NF acting weird and unappreciative

[Anonymous]

I would hope in another job that MB/DB wouldn't say one thing and mean another and that they will be more consistent. I haven't known an MB like this before and have nannied for years. I don't think speaking to them will help. MB in particular is all over the place and I never know what I am going to get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are not good bosses and suck at having those difficult conversations. Particularly if MB and DB aren't on the same page.

It kind of sounds to me like you are working hard at all of the wrong things, OP. It sounds like you are working really hard to engage a reluctant elementary school child (pre-teen?), but what they really need from you is to do more tidying or whatever tasks she is texting you about.

Let go of any notions that you have about what a good nanny looks like, don't work so hard, and just do things that you think will make your MB and DBs lives easier. I am sure that I am alone here, but I would prefer to come home to a clean house rather than finding that my kids and nanny had played games and left me the pieces to pick up. I would actually prefer it if my nanny would arrange a playdate, and while the girls are playing, fold a load of laundry, pop something in the oven for dinner, and sit and read a magazine for an hour.

She is a nanny not their effing maid/cook/housecleaner. Pick up your own filthy house.

[Anonymous]

OP here and yes, I agree with above post just too afraid to say it myself if I am honest.
I am highly qualified and experienced and didn't do all this just to pick up my bosses socks, sit down and read a magazine and do little to zero childcare.
I have come to the conclusion that my bosses probably want to have their cake and eat it. I am very tidy and think MB just nitpicks at times for whatever reason. It won't ever change, they don't appreciate me like they should so I should just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are not good bosses and suck at having those difficult conversations. Particularly if MB and DB aren't on the same page.

It kind of sounds to me like you are working hard at all of the wrong things, OP. It sounds like you are working really hard to engage a reluctant elementary school child (pre-teen?), but what they really need from you is to do more tidying or whatever tasks she is texting you about.

Let go of any notions that you have about what a good nanny looks like, don't work so hard, and just do things that you think will make your MB and DBs lives easier. I am sure that I am alone here, but I would prefer to come home to a clean house rather than finding that my kids and nanny had played games and left me the pieces to pick up. I would actually prefer it if my nanny would arrange a playdate, and while the girls are playing, fold a load of laundry, pop something in the oven for dinner, and sit and read a magazine for an hour.

She is a nanny not their effing maid/cook/housecleaner. Pick up your own filthy house.

Dude. I don't care. She isn't my nanny. The OP sounds like she is about to get fired, and she said that she can't afford to be without a paycheck, and her bosses don't appreciate her effort. I was just giving some advice on what to do to be more appreciated.

You can't expect your employer to appreciate you just for being you. People appreciate you for what you can do for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and yes, I agree with above post just too afraid to say it myself if I am honest.
I am highly qualified and experienced and didn't do all this just to pick up my bosses socks, sit down and read a magazine and do little to zero childcare.
I have come to the conclusion that my bosses probably want to have their cake and eat it. I am very tidy and think MB just nitpicks at times for whatever reason. It won't ever change, they don't appreciate me like they should so I should just move on.

I think we are all in agreement that you should leave. The question is: do you stay and take the expected extravagant yet shallow gift and feel guilty or leave now empty-handed and unemployed with your sanity intact?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they want their child to do more homework or do better homework. Maybe the child's teacher has been providing feedback on that and the parents are concerned. They might be re-evaluating and trying to decide if maybe they need a tutor as opposed to a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and yes, I agree with above post just too afraid to say it myself if I am honest.
I am highly qualified and experienced and didn't do all this just to pick up my bosses socks, sit down and read a magazine and do little to zero childcare.
I have come to the conclusion that my bosses probably want to have their cake and eat it. I am very tidy and think MB just nitpicks at times for whatever reason. It won't ever change, they don't appreciate me like they should so I should just move on.

I think we are all in agreement that you should leave. The question is: do you stay and take the expected extravagant yet shallow gift and feel guilty or leave now empty-handed and unemployed with your sanity intact?

I don't like the word 'expected in terms of the present....' and why would I feel guilty when I have worked for it even if they don't see it? I can't just quit straight away as said previously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and yes, I agree with above post just too afraid to say it myself if I am honest.
I am highly qualified and experienced and didn't do all this just to pick up my bosses socks, sit down and read a magazine and do little to zero childcare.
I have come to the conclusion that my bosses probably want to have their cake and eat it. I am very tidy and think MB just nitpicks at times for whatever reason. It won't ever change, they don't appreciate me like they should so I should just move on.

I think we are all in agreement that you should leave. The question is: do you stay and take the expected extravagant yet shallow gift and feel guilty or leave now empty-handed and unemployed with your sanity intact?

I don't like the word 'expected in terms of the present....' and why would I feel guilty when I have worked for it even if they don't see it? I can't just quit straight away as said previously.

You said yourself in the other thread that you expected it.

[Anonymous]

From other thread that you said you were the OP of this one:

"This is quite similar to me. I am ok with receiving chocolates and a nice, well thought out card but anything more and I feel guilty and weird about it. I think my current nanny family will get me something extravegent and yet I know it isn't something they feel I deserve. They just want to keep me as are worried they won't find anyone else to do the weird shift patterns they require."

[Anonymous]

I don't see the word expect in there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The tasks are child related and ones I normally do already (Homework/spellings) which is why I get annoyed when she mentions it. The child is 7 years old and I was always employed as a nanny, not a cleaner/housekeeper. I do however, always tidy up/wash dishes even those that aren't mine or the childs. I never leave mess for them either and she has even said I don't need to worry about tidying up after her kid as she knows how untidy she is. This was said when I first started. However, I am learning that MB seems to say one thing but feels another.
If she wanted a housekeeper then she should have employed someone specifically to do that. Maybe that's what the problem is. They have decided they need a cleaner rather then a nanny. Personally, I would want someone to engage with my child, support them with homework, take them to the park etc but that's just me.
Either way, it is uncomfortable for me right now and I feel upset every time I am there as their behavior and expectations are not clear. I don't think even they know what they want but I agree with whoever said that they seem to be on different pages and therefore, I just can't win.

No nanny wants to feel her work and personal qualities are not being recognized. It is a horrible feeling as good nannies put so much into their jobs.

I know. But honestly, you don't speak for most parents. Every parent I know would prefer to spend their time with their children taking them to the park and engaging with them rather than spending it cleaning up after them.

I know it isn't fair. I will tell you when I was in medical school, I learned waay too late that no one really cared about my learning or how smart I was. All anyone wants is a little bit of a load off their shoulders. Once I stopped spending all of my time studying, going to clinic, witnessing surgeries, and doing all of the things they tell you to do, and started spending more time getting all of the paperwork done that I possibly could, following up on labs, and doing minor procedures that other people would otherwise have to do, I started getting honors in all of my rotations, rather than simply passing.

Are you paid during the time the 7 yo is in school? Do you do household errands and rotate cleaning things in the house during that time? My family moved me in to that set up once the two children were in school - first they were in 3 hour preschool, then 6 hours of elementary school. So two days a week I grocery shopped, I always meal prepped, I did the kids lunches for the next day, 2 days a week I vacuumed and 1 day a week I dusted. Plus I drive them to/from activities.
Before the kids headed to school, they showed me a one pager of what they needed from their nanny and I had a week to think if I wanted the position or not. I did. Worked for me. I enjoy being with this family for 8 years now.

If this doesnot work for you and you only want to care for babies and change jobs every 3 years, just tell them. It will be better for everyone, and the kids. They will need an increasing amount of development which is quite different from everyone napping 1-2 times a day.