Advice needed, major job change will require help with kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m curios why did you make the job change? Doesn’t make sense to me that you would take a job with travel knowing that your partner might travel too.

Fantastic opportunity = a lot of fun travel for the OP that she would never be able to do otherwise.

I'm sure it's also either serious journalism or NGO work or something, but everything about her story screams that she wants what her "life partner" has. More freedom to pursue her dreams.

I'm not sure that's wrong, but only time will tell if it's right, either. That will depend on her choosing well when it comes to childcare coverage. If it's "whoever is available tonight," that has the potential to make DD really stressed out and feeling like she's just a chore to be dealt with. If it's a really great person, and family who will keep the DD's schedule as normal as possible, then it will be fine. That tends to be expensive, though, if there's not another parent or grandparent who can be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m curios why did you make the job change? Doesn’t make sense to me that you would take a job with travel knowing that your partner might travel too.

Fantastic opportunity = a lot of fun travel for the OP that she would never be able to do otherwise.

I'm sure it's also either serious journalism or NGO work or something, but everything about her story screams that she wants what her "life partner" has. More freedom to pursue her dreams.

I'm not sure that's wrong, but only time will tell if it's right, either. That will depend on her choosing well when it comes to childcare coverage. If it's "whoever is available tonight," that has the potential to make DD really stressed out and feeling like she's just a chore to be dealt with. If it's a really great person, and family who will keep the DD's schedule as normal as possible, then it will be fine. That tends to be expensive, though, if there's not another parent or grandparent who can be there.

I’m PP. Working for a family where 1 parent travels is hard; let alone both parents or in this case her partner. I understand that the travel might be really good, but I wouldn’t have taken the job. My current DB travels a lot, but MB doesn’t and even then it’s hard for MB because she works a lot as well. Hopefully OP finds a good person willing to be highly flexible and she needs to pay them well.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My travel won’t be anything like what my partner has. It is the late nights that will be more of a challenge. And yes, old job paid better and was stable, but I have been bored out of my mind for years and professionally stuck. This new job is a chance of a lifetime and will open a lot of doors if I can stick it out a couple years. Professionally, it is a tremendous opportunity and if I am good at it, I can do some good in the world.

[Anonymous]

Me me me me me. Lady you gave up the right to be this selfish when you became a parent. Think about your young child, not yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP — good for you! Take that opportunity to further your career, so that eventually you have $ for your child and a happy mother! PP, she is thinking what’s best for her child, that’s why she is here thinking through options.

OP - Au pairs are limited to 10 hr/day max, but we were able to schedule Au Pair plus grandma to cover like 3-4 occasional overnights that we needed. Looking into a student-turned “live-in childcare” is also an option, but I’d be a bit more concerned with social aspect. The other option is to see if a part time live-in nanny is an option — a nanny that works for another family, but will live with you. Or, maybe just hire a part time babysitter, who has flexibility to come and do overnights as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My travel won’t be anything like what my partner has. It is the late nights that will be more of a challenge. And yes, old job paid better and was stable, but I have been bored out of my mind for years and professionally stuck. This new job is a chance of a lifetime and will open a lot of doors if I can stick it out a couple years. Professionally, it is a tremendous opportunity and if I am good at it, I can do some good in the world.

You haven't even mentioned how this new job and your absence will affect your child. Maybe you should just put her up for adoption so you can devote all of your time to just you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP — good for you! Take that opportunity to further your career, so that eventually you have $ for your child and a happy mother! PP, she is thinking what’s best for her child, that’s why she is here thinking through options.

OP - Au pairs are limited to 10 hr/day max, but we were able to schedule Au Pair plus grandma to cover like 3-4 occasional overnights that we needed. Looking into a student-turned “live-in childcare” is also an option, but I’d be a bit more concerned with social aspect. The other option is to see if a part time live-in nanny is an option — a nanny that works for another family, but will live with you. Or, maybe just hire a part time babysitter, who has flexibility to come and do overnights as needed.

She said her old job was boring and the new one "has the potential" to open a lot of doors. So, might and might not. She is also partnered to a man who is not around much, bio-dad is not in the picture, and grandparents are not available. In this case, mom has been the only constant in this kid's life, and now mom needs to spread her wings NOW.

