How many families pay above the minimum?

[Anonymous]

Likely match/fit issues.

We interviewed a ridiculous number of APs this year and not one asked about higher stipend. We think the agency (not CC) is cautioning APs about being too demanding (whether car use or stipend).

And no, we don't pay above minimum. The stipend is based on a formula that accounts for room and board. The DC area is a high cost of living area where a 40% deduction for room and board are not unreasonable (plus other benefits such as car insurance, phone, education credit, etc.) What I don't get are the families rich enough that pay minimum wage AND dismiss all of these other expenses as not counting as real compensation. When I get a student loan repayment benefit from work, it's cited as compensation on my income taxes, but it's just the cost of business in having an AP because they still deserve full minimum wage?? Federal work-study requires minimum wage, but does not account for room/board. Why should APs get more than a domestic, legal citizen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay minimum. And your question is stupid.
But we also fly ap to Disney World for a week with a friend and they have their own room on property. That alone is $3500+. AP will work maybe 6-8 hours that week.

We will fly ap home once during their year home/or fly them anywhere in the USA. Value of 500-1000.

AP will live at beach house for most of summer, work 30 hours. Off by 4pm and at bars by 5pm all summer.
Try to put a value on that, basically every 20 somethings dream.

Not my dream if ive made friends where I live and now im living somewhere else for the summer. Who am I gonna hang with on my time off?

Right! And who wants to spend a week at Disney!?! But OP is “stupid” for asking a perfectly acceptable question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay minimum. And your question is stupid.
But we also fly ap to Disney World for a week with a friend and they have their own room on property. That alone is $3500+. AP will work maybe 6-8 hours that week.

We will fly ap home once during their year home/or fly them anywhere in the USA. Value of 500-1000.

AP will live at beach house for most of summer, work 30 hours. Off by 4pm and at bars by 5pm all summer.
Try to put a value on that, basically every 20 somethings dream.

Not my dream if ive made friends where I live and now im living somewhere else for the summer. Who am I gonna hang with on my time off?

Right! And who wants to spend a week at Disney!?! But OP is “stupid” for asking a perfectly acceptable question.

Every AP we've had has made a pilgrimmage to Disney despite us telling them that it is over-rated and we have no plans to take our children there.

[Anonymous]

We pay the stipend but our total package, which we don’t advertise all of, is great, plus we treat our au pairs as part of the family. Car, pay for gas, iPhone, cash gifts for bday and Xmas along with gifts to open. So far 2/3 have extended with us even though they work 45 hours. They realize being with a great host family is better than having less hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We give raises and bonuses throughout the year but we don't advertise that when matching. Many APs don't realize additional benefits that families may offer, but some are very savvy. There are networks of APs (Brazil has a big group, for example) that will compare benefits and experiences, and pass on info to prospective APs so they come into the interview hoping for more. My APs haven't really known any other APs prior to the program so they just expect what the agency promises them, then when we give raises and bonuses they are pretty appreciative.

I've interviewed Brazilians during matching, but get turned off when they start mentioning stuff from these comparisons. I refuse to match with someone with a blatant attitude of "what will you give me." There have been stories in our area about APs that coach the toddler to tell the parents that AP "needs" an Apple Watch for Christmas or the latest iPhone. Nope... next!

While going through a recent rematch, I joined a few closed Facebook groups, and it was an education to me about how there to appear to be certain networks that traffic in these kinds of comparisons. On one hand, I think it's good for an APs to think they know what they want. On the other, I still think it's true (as is often stated on this board), the best situations are ones that are welcoming, respectful, with good communication and mutual appreciation. Which are not things that can be measured in private suites, luxury vacations, and gym memberships, which is why I think comparing benefits is ultimately counter-productive.

[Anonymous]

We pay a little above stipend for a 2nd year. I felt like it was the right thing to do. We have never paid above stipend for a 1st year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We give raises and bonuses throughout the year but we don't advertise that when matching. Many APs don't realize additional benefits that families may offer, but some are very savvy. There are networks of APs (Brazil has a big group, for example) that will compare benefits and experiences, and pass on info to prospective APs so they come into the interview hoping for more. My APs haven't really known any other APs prior to the program so they just expect what the agency promises them, then when we give raises and bonuses they are pretty appreciative.

I've interviewed Brazilians during matching, but get turned off when they start mentioning stuff from these comparisons. I refuse to match with someone with a blatant attitude of "what will you give me." There have been stories in our area about APs that coach the toddler to tell the parents that AP "needs" an Apple Watch for Christmas or the latest iPhone. Nope... next!

While going through a recent rematch, I joined a few closed Facebook groups, and it was an education to me about how there to appear to be certain networks that traffic in these kinds of comparisons. On one hand, I think it's good for an APs to think they know what they want. On the other, I still think it's true (as is often stated on this board), the best situations are ones that are welcoming, respectful, with good communication and mutual appreciation. Which are not things that can be measured in private suites, luxury vacations, and gym memberships, which is why I think comparing benefits is ultimately counter-productive.

Here is the language we use in one of our early get-to-know you emails. Based on the response we get to this, we either decline the match and look elsewhere or feel comfortable moving ahead. There is no chance I am bringing someone into our household who is in this for what they can get.

