Considering letting go of nanny versus tracking

[Anonymous]

I would terminate her. Not ok that she doesn't tell you where she is at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is all crazy and I would never let my nanny decide on her own what day to be where.

Our nanny decides where and what she and DS will be doing everyday. She keeps better track of story times, concerts, playgroups and classes than I do. But I always know where they are and can text her if I forget. She knows the times and days when the children’s library is less crowded and if they have any special programs.

+1. Same. I didn’t hire a former preschool teacher to dictate to her what she had to do with DD on any given day. I hired her for her skill set and let her use it.

And like PP, Our nanny always tells us where she is going to be and for how long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice.

I am in a nanny share for my 7mo old son with one other family (friends with one other boy). I have had a lot of trust issues since the beginning and have chalked a lot of these up to being a new mom. My husband and I both work full time, as do the other parents. She initially mentioned she would go back and forth between the 2 houses, would do light cleaning and occasional cooking. I have been thinking she was mostly at the other house, but now realize that she is not. Truth is, I’m ashamed to say, I have no idea where she is during the day. Twice a week she tells me she takes the boys to the library, but i have never seen a picture of them in the library. She will often report being at the park, but the time she leaves to when she returns is nearly 5 hours. My son doesn’t like to be in one place for that long so it seems unusual. I’ve asked her multiple times to let me know BEFORE she goes somewhere, the location that she’ll be at. She has started sending more pictures recently, but usually after the fact, or only at the beginning/end of the day or close ups of their faces.

My husband and both other parents love her. My husband says I’m crazy. My mom and his mom both validated my feelings recently and told me to fire her ASAP. I’ve interviewed daycares, and would like to move him there. My husband wants to give her another try.

Question 1. Would it be unreasonable to ask her to keep a GPS on my son so I know where he is, especially considering she can’t seem to tell me during the day? What about turning on “find my friend” on her phone while at work and turning it off when she’s home.

Question 2. What are the benefits of nanny over daycare? Right now all I can see is double the cost for double the headache/anxiety.

Question 2. We signed a contract agreeing to a year together. My nanny also requested to be paid under the table, which I think makes this contract somewhat void, especially if I’m considering my son’s safety. If we decide to move him to daycare, do I give her 2 weeks notice or just pay her 2 weeks severance and cut ties?

Thank you for any help!

Wow

we would never have treated workers like this.

The workers would be our neighbors, not some anonymous widget

[Anonymous]

I’m also suspicious she’s taking them her her own house. Low quality nannies do do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice.

I am in a nanny share for my 7mo old son with one other family (friends with one other boy). I have had a lot of trust issues since the beginning and have chalked a lot of these up to being a new mom. My husband and I both work full time, as do the other parents. She initially mentioned she would go back and forth between the 2 houses, would do light cleaning and occasional cooking. I have been thinking she was mostly at the other house, but now realize that she is not. Truth is, I’m ashamed to say, I have no idea where she is during the day. Twice a week she tells me she takes the boys to the library, but i have never seen a picture of them in the library. She will often report being at the park, but the time she leaves to when she returns is nearly 5 hours. My son doesn’t like to be in one place for that long so it seems unusual. I’ve asked her multiple times to let me know BEFORE she goes somewhere, the location that she’ll be at. She has started sending more pictures recently, but usually after the fact, or only at the beginning/end of the day or close ups of their faces.

My husband and both other parents love her. My husband says I’m crazy. My mom and his mom both validated my feelings recently and told me to fire her ASAP. I’ve interviewed daycares, and would like to move him there. My husband wants to give her another try.

Question 1. Would it be unreasonable to ask her to keep a GPS on my son so I know where he is, especially considering she can’t seem to tell me during the day? What about turning on “find my friend” on her phone while at work and turning it off when she’s home.

Question 2. What are the benefits of nanny over daycare? Right now all I can see is double the cost for double the headache/anxiety.

Question 2. We signed a contract agreeing to a year together. My nanny also requested to be paid under the table, which I think makes this contract somewhat void, especially if I’m considering my son’s safety. If we decide to move him to daycare, do I give her 2 weeks notice or just pay her 2 weeks severance and cut ties?

Thank you for any help!

Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice.

