Does the nanny forum make anyone else think twice about hiring a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, a little more about me. My child is 2.5. I was SAH with him FT. At 18 months, I started him in a 3 hour program every day. He thrived, and I immediately noticed how his social skills improved. At 24 months, I went back to work full time. I have accepted a new job that will start in January. The hours are longer, and I'd like to hire someone who will pick up DS from daycare around 3 so that he is not "institutionslized" for too long during the day. I'd also like that person to take care of things around the house, like DS's laundry and meal prep, so that he can eat higher quality/better/more variety than what I can come up with. I'm agnostic as to whether that person has degrees in early childhood education. I just want someone who is caring, attentive, and HELPFUL. My new job pays really well, and we can afford to pay someone well, but the overall tone of people here is...ugly.

With all due respect, your initial post was accusatory and quite ugly.

That's my experience. Please share your experience.

NP here and I agree - your post was cherry picking the negative - and I don't know why. What about the thread where the MB talks about her former nNny still visiting her son and babysitting for free? Or the MB who has nothing but gratitude for her child's nanny? Or the nannies who wrote about leaving their charges being the hardest and most heartbreaking part of their job? Or the countless selfless posts by loving nannies being taken advantage of by their employers with no set hours, constantly late arrivals or poor working conditions?

My experience is with a truly amazing woman whom I adore and am so proud to have as my daughter's nanny. She is loves my child and is always putting my daughter first - doing things that are tiring ( like narration when she was a baby and teaching her sign language), singing and dancing with her, reading to her for over an hour every day since the day she was born, teaching her manners and taking her to classes even though nanny hates driving. I watch nanny sometimes on our cameras and she is always engaged or watching DD. When I take my DD to the park or a class, I am constantly told by strangers as well as teachers how amazing our nanny is.

Nanny takes care of DD's laundry, grocery shopping, ordering supplies and dealing with class schedules, play dates and class fees. She does not - nor would I ever ask her to do - general housework. When DD naps, nanny makes her meals and does her laundry - and then nanny takes a well deserved rest.

Our nanny has never once - not in three years - been late or called in sick except for once when DD gave her a stomach bug.

That is my experience with the woman I entrust my child's life and welfare to.


OP - keep your child in daycare. He is happy, you will save money and you just sound like a daycare- parent.

[Anonymous]

Yep. We have an Au Pair, but it's not perfect, so every year I debate whether to switch to a nanny. This forum makes me think nope- I'd have the same problems/issues, but be paying alot more, so I wouldn't be as forgiving about the mistakes or laziness (yes- I expect someone I'm paying to pick up around the house and not just "watch" my kids all the time. Kids don't need constant adult interaction. In fact, I think it's unnatural)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

I am glad it worked out for you, OP. Not everyone is cut out to be an employer.

I know, for me, I wanted my baby to have one loving teacher/caregiver with her during the day and not be institutionalized. Her comfort, security and education was far more important to me that wanting my "life easier at home". Turns out our amazing nanny did make my life easier but that was never my intent in choosing a nanny for my child.

If you really wanted the best possible caregiver, you would have stayed home, so please stop with the "I didn't want my child to be institutionalized" crap.

Calm down, PP, and stop embarrassing yourself. I am not the best teacher for my child - my nanny has her degree in Early Childhood Education while my undergraduate degree is in microbiology. I do not think I would make a good elementary school teacher anymore than I think I am the best teacher for my now two-year old.

No degree of any kind is necessary to rear a child! What is necessary is unconditional love, infinite patience, imagination, a sense of humor and sense of the absurd, common sense. So sad that you have none of these attributes. I pity your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

I am glad it worked out for you, OP. Not everyone is cut out to be an employer.

I know, for me, I wanted my baby to have one loving teacher/caregiver with her during the day and not be institutionalized. Her comfort, security and education was far more important to me that wanting my "life easier at home". Turns out our amazing nanny did make my life easier but that was never my intent in choosing a nanny for my child.

If you really wanted the best possible caregiver, you would have stayed home, so please stop with the "I didn't want my child to be institutionalized" crap.

Calm down, PP, and stop embarrassing yourself. I am not the best teacher for my child - my nanny has her degree in Early Childhood Education while my undergraduate degree is in microbiology. I do not think I would make a good elementary school teacher anymore than I think I am the best teacher for my now two-year old.

