Au Pair Expects to Be Paid for Play date Meals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for suggestions. I paid the $60, and then had a pleasant conversation with her. I explained that I’m willing to pay for a child-centered activity that other au pairs attend (e.g., Gymboree during winter), but generally want her to take her to free events and be outside as much as possible. I also explained that she generally needs to pack a lunch for her and toddler if they are going to be out all day or come home for lunch, because this is what we do. I also asked her to drive and use ParkMobile which we pay, rather than metro unless metro is the only option and keep healthy snacks in the car. If she wants to do a special trip - she had mentioned the Aquarium in Baltimore, I need to know about it ahead of time.

Especially since the aquarium costs about $40. DC has SO MUCH to do that's free that there's no reason to spend a fortune on outings. But I get the sense so APs are taking advantage of the situation. One of my APs loved bowling and suddenly I was getting bills from the bowling alley. My first AP once asked if she could take DD to get her toenails painted. I said OK -- and then she handed me a $55 receipt. While my kid got her 5-minute treatment, she got a full-on mani-ped. Now I make sure they're at least doing things my kid enjoys.

A toddler doesn't need to to go to the aquarium for 440.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford $25-40 activities a day for her. Those trips are far more for her than your child. Give her a $25 allowance a week for activities and let her figure it out.

Allowance? APs are not our children. They're caregivers. And there's very little you need to pay for with a toddler. DC Museums are free. Playgrounds are free. Libraries are free. Zoo is free. Sure give money for the occasional hot chocolate/ice cream/lunch out. But $100/month to entertain a toddler in DC? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for suggestions. I paid the $60, and then had a pleasant conversation with her. I explained that I’m willing to pay for a child-centered activity that other au pairs attend (e.g., Gymboree during winter), but generally want her to take her to free events and be outside as much as possible. I also explained that she generally needs to pack a lunch for her and toddler if they are going to be out all day or come home for lunch, because this is what we do. I also asked her to drive and use ParkMobile which we pay, rather than metro unless metro is the only option and keep healthy snacks in the car. If she wants to do a special trip - she had mentioned the Aquarium in Baltimore, I need to know about it ahead of time.

Especially since the aquarium costs about $40. DC has SO MUCH to do that's free that there's no reason to spend a fortune on outings. But I get the sense so APs are taking advantage of the situation. One of my APs loved bowling and suddenly I was getting bills from the bowling alley. My first AP once asked if she could take DD to get her toenails painted. I said OK -- and then she handed me a $55 receipt. While my kid got her 5-minute treatment, she got a full-on mani-ped. Now I make sure they're at least doing things my kid enjoys.

Did you pay for the mani-pedi?

I did. What choice did I have after the fact? (Actually --now that I recall she didn't even give us the receipt. It popped up on our phone alert because she charged it. After that we made her submit receipts for all the charges and surprise, no more $50 mani-pedis).

[Anonymous]

We don’t personally use credit cards in our every day lives, and so we don’t give one to the au pair. We got our au pair a bank account at our bank and we Zelle her for anything she needs immediately when we get the receipt. We Zelle her stipend and cell phone as well. Are most families giving APs credit cards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t personally use credit cards in our every day lives, and so we don’t give one to the au pair. We got our au pair a bank account at our bank and we Zelle her for anything she needs immediately when we get the receipt. We Zelle her stipend and cell phone as well. Are most families giving APs credit cards?

NOPE. We use credit card for everything but I would never give a CC to AP. Maybe a one time thing for specific purchase? but I don't even see how this could happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for suggestions. I paid the $60, and then had a pleasant conversation with her. I explained that I’m willing to pay for a child-centered activity that other au pairs attend (e.g., Gymboree during winter), but generally want her to take her to free events and be outside as much as possible. I also explained that she generally needs to pack a lunch for her and toddler if they are going to be out all day or come home for lunch, because this is what we do. I also asked her to drive and use ParkMobile which we pay, rather than metro unless metro is the only option and keep healthy snacks in the car. If she wants to do a special trip - she had mentioned the Aquarium in Baltimore, I need to know about it ahead of time.

Especially since the aquarium costs about $40. DC has SO MUCH to do that's free that there's no reason to spend a fortune on outings. But I get the sense so APs are taking advantage of the situation. One of my APs loved bowling and suddenly I was getting bills from the bowling alley. My first AP once asked if she could take DD to get her toenails painted. I said OK -- and then she handed me a $55 receipt. While my kid got her 5-minute treatment, she got a full-on mani-ped. Now I make sure they're at least doing things my kid enjoys.

Did you pay for the mani-pedi?

I did. What choice did I have after the fact? (Actually --now that I recall she didn't even give us the receipt. It popped up on our phone alert because she charged it. After that we made her submit receipts for all the charges and surprise, no more $50 mani-pedis).

You pay for your child's, not hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford $25-40 activities a day for her. Those trips are far more for her than your child. Give her a $25 allowance a week for activities and let her figure it out.

Allowance? APs are not our children. They're caregivers. And there's very little you need to pay for with a toddler. DC Museums are free. Playgrounds are free. Libraries are free. Zoo is free. Sure give money for the occasional hot chocolate/ice cream/lunch out. But $100/month to entertain a toddler in DC? No.

She’s getting entertainment out of it too because she can’t figure out how to entertain the toddler on her own. How os are the other host kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford $25-40 activities a day for her. Those trips are far more for her than your child. Give her a $25 allowance a week for activities and let her figure it out.

Allowance? APs are not our children. They're caregivers. And there's very little you need to pay for with a toddler. DC Museums are free. Playgrounds are free. Libraries are free. Zoo is free. Sure give money for the occasional hot chocolate/ice cream/lunch out. But $100/month to entertain a toddler in DC? No.

