How do you get your au pair to do just a little but more?

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I’m Canadian and when I moved to the US I thought it was so weird parents didn’t do the bedtime routine, if they were home. It took me awhile to adjust to this because (in my mind) this was not normal. Maybe the AP doesn’t understand that in the US parents need a lot more help with these kinds of things. I mean, I had to move to the US to be a professional nanny because that really donest exist in Canada. Yes we have a caregiver program and people have nannies but it’s not like here.

[Anonymous]

Op here thanks for the thoughts on the cultural norms. This might be the difference since this is my first au pair from Europe, so maybe I need to make things more explicit.

She does see that things are different (wow people in the US work a LOT)...yes, yes they do and that is why we need help at night, especially if we worked all day and the other parent is still at work.

[Anonymous]

Are you the same poster as the one who finds things missing at home (both say you’re 6-time HP, both say it’s never happened before).

[Anonymous]

No I am not. This is our 4th ap, 6th year in the program.

[Anonymous]

If she is working til 8pm, what time does she start? Noon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is working til 8pm, what time does she start? Noon?

Not the OP, but unclear how this has anything to do with OP’s situation. She could start as early as 10 or start after school. It’s immaterial.

[Anonymous]

She’s not doing her job. You have her scheduled to work until 8. It’s her job to be working until you dismiss her, regardless of what each person is doing. Start reminding her that she is “on” until 8, and review the evening timeline, including the specific tasks you want her to do.

And former French ap, you know what you know from your experience, but in our half-French family we fully expect our au pair to be involved in bedtime if that is what we schedule her for. Our au pairs routinely work until 8-8:30 with our family, usually supervising dinner, bathing and getting ready for bed with our 3 kids while I either clean up dinner or start making dinner for myself and my husband. Then I will usually go up to finish up bedtime, read to the kids, etc., at which point I dismiss au pair and thank her for the day. We’ve hosted 5 French au pairs and none of them has indicated that this is challenging for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not doing her job. You have her scheduled to work until 8. It’s her job to be working until you dismiss her, regardless of what each person is doing. Start reminding her that she is “on” until 8, and review the evening timeline, including the specific tasks you want her to do.

And former French ap, you know what you know from your experience, but in our half-French family we fully expect our au pair to be involved in bedtime if that is what we schedule her for. Our au pairs routinely work until 8-8:30 with our family, usually supervising dinner, bathing and getting ready for bed with our 3 kids while I either clean up dinner or start making dinner for myself and my husband. Then I will usually go up to finish up bedtime, read to the kids, etc., at which point I dismiss au pair and thank her for the day. We’ve hosted 5 French au pairs and none of them has indicated that this is challenging for them.

Former French AP here.
I get what you say and I did the bedtime routine when I was an Au Pair. The parents were home and I knew I was on until 9.30pm every night.
It was not natural to me but I did it anyway. I was just trying to help OP understand why her AP is not helping.
Which is not ok, we can all agree on that

[Anonymous]

Op again, appreciate all
Of this advice it is very helpful.

For the PP who asked about the hours- our kids are in early ES so she works 25-35 hours per week. So it is definitely within reason to ask to stay until 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again, appreciate all
Of this advice it is very helpful.

For the PP who asked about the hours- our kids are in early ES so she works 25-35 hours per week. So it is definitely within reason to ask to stay until 8.

You have a slacker and a dud. A 25-35hr a week schedule is what many APs want, but get 45 hours split shift with evening hours and a Saturday morning too (except for 1 weekend a month).

[Anonymous]

Are her hours clearly written down and displayed on a calendar???

[Anonymous]

How is it going now, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. I’m Canadian and when I moved to the US I thought it was so weird parents didn’t do the bedtime routine, if they were home. It took me awhile to adjust to this because (in my mind) this was not normal. Maybe the AP doesn’t understand that in the US parents need a lot more help with these kinds of things. I mean, I had to move to the US to be a professional nanny because that really donest exist in Canada. Yes we have a caregiver program and people have nannies but it’s not like here.

Just want to clarify this is NOT a US parent thing. It is the norm for US parents to do the bedtime routine for their kids. It is outside the norm for US parents to hire someone else to regularly put their kids to bed. Please don't think this is every US family. It is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. I’m Canadian and when I moved to the US I thought it was so weird parents didn’t do the bedtime routine, if they were home. It took me awhile to adjust to this because (in my mind) this was not normal. Maybe the AP doesn’t understand that in the US parents need a lot more help with these kinds of things. I mean, I had to move to the US to be a professional nanny because that really donest exist in Canada. Yes we have a caregiver program and people have nannies but it’s not like here.

Just want to clarify this is NOT a US parent thing. It is the norm for US parents to do the bedtime routine for their kids. It is outside the norm for US parents to hire someone else to regularly put their kids to bed. Please don't think this is every US family. It is not.

It's also not true that professional nannies don't exist in Canada, though perhaps not as prevalent as there may be greater access to affordable daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. I’m Canadian and when I moved to the US I thought it was so weird parents didn’t do the bedtime routine, if they were home. It took me awhile to adjust to this because (in my mind) this was not normal. Maybe the AP doesn’t understand that in the US parents need a lot more help with these kinds of things. I mean, I had to move to the US to be a professional nanny because that really donest exist in Canada. Yes we have a caregiver program and people have nannies but it’s not like here.

Just want to clarify this is NOT a US parent thing. It is the norm for US parents to do the bedtime routine for their kids. It is outside the norm for US parents to hire someone else to regularly put their kids to bed. Please don't think this is every US family. It is not.

I agree.