Sure, a happy mom with lots of money is a great thing. If her tween daughter still gives a sh** about her absentee mom two years from now, that would be great, too.

This works if a family has a lot of money to do the best thing -- one stable nanny, plenty of visits with mom, who isn't at all stressed out by money or domestic needs, maybe a great boarding school. But OP's description sounded like she's envisioning some kind of patchwork of care to cover her daughter's physical needs.

I am also judging this woman. It sucks for her that she doesn't truly have a parenting partner with whom she could make decisions about who stays and who goes, but she doesn't. Instead, her choice is apparently between lamenting her boring life and being a depressed drag around her daughter, or loving her life and barely seeing her daughter (who also barely sees the rest of her family).

[Anonymous]

As a nanny I have constantly seen parents choose their career over their kids because of the money, opportunities etc. It honestly makes me upset, but at the end of the day every parent has a right to do what they think is best, even if Others don’t. Op if I were you I wouldn’t take the job. Your partner is willing to help out, but he’s away a lot also. Just keep your boring job and spend time with your kid. In 20 years will you regret not taking the job or missing out on your kids childhood? That’s the way I see it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m curios why did you make the job change? Doesn’t make sense to me that you would take a job with travel knowing that your partner might travel too.

Fantastic opportunity = a lot of fun travel for the OP that she would never be able to do otherwise.

I'm sure it's also either serious journalism or NGO work or something, but everything about her story screams that she wants what her "life partner" has. More freedom to pursue her dreams.

I'm not sure that's wrong, but only time will tell if it's right, either. That will depend on her choosing well when it comes to childcare coverage. If it's "whoever is available tonight," that has the potential to make DD really stressed out and feeling like she's just a chore to be dealt with. If it's a really great person, and family who will keep the DD's schedule as normal as possible, then it will be fine. That tends to be expensive, though, if there's not another parent or grandparent who can be there.

I’m PP. Working for a family where 1 parent travels is hard; let alone both parents or in this case her partner. I understand that the travel might be really good, but I wouldn’t have taken the job. My current DB travels a lot, but MB doesn’t and even then it’s hard for MB because she works a lot as well. Hopefully OP finds a good person willing to be highly flexible and she needs to pay them well.

PP when recommended a student here. I’ve taken a few positions with single parent who travels and it’s nbd if the parent and kids communicate with each other and nanny. However, I only do it if I’m a live-in and paid for all hours on call or I’m paid salary for 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP — good for you! Take that opportunity to further your career, so that eventually you have $ for your child and a happy mother! PP, she is thinking what’s best for her child, that’s why she is here thinking through options.

OP - Au pairs are limited to 10 hr/day max, but we were able to schedule Au Pair plus grandma to cover like 3-4 occasional overnights that we needed. Looking into a student-turned “live-in childcare” is also an option, but I’d be a bit more concerned with social aspect. The other option is to see if a part time live-in nanny is an option — a nanny that works for another family, but will live with you. Or, maybe just hire a part time babysitter, who has flexibility to come and do overnights as needed.

She said her old job was boring and the new one "has the potential" to open a lot of doors. So, might and might not. She is also partnered to a man who is not around much, bio-dad is not in the picture, and grandparents are not available. In this case, mom has been the only constant in this kid's life, and now mom needs to spread her wings NOW.

Sure, a happy mom with lots of money is a great thing. If her tween daughter still gives a sh** about her absentee mom two years from now, that would be great, too.

This works if a family has a lot of money to do the best thing -- one stable nanny, plenty of visits with mom, who isn't at all stressed out by money or domestic needs, maybe a great boarding school. But OP's description sounded like she's envisioning some kind of patchwork of care to cover her daughter's physical needs.

I am also judging this woman. It sucks for her that she doesn't truly have a parenting partner with whom she could make decisions about who stays and who goes, but she doesn't. Instead, her choice is apparently between lamenting her boring life and being a depressed drag around her daughter, or loving her life and barely seeing her daughter (who also barely sees the rest of her family).