No degree of any kind is necessary to rear a child! What is necessary is unconditional love, infinite patience, imagination, a sense of humor and sense of the absurd, common sense. So sad that you have none of these attributes. I pity your children.

You need a degree to teach kindergarten but you don't think it is necessary to have a degree 0 to 5 when 70% of the brain synapses and brain development are taking place?

To each her own - my child's nanny has a degree as well and is also loving with infinite patience and imagination. And a college degree.

NP btw.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm an MB who has been on this forum for about 4 years, but I've employed a nanny for 6+ years now.

I agree with you - this forum can be terrifying, and illuminating and worrying... And the venom and nastiness can definitely be from both sides.

I will say this, when I had to replace our nanny I posted the job here. I got many applications through posting here, but none that were comparable to the nannies referred to me by other families, or through my own job posting on Care.com. By far the best leads come from other mothers - so advertise on your neighborhood listserv, talk to other mothers, ask friends to post it on neighboring listservs, etc...

All of DCUM falls prey to the perils of anonymity. But I have often found some good advice from people here, and I hope I've offered some of my own along the way.

You can use this board to serve as a guide to the kinds of things that are upsetting (often very justifiably) to nannies, and try to be an employer who doesn't make those mistakes. And if you dig there are threads w/ useful information about contracts, leave policies, etc...

And I'm sure there are troll responses on your thread. Put your thickest skin on and take the advice that is helpful and don't rise to the bait of the others.

A great nanny can make your life soooo much simpler - for many of the reasons you articulate. Nothing is perfect, and it's a relationship that is fraught with emotion and importance, and it takes serious effort to do it well. But our nannies have been a godsend to us - and to our children. I hope you find someone great. They are definitely out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

I am glad it worked out for you, OP. Not everyone is cut out to be an employer.

I know, for me, I wanted my baby to have one loving teacher/caregiver with her during the day and not be institutionalized. Her comfort, security and education was far more important to me that wanting my "life easier at home". Turns out our amazing nanny did make my life easier but that was never my intent in choosing a nanny for my child.

If you really wanted the best possible caregiver, you would have stayed home, so please stop with the "I didn't want my child to be institutionalized" crap.

Calm down, PP, and stop embarrassing yourself. I am not the best teacher for my child - my nanny has her degree in Early Childhood Education while my undergraduate degree is in microbiology. I do not think I would make a good elementary school teacher anymore than I think I am the best teacher for my now two-year old.

No degree of any kind is necessary to rear a child! What is necessary is unconditional love, infinite patience, imagination, a sense of humor and sense of the absurd, common sense. So sad that you have none of these attributes. I pity your children.

You need a degree to teach kindergarten but you don't think it is necessary to have a degree 0 to 5 when 70% of the brain synapses and brain development are taking place?

To each her own - my child's nanny has a degree as well and is also loving with infinite patience and imagination. And a college degree.

NP btw.

Children 0-5 have been raised by their mothers for a very long time with no degrees!

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to look at it this way:
Go over to the relationship forum on the main site. Read those. Look at how many people are cheating/want to cheat/miserable in their marriage. Does that reflect every relationship out there? Of course not.

People are on here anonymously. They complain. They vent. Some outright lie and troll to stir up drama.

Don't base your opinion based on this one forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

I am glad it worked out for you, OP. Not everyone is cut out to be an employer.

I know, for me, I wanted my baby to have one loving teacher/caregiver with her during the day and not be institutionalized. Her comfort, security and education was far more important to me that wanting my "life easier at home". Turns out our amazing nanny did make my life easier but that was never my intent in choosing a nanny for my child.

If you really wanted the best possible caregiver, you would have stayed home, so please stop with the "I didn't want my child to be institutionalized" crap.

Calm down, PP, and stop embarrassing yourself. I am not the best teacher for my child - my nanny has her degree in Early Childhood Education while my undergraduate degree is in microbiology. I do not think I would make a good elementary school teacher anymore than I think I am the best teacher for my now two-year old.

No degree of any kind is necessary to rear a child! What is necessary is unconditional love, infinite patience, imagination, a sense of humor and sense of the absurd, common sense. So sad that you have none of these attributes. I pity your children.

You need a degree to teach kindergarten but you don't think it is necessary to have a degree 0 to 5 when 70% of the brain synapses and brain development are taking place?

