Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is living in your home. She should not be told she cannot be there all the time as that is now her home too. Not everyone is outgoing or social. To tell he rot get out of the house every day is obnoxious. Maybe she cannot afford to go out as she's sending her money back home or another reason. Don't host in your home if you don't actually want someone there.

You've clearly never had one of these bump on a log APs, or you are a bump on a log yourself. They are the worst. I will never again match with an introvert I'd rather one come home falling down drunk than a hermit.

This. It is ENTIRELY personality. AP is not only a worker or uncomfortable interacting with family members. She is invited to events as well as grocery store runs. She comes to the bare minimum for family related events (mostly school performances) and cluster meetings. She has dinner with us during the week most of the time when it's right after the end of her scheduled work hours. It also has nothing to do with money because there's plenty of free stuff to do in the area and gift certificates we've provided.

She literally was perfectly content NOT interacting with other people most of her free time. She seemed "normal" and functions perfectly fine in social situations.

It was a huge waste of the AP program except we're pretty sure she came for the visa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.

Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."

We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)

8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.

They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!

LCC look for flags of depression and this is one of them. So, yeah, encouraging them to get out, asking another AP to call and make plans (even if they're not close) ...

Yes, LCC told her she had to leave. It was still up to AP on whether it was just for a walk, going to the Starbucks or grocery store within a 1mi walk, or actually doing something like going into DC. Otherwise, she basically stayed in her room all weekend long and only came out to go to the bathroom or do some laundry. She didn't even spend time in the kitchen making meals or getting herself things to eat unless she was waiting until we were gone. So no, this was not healthy behavior. It took her 6 months until she found a friend from her home country and started going out more. If we had known that all she needed was someone from her country (which is not a big AP country) rather than trying to get her to do things with other APs in the cluster or other APs from her continental region, we would have searched until we found one to set her up with in her first month....

Sounds like our 1st AP. She waited for us to leave in the am before coming upstairs to eat breakfast and went to her room the very second she was off the clock. Made one friend the entire time she was with us. We muddled through the year but now we look for APs who are more extroverted.

If they are hiding in their room, maybe you have said or done something to make them uncomfortable. How sad for her she feels she can only eat or be in other areas of the house when you are gone.

And how sad for us. We tried EVERYTHING we could to connect with our AP but she just preferred solitude. As proof, she went to another family for her 2nd year and flamed out there after 5 months.

[Anonymous]

OP here....
This isn't really introversion. She is immature and has taken the "part of the family" thing WAY more seriously than any other AP. We are her social life. It's super weird. BUT she actually did go out last night with a "friend" (I think it was a date). Where/how she met him I have no idea. The thing is, she is a nice girl, really great with the kids, really helpful and competent. I LIKE her. But I wish she gave us more space.

We had a very introverted AP about 3 years ago and this is totally different. The introvert stayed in her room pretty much all of the time she wasn't working and only made a couple of friends and very rarely went out with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here....
This isn't really introversion. She is immature and has taken the "part of the family" thing WAY more seriously than any other AP. We are her social life. It's super weird. BUT she actually did go out last night with a "friend" (I think it was a date). Where/how she met him I have no idea. The thing is, she is a nice girl, really great with the kids, really helpful and competent. I LIKE her. But I wish she gave us more space.

We had a very introverted AP about 3 years ago and this is totally different. The introvert stayed in her room pretty much all of the time she wasn't working and only made a couple of friends and very rarely went out with them.

Be direct. Watching tv and she starts chatting? Sorry, Larla, I’m too tired to talk and just want to watch my show right now.

Conversation with DH that she butts in on? Sorry, Larla. DH and I are discussing something. We will ask you if it’s appropriate that your opinion be heard in this matter.

Gets too excited about coming on mundane errands? Larla, while you are welcome to come while I pick up dry cleaning, I’m concerned that you should be doing things with other young people than tagging along with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is living in your home. She should not be told she cannot be there all the time as that is now her home too. Not everyone is outgoing or social. To tell he rot get out of the house every day is obnoxious. Maybe she cannot afford to go out as she's sending her money back home or another reason. Don't host in your home if you don't actually want someone there.

You've clearly never had one of these bump on a log APs, or you are a bump on a log yourself. They are the worst. I will never again match with an introvert I'd rather one come home falling down drunk than a hermit.

This. It is ENTIRELY personality. AP is not only a worker or uncomfortable interacting with family members. She is invited to events as well as grocery store runs. She comes to the bare minimum for family related events (mostly school performances) and cluster meetings. She has dinner with us during the week most of the time when it's right after the end of her scheduled work hours. It also has nothing to do with money because there's plenty of free stuff to do in the area and gift certificates we've provided.

She literally was perfectly content NOT interacting with other people most of her free time. She seemed "normal" and functions perfectly fine in social situations.

It was a huge waste of the AP program except we're pretty sure she came for the visa.

If she's content being alone her room and doing a good job, then what is the issue? Some people are like that. Its ok.