+1 for boarding school, but only if it’s her daughter’s choice! I loved it (my choice), but there were plenty of kids who hated it (parent choice), and that was high school. This child is only 4th grade; most kids who eventually go to boarding school don’t start thinking about it until middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP — good for you! Take that opportunity to further your career, so that eventually you have $ for your child and a happy mother! PP, she is thinking what’s best for her child, that’s why she is here thinking through options.

OP - Au pairs are limited to 10 hr/day max, but we were able to schedule Au Pair plus grandma to cover like 3-4 occasional overnights that we needed. Looking into a student-turned “live-in childcare” is also an option, but I’d be a bit more concerned with social aspect. The other option is to see if a part time live-in nanny is an option — a nanny that works for another family, but will live with you. Or, maybe just hire a part time babysitter, who has flexibility to come and do overnights as needed.

She said her old job was boring and the new one "has the potential" to open a lot of doors. So, might and might not. She is also partnered to a man who is not around much, bio-dad is not in the picture, and grandparents are not available. In this case, mom has been the only constant in this kid's life, and now mom needs to spread her wings NOW.

Sure, a happy mom with lots of money is a great thing. If her tween daughter still gives a sh** about her absentee mom two years from now, that would be great, too.

This works if a family has a lot of money to do the best thing -- one stable nanny, plenty of visits with mom, who isn't at all stressed out by money or domestic needs, maybe a great boarding school. But OP's description sounded like she's envisioning some kind of patchwork of care to cover her daughter's physical needs.

I am also judging this woman. It sucks for her that she doesn't truly have a parenting partner with whom she could make decisions about who stays and who goes, but she doesn't. Instead, her choice is apparently between lamenting her boring life and being a depressed drag around her daughter, or loving her life and barely seeing her daughter (who also barely sees the rest of her family).

+1 for boarding school, but only if it’s her daughter’s choice! I loved it (my choice), but there were plenty of kids who hated it (parent choice), and that was high school. This child is only 4th grade; most kids who eventually go to boarding school don’t start thinking about it until middle school.

I'm pretty sure Hogwarts starts at 4th or 5th grade. Maybe mom'll get lucky and an owl is on the way ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP — good for you! Take that opportunity to further your career, so that eventually you have $ for your child and a happy mother! PP, she is thinking what’s best for her child, that’s why she is here thinking through options.

OP - Au pairs are limited to 10 hr/day max, but we were able to schedule Au Pair plus grandma to cover like 3-4 occasional overnights that we needed. Looking into a student-turned “live-in childcare” is also an option, but I’d be a bit more concerned with social aspect. The other option is to see if a part time live-in nanny is an option — a nanny that works for another family, but will live with you. Or, maybe just hire a part time babysitter, who has flexibility to come and do overnights as needed.

She said her old job was boring and the new one "has the potential" to open a lot of doors. So, might and might not. She is also partnered to a man who is not around much, bio-dad is not in the picture, and grandparents are not available. In this case, mom has been the only constant in this kid's life, and now mom needs to spread her wings NOW.

Sure, a happy mom with lots of money is a great thing. If her tween daughter still gives a sh** about her absentee mom two years from now, that would be great, too.

This works if a family has a lot of money to do the best thing -- one stable nanny, plenty of visits with mom, who isn't at all stressed out by money or domestic needs, maybe a great boarding school. But OP's description sounded like she's envisioning some kind of patchwork of care to cover her daughter's physical needs.

I am also judging this woman. It sucks for her that she doesn't truly have a parenting partner with whom she could make decisions about who stays and who goes, but she doesn't. Instead, her choice is apparently between lamenting her boring life and being a depressed drag around her daughter, or loving her life and barely seeing her daughter (who also barely sees the rest of her family).

+1 for boarding school, but only if it’s her daughter’s choice! I loved it (my choice), but there were plenty of kids who hated it (parent choice), and that was high school. This child is only 4th grade; most kids who eventually go to boarding school don’t start thinking about it until middle school.

I'm pretty sure Hogwarts starts at 4th or 5th grade. Maybe mom'll get lucky and an owl is on the way ...

Um, no, Hogwarts is the typical British system, basically our 6th grade and up, hence the OWLS (GCSE, year 11) and NEWTS (A Levels, year 13). You're off by a few years, and those years are huge. Britain has a much larger percentage of kids attending boarding school than the US, but most of those kids don't start until 11 either.