To each her own - my child's nanny has a degree as well and is also loving with infinite patience and imagination. And a college degree.

NP btw.

Children 0-5 have been raised by their mothers for a very long time with no degrees!

And that is supposed to be a recommendation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

I am glad it worked out for you, OP. Not everyone is cut out to be an employer.

I know, for me, I wanted my baby to have one loving teacher/caregiver with her during the day and not be institutionalized. Her comfort, security and education was far more important to me that wanting my "life easier at home". Turns out our amazing nanny did make my life easier but that was never my intent in choosing a nanny for my child.

If you really wanted the best possible caregiver, you would have stayed home, so please stop with the "I didn't want my child to be institutionalized" crap.

Calm down, PP, and stop embarrassing yourself. I am not the best teacher for my child - my nanny has her degree in Early Childhood Education while my undergraduate degree is in microbiology. I do not think I would make a good elementary school teacher anymore than I think I am the best teacher for my now two-year old.

No degree of any kind is necessary to rear a child! What is necessary is unconditional love, infinite patience, imagination, a sense of humor and sense of the absurd, common sense. So sad that you have none of these attributes. I pity your children.

You need a degree to teach kindergarten but you don't think it is necessary to have a degree 0 to 5 when 70% of the brain synapses and brain development are taking place?

To each her own - my child's nanny has a degree as well and is also loving with infinite patience and imagination. And a college degree.

NP btw.

Children 0-5 have been raised by their mothers for a very long time with no degrees!

And that is supposed to be a recommendation?

Kindergarten teachers need degrees because they are teaching a room full of kids, not just one or two. I'm an MB and definitely give bonus points to candidates with an ECE degree. Having said that, I've met both amazing nannies and really mediocre caregivers who have t.

[Anonymous]

No, of course this forum did not make me think twice about hiring a nanny! Our nanny has been a true gift to all of our lives and I cherish her. This forum is not real life and is filled with trolls who are neither nannies nor employers of nannies.

But not everyone is cut out to be an employer, OP. If you are happy with daycare, then leave your child in for the full day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

Actually, in many ways, this forum has made me have more empathy for nannies than I previously had so I guess we find what we are seeking.

Yes, being a nanny is a paid profession. Yes, nannies generally have a great deal of experience with children and will have their own thoughts. Yes, a nanny is a human being who can be critical or not. Everywhere you go, OP, you get judged - even agreement is a judgement. A nanny is a breathing, thinking human who (hopefully) will love your child and have a relationship with him/her and that is more complicated than a daycare worker's relationship with and feelings for your child.


There is no shame in admitting that you are more suited to daycare.

[Anonymous]

OP, My opinion is that maybe 25% of this forum is serious, helpful advice or interesting stories about the nanny-family relationship. The other 75% i read for laughs (of either ridiculous nannies or ridiculous MBs) if you don't take things here too seriously it's an entertaining forum.

I do find it odd how a lot of parents here insist that having an ECE-degreed nanny is a must. there are some marginal diminishing returns if you can afford it to be sure, but as someone who was raised by a "village" of extended relatives (many of whom didn't go to college) in another country, I honestly have to say many of the things that make a person a good role model and caretaker for a very young child have less to do with formal education than with attitude and personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

Actually, in many ways, this forum has made me have more empathy for nannies than I previously had so I guess we find what we are seeking.

Yes, being a nanny is a paid profession. Yes, nannies generally have a great deal of experience with children and will have their own thoughts. Yes, a nanny is a human being who can be critical or not. Everywhere you go, OP, you get judged - even agreement is a judgement. A nanny is a breathing, thinking human who (hopefully) will love your child and have a relationship with him/her and that is more complicated than a daycare worker's relationship with and feelings for your child.


There is no shame in admitting that you are more suited to daycare.

I agree with this. Not all parents are suited to employ a nanny. A lot of parents have trouble with their child loving someone outside the family. Many mothers are jealous of the time the nanny spends with the child and their close relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

Definitely stay in daycare. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never had a nanny and came here to start learning. The "not my job" attitudes and obsession with money really have turned me off. I don't want someone in my village who is constantly critical, resentful, or thinking about how to squeeze me for cash. Daycare has been great for my child, but I was looking at a nanny in order to make life easier at home. After reading this forum, it seems like my home life would have a lot of drama and judgement.

Just look at it this way.

If you read the parents forum....about 99.9% of those people should never have children.