Reply to Reasonable "part of the family" tasks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's the thing for me - I can't live in a household where it's "your cup" and "her spoon" and "his plate."  Whoever is washing dishes should wash them all.  Whoever is folding sheets should fold them all.  95% of the time, I fold the AP's sheets.  But on the off-day when AP takes the sheets out, he folds them, including ours.  100% of the time when i come home from work, there are dishes from AP left/one of the children left in the sink from when AP was on.  100% of the time I wash those dishes.  Maybe 30% of the time, DH or I leave a cup in the sink during hte day.  100% of the time, AP washes the cup.  I am very clear that we live in an "all for one and one for all" household.  We are not "each person for him/herself."  I would call this out explicitly with AP and be very clear that you cannot stand coming home and seeing "your" mug there.  It's not about the mug; it's about the point of AP leaving it there.  [b]It is ungracious, and it will make you feel stingy about giving to AP, and you don't want to feel this way.  [/b]

I would spell that out very very clearly and listen to what AP says in reply.  If AP is feeling that you're leaving too many cups/dishes for her to wash, hear this.  It's all fine when it's an occasional item, but if AP feels you're leaving a pile of dishes every day, that is a different story.[/quote]

This. If you’re going to clean up every dish except for my mug, then you shouldn’t be eating “my” chocolate. AP is setting herself up to get some very unfriendly boundaries and a work-only relationship with this kind of attitude rather than “being a part of the family.” Family pitches in even when not asked for little things. Do I expect AP to clean the whole kitchen? Not unless she or the kids made the mess. But I do expect her to wash or put in the dishwasher the one mug if she’s doing 3 plates, cups, and forks already from breakfast because it’s ridiculous not to.[/quote]

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