Long-distance move with live-in nanny, any tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the nanny, I would probably insist on a promise of some re-relocation expenses if it doesn't work out in less than a year, too.

OP, why is she willing to move?

This is great insight. We'll cover that in the agreement. Totally.
She's willing to move, presumably, bc she likes the job and she likes us. She has said as much to our faces...unless she was just being nice. Guess we'll find out soon!

Whoa! Please don’t assume that if she isn’t willing to move to a new area then she lied about liking you as a family! My goodness, I hope that was a joke. I love my current nanny family but I have roots in this area and other irons in the fire, so to speak, it would be very hard to leave. I am a grown-up; I can’t just skip town because my friend is moving!

That said, I want to point out that there are benefits to having a new nanny in your new city.

First, moving with the nanny will absolutely change the dynamic of your relationship. It could be for the better, but it could go the other way too—imagine every time she is annoyed with you her thinking, “I can’t believe you would do XYZ after I moved for you!” Or “I can’t live like this for another two years!” Nannying is an emotionally fraught job, live-in nannying even more so. Moving to a new city together ratchets that up even further. Think hard about the emotional maturity of your nanny. Many live ins are young and relatively inexperienced, and you said you have a baby. If she has been working with you under a year, you are still in the honeymoon period in many ways.

On the flip side, before you know it your baby will be a toddler. Having a nanny who is familiar with your new city will mean that your child has access to playdates through nanny’s social network and your nanny can give guidance on outings, classes, preschools, etc. as those things become relevant.

It might be that your nanny is excited to move and all goes smoothly, but I wanted to offer some things to think about before you extend the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the nanny, I would probably insist on a promise of some re-relocation expenses if it doesn't work out in less than a year, too.

OP, why is she willing to move?

This is great insight. We'll cover that in the agreement. Totally.
She's willing to move, presumably, bc she likes the job and she likes us. She has said as much to our faces...unless she was just being nice. Guess we'll find out soon!

I asked because if she were someone without ties where you are now, retunring might not be a concern of hers, or maybe she's always wanted to move to the new area ... Anyway, her reasons for moving should also help guide how you address what will happen if she is unhappy or the working relationship falls apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the nanny, I would probably insist on a promise of some re-relocation expenses if it doesn't work out in less than a year, too.

OP, why is she willing to move?

This is great insight. We'll cover that in the agreement. Totally.
She's willing to move, presumably, bc she likes the job and she likes us. She has said as much to our faces...unless she was just being nice. Guess we'll find out soon!

Whoa! Please don’t assume that if she isn’t willing to move to a new area then she lied about liking you as a family! My goodness, I hope that was a joke. I love my current nanny family but I have roots in this area and other irons in the fire, so to speak, it would be very hard to leave. I am a grown-up; I can’t just skip town because my friend is moving!

That said, I want to point out that there are benefits to having a new nanny in your new city.

First, moving with the nanny will absolutely change the dynamic of your relationship. It could be for the better, but it could go the other way too—imagine every time she is annoyed with you her thinking, “I can’t believe you would do XYZ after I moved for you!” Or “I can’t live like this for another two years!” Nannying is an emotionally fraught job, live-in nannying even more so. Moving to a new city together ratchets that up even further. Think hard about the emotional maturity of your nanny. Many live ins are young and relatively inexperienced, and you said you have a baby. If she has been working with you under a year, you are still in the honeymoon period in many ways.

On the flip side, before you know it your baby will be a toddler. Having a nanny who is familiar with your new city will mean that your child has access to playdates through nanny’s social network and your nanny can give guidance on outings, classes, preschools, etc. as those things become relevant.

It might be that your nanny is excited to move and all goes smoothly, but I wanted to offer some things to think about before you extend the offer.

This is good advice. The last time we moved (we're military), I specifically wanted to find a nanny who had been living in that area for a long time. We didn't know many people, and other military people were also new to the area, and I was hoping our nanny would already know about the best playgrounds, activities, parks, swimming places, libraries, etc.. We ended up with someone who had grown up there, and I was really happy with how quickly and easily our kids were able to enjoy the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is live in, what are the relocation expenses? We dont know how far they are moving, At the most its a one way flight right?

Moving the vehicle, tag/license in the new state. Moving her things from one house to another. I’m a live-in nanny, and I don’t have a vehicle, but I do rent a cargo van for moving. Not only do I have clothes, I have books, a bike, tons of educational tools, numerous toys, etc. I don’t want my things mixed into the family’s chaos while moving, and they don’t want that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the nanny, I would probably insist on a promise of some re-relocation expenses if it doesn't work out in less than a year, too.

OP, why is she willing to move?

This is great insight. We'll cover that in the agreement. Totally.
She's willing to move, presumably, bc she likes the job and she likes us. She has said as much to our faces...unless she was just being nice. Guess we'll find out soon!

Whoa! Please don’t assume that if she isn’t willing to move to a new area then she lied about liking you as a family! My goodness, I hope that was a joke. I love my current nanny family but I have roots in this area and other irons in the fire, so to speak, it would be very hard to leave. I am a grown-up; I can’t just skip town because my friend is moving!

That said, I want to point out that there are benefits to having a new nanny in your new city.

