down large tasks. Clean your room and clean the car are too karate and vague. Turn undesirable tasks into a desirable when/then.

“Your room needs to be cleaned. There are several steps. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Put your clean clothes back in your drawers or hang them in the closet. Put all of your jewelry in the box on your dresser. Put all of your books back on the shelf, either standing up or stacked neatly. Make your bed and it your time upload back at the top/head of the bed. Your art supplies will be back in the box under your bed. Your hard toys will be back in the box and dolls and stuffed animals will be on your bed. Make sure that your floor is clear of all items that have another home. I will be right out in the hall if you need help coeAning was r remembering the steps.”

When your room is clean, then we can make cookies.

OP here, this is great advice. Thank you!!

Thanks fellow nanny and love this post and OP remember it took us a long time to learn these things. We didn't pick it up overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is gross, OP. This is a child. You don't need to be an armchair expert and psycho-analyze her.

A PP offered excellent ideas for how to improve for your next job. Don't start a thread solely to trash talk a 5 year old. It makes you look incredibly immature. [/
When did I trash talk her exactly? Can you point to a specific comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is gross, OP. This is a child. You don't need to be an armchair expert and psycho-analyze her.

A PP offered excellent ideas for how to improve for your next job. Don't start a thread solely to trash talk a 5 year old. It makes you look incredibly immature.

I don’t remember ever trash talking her. The only thing that could’ve been misconstrued was the title. And if so, rather than calling me immature, maybe ask about the punching situation (if you had actually read my post you would’ve picked up on it), and then you’d understand whhy I asked that question. Thanks for your incredibly rude input, but it was not needed. Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with the 5-year-old. She is testing you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a child her age with a new nanny. She is trying to figure out how to push your buttons, and where her discipline boundaries are with you.

Since you are quitting, I’m not going to bother giving you advice on managing this child. However, you would be well served to read about positive discipline, especially how to calmly set boundaries with children, and how to encourage them to cooperate without threats.

I’m currently caring for a child who tries to hit me when frustrated. I capture their hands, say “I am not going to let you hurt me. If you are angry, use words to tell me how you feel. Right now, you are angry at me because I told you it is time to do X. You do not want to do X.”

Reflective listening, patience, and calm resolve go a long way with kids of all ages. They want to be heard. Once they know you have heard them, most kids will do as you have asked.

There is no need to snatch things away or engage in childish drama. Lead with authority, establish simple ground rules, and act as if the children will follow your directions.

It was sitting on the bed next to her, she wasn’t holding it.
I didn’t ‘snatch’ the remote, I removed it and turned the television off. I’m quitting because the mother did nothing after the child hit me, and made me take her to get ice cream afterwards. There is absolutely no excuse for a child to attempt/hit you. Especially if the parent doesn’t back you up.

Did you take it from her hand or from a surface near her? I assume she didn’t hand it to you. If you took it from her hand and didn’t pick it up, then she likely sees it as being snatched.