I hope you googled [our town]. You'll see that it is listed as one of the most highly educated towns in the US. We think it is a great environment and a lovely place to live. As you will also see from reading, __ is a "fancy" and very expensive town of what can be really huge homes, but you should know that ours isn't one of them. We live in a fairly small home by American standards. We live near the college so are in the neighborhood where many of the professors live, and this is a much less fancy area. Our house is small, but we think it is pretty. We keep it neat and organized (I have been told I run "a German household" by some au pairs haha), but it is not big. The au pair's room is on the same floor as all the other bedrooms, and the bathroom is shared with __ (who is remarkably neat for a boy but still a boy). If a large house, fancy car, and nice vacations are important to you, then there are plenty of families in __ who offer that, but we aren't one of them. Our APs drive a __, and we do not take many vacations that don't entail visiting family. So this is also something to think about. The other au pairs in __ tend to live in bigger, fancier houses and drive bigger, fancier cars than our Aps do, and any AP who comes to us needs to understand this and be OK with it. Please think about this and let me know if you have any questions or concerns about this. We will totally understand if you're looking for something else for your year in the US.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to all the commenters, especially to PP who shared their email language. We, too, prioritize a positive, respectful relationship with our AP, who we view as a third adult in the house, and have heard plenty of horror stories. But I'm struggling with making a match this year and can't tell if it's me/them/some of each. I've wondered if everyone else is paying more, or the candidate pool is small, or if it's just that other stress and the duration of this match is grinding down my ability to project a warm, positive attitude. Thanks for your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to all the commenters, especially to PP who shared their email language. We, too, prioritize a positive, respectful relationship with our AP, who we view as a third adult in the house, and have heard plenty of horror stories. But I'm struggling with making a match this year and can't tell if it's me/them/some of each. I've wondered if everyone else is paying more, or the candidate pool is small, or if it's just that other stress and the duration of this match is grinding down my ability to project a warm, positive attitude. Thanks for your thoughts.

We pay WELL above the min and still struggle to match. It's just harder lately. Being an AP isn't as compelling as it used to be.

[Anonymous]

As a single-mom teacher i have never paid above the minimum nor offered any extras except for lots of freedom -- as in : "do whatever you want today with my kid while I am at work." Noooo problem with matching!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay minimum. And your question is stupid.
But we also fly ap to Disney World for a week with a friend and they have their own room on property. That alone is $3500+. AP will work maybe 6-8 hours that week.

We will fly ap home once during their year home/or fly them anywhere in the USA. Value of 500-1000.

AP will live at beach house for most of summer, work 30 hours. Off by 4pm and at bars by 5pm all summer.
Try to put a value on that, basically every 20 somethings dream.

How is she buying food at Disney for a week when she makes such low wages??

We pay for her food while traveling.
We have flown boyfriends in when ap did not have other ap friends who.could travel during the trip.

Yes, we paid for air fare, food, and park access (with hopper and photopass) for ap and guest.

[Anonymous]

We pay federal minimum.wage, but starting at the minimum.

We've found all out out APs via closed FB networks. Word gets around feom.former APs and who is offering what and how the family dynamic plays out. We can easily bypass the system and quite frankly bump other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We pay federal minimum.wage, but starting at the minimum.

We've found all out out APs via closed FB networks. Word gets around feom.former APs and who is offering what and how the family dynamic plays out. We can easily bypass the system and quite frankly bump other families.

The stipend takes into account federal minimum wage. That is how they come up with the amount. It is federal minimum wage ($7.25 per hr) x 45 hrs less 40% for room and board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay the stipend amount. 4 school age kids, 25-30 hrs/wk during school year, 45/week during summer. But, we’re also very respectful and kind to AP, cell phone paid for, Netflix available, car available for off duty use, we’re as flexible as possible with vacation requests and will often end up giving an extra week or two of vacation times depending on year.

Biggest factor is treating au pair decently. I could double the stipend and treat au pair like trash but I bet that would flip the happiness factor straight to misery. Well compensated misery I guess?

I absolutely agree with this. We will shortly start our 12th year of hosting. We do not pay more than the stipend. If a week is really taxing or required multiple changes, I will do a $20 gift card but not regularly enough that it's expected. We also do paid iphone, Netflix, car available, and extra vacation provided it works with my work/travel schedule. In addition, we make a point of telling our APs that we will treat them like adults - no curfew, their own car to use as they see fit, a credit card to use for household items/outings, and an open welcome for their friends to come over and stay over - as long as they act like adults. I have no interest in policing AP behavior, so an AP who didn't act like an adult would go to another family, not get extra rules in place. This hasn't happened in 11 years so I don't expect it to. We have no problem attracting highly sought APs, even with our small house and shared (with one child) bathroom, because we are clear that we are interested in AP as a person, supportive of their growth during their year with us, and proactive about engaging and welcoming them. 9 of our previous APs stay in touch, and 8 have come back to visit, several multiple times. I make sure I share the fact that we value our relationship with the AP in our introductory note, and we have no problem getting connections or matching when it's time. I agree that all the money in the world doesn't make a miserable relationship worth it. Several of our APs' friends have lived in enormous mansions with their own wing and a Range Rover to drive, but they were treated like help and not welcomed, and they looked wistfully at our APs who had their favorite soups made for them for lunch when I have time to cook, even with their small bedroom, standard stipend, and Toyota Carolla.

You assume that APs at least get one or the other. As we’ve seen from many HFS here, a number of APs are stuck with the worst of both worlds: few/no perks, cramped living quarters, no car on weekends *and* they are treated like the help,with maxed out hours, rigorous schedules, and curfews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay federal minimum.wage, but starting at the minimum.

We've found all out out APs via closed FB networks. Word gets around feom.former APs and who is offering what and how the family dynamic plays out. We can easily bypass the system and quite frankly bump other families.

The stipend takes into account federal minimum wage. That is how they come up with the amount. It is federal minimum wage ($7.25 per hr) x 45 hrs less 40% for room and board.

Yes, everyone knows that. What is your point?