I am in a nanny share for my 7mo old son with one other family (friends with one other boy). I have had a lot of trust issues since the beginning and have chalked a lot of these up to being a new mom. My husband and I both work full time, as do the other parents. She initially mentioned she would go back and forth between the 2 houses, would do light cleaning and occasional cooking. I have been thinking she was mostly at the other house, but now realize that she is not. Truth is, I’m ashamed to say, I have no idea where she is during the day. Twice a week she tells me she takes the boys to the library, but i have never seen a picture of them in the library. She will often report being at the park, but the time she leaves to when she returns is nearly 5 hours. My son doesn’t like to be in one place for that long so it seems unusual. I’ve asked her multiple times to let me know BEFORE she goes somewhere, the location that she’ll be at. She has started sending more pictures recently, but usually after the fact, or only at the beginning/end of the day or close ups of their faces.

My husband and both other parents love her. My husband says I’m crazy. My mom and his mom both validated my feelings recently and told me to fire her ASAP. I’ve interviewed daycares, and would like to move him there. My husband wants to give her another try.

Question 1. Would it be unreasonable to ask her to keep a GPS on my son so I know where he is, especially considering she can’t seem to tell me during the day? What about turning on “find my friend” on her phone while at work and turning it off when she’s home.

Question 2. What are the benefits of nanny over daycare? Right now all I can see is double the cost for double the headache/anxiety.

Question 2. We signed a contract agreeing to a year together. My nanny also requested to be paid under the table, which I think makes this contract somewhat void, especially if I’m considering my son’s safety. If we decide to move him to daycare, do I give her 2 weeks notice or just pay her 2 weeks severance and cut ties?

Thank you for any help!

On the one hand, I would hate to have a tracker on me as a nanny.
On the other hand, especially when at a new job, I am very reliable when it comes to texting parents. Especially with a new family, I had zero issue sending multiple texts about when we left/arrived places. And I sent multiple photos daily.

It genuinely sounds like daycare would be a better fit for you. Or just...a better nanny. This one doesn't sound good, much less great.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP... does your contract say you will pay her under the table? Or do you just pay her under the table?

Also, does the contract say you’ll pay her for one year no matter what? What if she quits? What if you terminate her for cause? Severance if you terminate her without cause?

[Anonymous]

If this wasn’t her last day, you’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this wasn’t her last day, you’re nuts.

It’s a nanny share. OP can withdrawal from the share but not fire her.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you talked to your accountant and need a nanny who will work on the books. Maybe she will fire herself.

[Anonymous]

Don't go to work and follow her for the day - see where she is going and for how long. Then you can fire her

[Anonymous]

I used to be a Nanny, before we all had cellphones with cameras. You are micromanaging, If your son is happy to go to her in the morning and seems happy at the end of the day and she seems to care about him stop worrying about what they do all day.
I used to keep a calender by their phone and I would write in their if we had a playdate planned or an outing really so I knew what I was doing, but it was always open for them to see. Aside from this they never asked what I did during the day.

[Anonymous]

You may be over-reacting or micromanaging. The nanny may be fantastic.

Or she may be a slacker who is taking the kids to her house every day and watching tv.

I don't see where the input from the other parents is in your post - where do they think the kids are?

Not knowing where my child is, ESPECIALLY when I've asked for more information, is non-negotiable. Period.

I've had nannies for year and they take my kids all over the place. I always know the general plan for the day, and if something significant changes the nanny lets me know. I build trust with them over time but I never worry about every minute of the day. But it starts w/ trust and information - both of which you're lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about an exterior security cam at the front door so you know when nanny is at your house and coming and going? Would be good if the share parent can do that too but you can start with your home to begin with.

+1

Ask for a calendar to be prepared of when she will go the park and library, and for the addresses. I use google calendar, share it with my nf. They know that I may not be there Johnny on the spot, and I may leave earlier or later than the scheduled time, but it’s never off by more than 15 minutes for getting there, and I change both times on google calendar when I leave to reflect the actual time there.

I also take pictures and videos of my charges throughout the day. Everything is automatically uploaded to my Dropbox into a shared folder. If you know how to read the time/date codes, it’s easy to see when and where the pictures were taken.

She should absolutely be taking the gps along. That’s completely reasonable (Other parents put one in the car or diaper bag.), and any hesitation or argument is a red flag.

This all presupposes that you’re willing to keep her. If your contract is written well, you should have both termination for cause and termination without cause described. For cause means no severance or notice, but I doubt that you have anything you can pinpoint. No cause can be done (depending on your contract) to not give notice and pay out severance instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is all crazy and I would never let my nanny decide on her own what day to be where.

Our nanny decides where and what she and DS will be doing everyday. She keeps better track of story times, concerts, playgroups and classes than I do. But I always know where they are and can text her if I forget. She knows the times and days when the children’s library is less crowded and if they have any special programs.

+1

I know when free events are happening all over. But I have a google calendar with locations that my employers can check at all times.