Reasonable "part of the family" tasks

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing for me - I can't live in a household where it's "your cup" and "her spoon" and "his plate." Whoever is washing dishes should wash them all. Whoever is folding sheets should fold them all. 95% of the time, I fold the AP's sheets. But on the off-day when AP takes the sheets out, he folds them, including ours. 100% of the time when i come home from work, there are dishes from AP left/one of the children left in the sink from when AP was on. 100% of the time I wash those dishes. Maybe 30% of the time, DH or I leave a cup in the sink during hte day. 100% of the time, AP washes the cup. I am very clear that we live in an "all for one and one for all" household. We are not "each person for him/herself." I would call this out explicitly with AP and be very clear that you cannot stand coming home and seeing "your" mug there. It's not about the mug; it's about the point of AP leaving it there. It is ungracious, and it will make you feel stingy about giving to AP, and you don't want to feel this way.

I would spell that out very very clearly and listen to what AP says in reply. If AP is feeling that you're leaving too many cups/dishes for her to wash, hear this. It's all fine when it's an occasional item, but if AP feels you're leaving a pile of dishes every day, that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing for me - I can't live in a household where it's "your cup" and "her spoon" and "his plate." Whoever is washing dishes should wash them all. Whoever is folding sheets should fold them all. 95% of the time, I fold the AP's sheets. But on the off-day when AP takes the sheets out, he folds them, including ours. 100% of the time when i come home from work, there are dishes from AP left/one of the children left in the sink from when AP was on. 100% of the time I wash those dishes. Maybe 30% of the time, DH or I leave a cup in the sink during hte day. 100% of the time, AP washes the cup. I am very clear that we live in an "all for one and one for all" household. We are not "each person for him/herself." I would call this out explicitly with AP and be very clear that you cannot stand coming home and seeing "your" mug there. It's not about the mug; it's about the point of AP leaving it there. It is ungracious, and it will make you feel stingy about giving to AP, and you don't want to feel this way.

I would spell that out very very clearly and listen to what AP says in reply. If AP is feeling that you're leaving too many cups/dishes for her to wash, hear this. It's all fine when it's an occasional item, but if AP feels you're leaving a pile of dishes every day, that is a different story.

This. If you’re going to clean up every dish except for my mug, then you shouldn’t be eating “my” chocolate. AP is setting herself up to get some very unfriendly boundaries and a work-only relationship with this kind of attitude rather than “being a part of the family.” Family pitches in even when not asked for little things. Do I expect AP to clean the whole kitchen? Not unless she or the kids made the mess. But I do expect her to wash or put in the dishwasher the one mug if she’s doing 3 plates, cups, and forks already from breakfast because it’s ridiculous not to.

[Anonymous]

Where are you all getting these spoiled princesses? My Brazilian and French au pairs do too much -- I have to tell them to knock it off. They say it's just habit from home -- help around the house!

[Anonymous]

increase her hours, and make it a stated, written part of her duties.
you have to make expectation crystal clear