First, moving with the nanny will absolutely change the dynamic of your relationship. It could be for the better, but it could go the other way too—imagine every time she is annoyed with you her thinking, “I can’t believe you would do XYZ after I moved for you!” Or “I can’t live like this for another two years!” Nannying is an emotionally fraught job, live-in nannying even more so. Moving to a new city together ratchets that up even further. Think hard about the emotional maturity of your nanny. Many live ins are young and relatively inexperienced, and you said you have a baby. If she has been working with you under a year, you are still in the honeymoon period in many ways.

On the flip side, before you know it your baby will be a toddler. Having a nanny who is familiar with your new city will mean that your child has access to playdates through nanny’s social network and your nanny can give guidance on outings, classes, preschools, etc. as those things become relevant.

It might be that your nanny is excited to move and all goes smoothly, but I wanted to offer some things to think about before you extend the offer.

This is good advice. The last time we moved (we're military), I specifically wanted to find a nanny who had been living in that area for a long time. We didn't know many people, and other military people were also new to the area, and I was hoping our nanny would already know about the best playgrounds, activities, parks, swimming places, libraries, etc.. We ended up with someone who had grown up there, and I was really happy with how quickly and easily our kids were able to enjoy the area.

I’m a live-in nanny, and I go anywhere in the US. Any decent nanny is going through do her homework online and hit the ground running. My last move was to NOVA. A few days before I arrived, I had already plugged kids’ schools, nature centers, museums, spraygrounds, and the closest parks into Waze. Over my first two days off, I found a kids’ science center I liked, nixed three close parks for two that were better and more shaded. By the end of the second week with the family, I knew who was who in the kids’ school social lives, had started making play dates with kids we met at the park, and I was jump starting my own social life in my time off.

The difference is that I’m in my 30s, and my career choice is being a live-in nanny. It’s not a stop-gap option until I’m on my feet. I’m not twiddling my thumbs until I graduate. I do this for the relationship with the whole family and because there are families who truly need a live-in nanny. So, I know exactly the information I need before I arrive, and I make sure to do my homework.

I appreciate the service and sacrifice from your family and other military families. My parents were out by the time I was six months, but I moved a ton while I was growing up (8 schools for pre-K through high school), and my experience as a child definitely shapes how I prepare now. I wish you the best, both now and with your ur next move, and while I understand why you may want someone local, I hope you also consider someone with the same type of moving experience your children are getting. Sometimes it’s more beneficial to the kids to have someone commiserate and offer suggestions based on personal experience.

[Anonymous]

We moved cross country with our nanny to a great part of the country. We asked her to commit for a year and she did. It made the transition for our young children very easy. She also traveled with us on vacations which was also great.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny moved with us across country. It was wonderful for our twins and nanny wanted the adventure. She is a live out nanny and we helped her find a new apartment and paid all packing and moving expenses. It’s been great for everyone, OP, and we’ve since had another baby.

It is expensive but worthwhile in terms of continuity and security for our kids.

[Anonymous]

I was a live in nanny when I moved from my home state on the West Coast to the East Coast with them. They relocated due to MB being offered a new position. Finding a new house that had similar live in accommodations (separate in law apartment) was a challenge, but they did find something that was perfect.

Kids were young (3.5, 18 months and 2 months), so it wasn't the easiest move. MB company paid for all relocation expenses, so that wasn't really an issue for us. I did sell my car and leave some other stuff with my family before moving. I hardly ever drove my car because my NF provided one, so it just made sense to sell rather than bring it.

MB and I left with the kids together to the new state. We stayed with some good friends of theirs during the transition. DB stayed behind and supervised the movers and packers.

During the transition time between leaving the old state and waiting on the movers and packers to arrive with our stuff I was always provided my own room and a rental car. When DB got there and could stay with MB at their friend's house, I was actually given the option of moving to a hotel so I could have more privacy and down time.

Getting settled in the new place was difficult since we moved during the winter, but we all learned about our new home together.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the recommendations
We are about to move too and this issue isn't still solved. But I'll definitely consider options you've mentioned here

[Anonymous]

We chose to change our nanny when we were moving. She wasn't ready to move and we weren't ready to provide her financial help with it. We managed to find a decent long-distance transportation company https://www.a1autotransport.com/long-distance-movers/ and we at the same time found a new nanny at the new region. Maybe it wasn't the best option, a hasty one. But ultimately all turned out to be good.

[Anonymous]

I agree it could be great for everyone but most importantly for your child. Having her same trusted and loved nanny to explore new parks, classes, play groups is fantastic.

I hope it works out for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Moving houses in a new neighborhood (same city) was traumatic for my then 2.5 year old - I cannot imagine how much worse it would have been if she lost her nanny and had a new nanny thrown at her. If your nanny is willing to move with you - make it happen! Where is the downside?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above poster. If you move your nanny with you and she doesn’t like the new city, she moves back. In the meanwhile your child has a nanny he/she loves who helps her (and all of you) through the move. Where is the downside?

[Anonymous]

I am a MB who has a live in nanny who moved with us.
She has been a live in with me for three years-before we moved to another states. She has been with us in a new place over two years now so total of five years with us. We paid for all relocation expense. No binding of how long she’s had to stay with us.

However, our situation is quite unique than most people. She has a green card and from my home country . It helps a lot as a live in that we eat similar kind of food , speak same mother tongue, and we are like her family away from home.( I met her family in our home country or USA multiple times now for various interactions)