She’s getting entertainment out of it too because she can’t figure out how to entertain the toddler on her own. How os are the other host kids?

Truthfully, I think the host parents are being used to fund activities the au pair wants to do, but doesn't want to pay for. The spy museum is not for toddlers. Our au pair wanted to go there, but not after she saw the cost. I think this group of au pairs is dragging kids around to activities they want to do (but not pay for) during work time. I would not allow this. The trouble you are going to have is that you have given her a lot of freedom to take a small child all over town without advance permission, without an expense account, and she will not like the breaks being put on her fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford $25-40 activities a day for her. Those trips are far more for her than your child. Give her a $25 allowance a week for activities and let her figure it out.

Allowance? APs are not our children. They're caregivers. And there's very little you need to pay for with a toddler. DC Museums are free. Playgrounds are free. Libraries are free. Zoo is free. Sure give money for the occasional hot chocolate/ice cream/lunch out. But $100/month to entertain a toddler in DC? No.

She’s getting entertainment out of it too because she can’t figure out how to entertain the toddler on her own. How os are the other host kids?

Truthfully, I think the host parents are being used to fund activities the au pair wants to do, but doesn't want to pay for. The spy museum is not for toddlers. Our au pair wanted to go there, but not after she saw the cost. I think this group of au pairs is dragging kids around to activities they want to do (but not pay for) during work time. I would not allow this. The trouble you are going to have is that you have given her a lot of freedom to take a small child all over town without advance permission, without an expense account, and she will not like the breaks being put on her fun.

+1. Toddlers don’t need a soy milk drum or aquarium. That should be an au pair crucify for her abs her friends to foot the bill. They think they are slick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her and tell her that you cannot afford $25-40 activities a day for her. Those trips are far more for her than your child. Give her a $25 allowance a week for activities and let her figure it out.

Allowance? APs are not our children. They're caregivers. And there's very little you need to pay for with a toddler. DC Museums are free. Playgrounds are free. Libraries are free. Zoo is free. Sure give money for the occasional hot chocolate/ice cream/lunch out. But $100/month to entertain a toddler in DC? No.

She’s getting entertainment out of it too because she can’t figure out how to entertain the toddler on her own. How os are the other host kids?

Truthfully, I think the host parents are being used to fund activities the au pair wants to do, but doesn't want to pay for. The spy museum is not for toddlers. Our au pair wanted to go there, but not after she saw the cost. I think this group of au pairs is dragging kids around to activities they want to do (but not pay for) during work time. I would not allow this. The trouble you are going to have is that you have given her a lot of freedom to take a small child all over town without advance permission, without an expense account, and she will not like the breaks being put on her fun.

+1. Toddlers don’t need a soy milk drum or aquarium. That should be an au pair crucify for her abs her friends to foot the bill. They think they are slick.

What was that supposed to mean?

OP, this probably should have been covered before she started.

X amount for entertainment, meals/snacks or whatever. That's it.

[Anonymous]

OP: in our handbook I did not discuss play dates or additional compensation for trips out - it was never an issue with previous AP and I am kind of wary of putting in handbook, because we really push free events at libraries, language meet-ups for kids, community centers, etc. (toddler has movement delays and being around other kids not strapped to a stroller is optimal). We also have a gym/pool membership that we added her to she can take toddler swimming. If we put it in the handbook, I feel like we encourage her to go out and spend money unnecessarily, that we probably wouldn’t spend as a family for a toddler, maybe a 4 year old, but not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: in our handbook I did not discuss play dates or additional compensation for trips out - it was never an issue with previous AP and I am kind of wary of putting in handbook, because we really push free events at libraries, language meet-ups for kids, community centers, etc. (toddler has movement delays and being around other kids not strapped to a stroller is optimal). We also have a gym/pool membership that we added her to she can take toddler swimming. If we put it in the handbook, I feel like we encourage her to go out and spend money unnecessarily, that we probably wouldn’t spend as a family for a toddler, maybe a 4 year old, but not a toddler.

How old is your child? 2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: in our handbook I did not discuss play dates or additional compensation for trips out - it was never an issue with previous AP and I am kind of wary of putting in handbook, because we really push free events at libraries, language meet-ups for kids, community centers, etc. (toddler has movement delays and being around other kids not strapped to a stroller is optimal). We also have a gym/pool membership that we added her to she can take toddler swimming. If we put it in the handbook, I feel like we encourage her to go out and spend money unnecessarily, that we probably wouldn’t spend as a family for a toddler, maybe a 4 year old, but not a toddler.

How old is your child? 2?

16 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: in our handbook I did not discuss play dates or additional compensation for trips out - it was never an issue with previous AP and I am kind of wary of putting in handbook, because we really push free events at libraries, language meet-ups for kids, community centers, etc. (toddler has movement delays and being around other kids not strapped to a stroller is optimal). We also have a gym/pool membership that we added her to she can take toddler swimming. If we put it in the handbook, I feel like we encourage her to go out and spend money unnecessarily, that we probably wouldn’t spend as a family for a toddler, maybe a 4 year old, but not a toddler.

Put your toddler in a class or two to give the AP some structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: in our handbook I did not discuss play dates or additional compensation for trips out - it was never an issue with previous AP and I am kind of wary of putting in handbook, because we really push free events at libraries, language meet-ups for kids, community centers, etc. (toddler has movement delays and being around other kids not strapped to a stroller is optimal). We also have a gym/pool membership that we added her to she can take toddler swimming. If we put it in the handbook, I feel like we encourage her to go out and spend money unnecessarily, that we probably wouldn’t spend as a family for a toddler, maybe a 4 year old, but not a toddler.

Give her a set amount weekly and that's it. Define what its for. No manicures, nothing for her personal gain but entry fees or a small snack for both of them. Manicures and adult activities should not be done on work time.