Need to vent: my nanny is always sick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reason 74 why I won't hire nannies who have young kids/step kids. Totally hypocritical, I realize. But it is what it is.

At least you recognize your hypocrisy. I'm sure you would've raised a huge stink if anyone had suggested you were a less worthy employee because YOU have young kids at home. This nanny sounds unreliable, of course, but not everyone with young kids is. What "it" is is wrong.

The difference is that my company's function doesn't rely on just me. There are others who can step in and do my job when I am out. Not so with nannies- they are a one-person business. A daycare also doesn't have this problem because there is more than one carer.

I understand the "why." It's just frustrating that so many in this country can simultaneously say that childcare workers do such important work, and nannies specifically perform an indispensable function allowing working parents to fully function in their own jobs, and at the same time underpay and fight legislation that would protect us.

Your nanny is one human being. If she's so valuable that you can't afford for her to get sick, providing healthcare is a good start, as is usable time off, and pay that affords and healthy standard of living. It'd also be smart to have contingency plans seeing as how you rely so heavily on this one person. The answer to this problem is NOT discrimination. It never is, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You've rolled up a lot of issues in one. Yes, a nanny is indispensable. But 5 sick days a year is more than I get at my own job- if that's not enough for a worker that's a problem. Additionally, I am going to discriminate based on my experiences and expectations. (Not OP, btw, so don't get mad at her.) I wouldn't hire a nanny with a chronic illness nor one who cannot speak decent English either- why? Because I want to be able to rely on and communicate with my nanny and those things have the POTENTIAL (but not the certainty) to cause problems with those criteria. No different with a nanny with small kids.

Now, wages have nothing to do with this. You think you are underpaid, but being a "nanny" requires no skills, education, certificate or license. Nanny wages are basically in line with-- or higher than-- other unskilled jobs, and, as we all know on this forum, some nannies far exceed those salaries.

As for legislation- I'm not aware of any nor am I fighting any. I do think, however, nannies must be cognizant that should their wages increase dramatically, their opportunities for employment will decrease dramatically unless there is some government subsidy.

All of the issues are related. People with access to good healthcare, usable rest time away from their jobs, and satisfaction in their jobs get sick less often and do a better job. Nannies on the whole are less likely to have decent healthcare, receive little time off outside of that which is dictated to them by their employers, and it is a constant battle to get any respect for the work that we do.

You want a reliable nanny? Pay her what her skills and the job she is doing is worth. Stop standing behind the "unskilled labor" BS, because you know it isn't true. It is simply undervalued labor because it is the labor or brown women.

Give her a decent amount of vacation and LET HER USE IT. You likely get 4-6 weeks of vacation a year, stop making your nanny share one of her 2 weeks with you, and giving her crap for taking time off. Then maybe she won't use sick days as vacation days.

Offer healthcare and encourage her to use it! If your nanny could afford to go to the doctor and get medication when she was sick, she wouldn't have to rest at home for a week to get better.

Finally, you know you hired a nanny, you know she's going to need time off, and you know you aren't going to like covering her at the last minute. Take a moment to develop a plan, inform your nanny of the plan and what you need to make it work. Need a few hours notice to arrange backup care? Would you prefer she let you know the night before if she can? Can you promise not to give her crap for taking time off so she feels comfortable giving you advanced notice whenever possible?

ALL of these things play into reliability and your ability as an employer to function. You have to recognize your own role in this dynamic and make sure that you're doing what you can to create an environment in which your employee can succeed.

PP here. I don't disagree with anything you said, except "pay her what she's worth". What does that mean? How much is that? And how big of a percentage of a family's income should the nanny command? Tell me why a nanny's salary shouldn't be settled by supply and demand?

[Anonymous]

If you aren't willing to let her come in with even a cold, the issue is partially yours. How many of those days were because she wasn't fully recovered and you didn't want her in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't willing to let her come in with even a cold, the issue is partially yours. How many of those days were because she wasn't fully recovered and you didn't want her in?

OP here, I've never actually asked her to stay home. As tempted as I've been, it would only increase my burden. I have though, when she is sick, reminded her to wash her hands around my kids, etc. She's with my kids today, still sick and cranky (my husband heard her make a comment yesterday insinuating that it was my kids getting her sick, which is pretty infuriating). PPs, thanks for the helpful suggestions about back-up care, etc. Clearly I struck some people's nerves with this thread but I think it's worth mentioning that I paid for my nanny's flu shot, give her five sick days and five personal days, allow her to make up days if she doesn't want to use them, and she only works for me PT. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I think it's a pretty fair arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it IS your kids making her sick? You just said they were getting over being sick for the second time in a short time frame. I mean, that comes with the job so she should STFU but don't assume it isn't happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it IS your kids making her sick? You just said they were getting over being sick for the second time in a short time frame. I mean, that comes with the job so she should STFU but don't assume it isn't happening.

I guess anything is possible, but she said this comment on the day after she called out, after telling us that her niece and nephew were sick over the weekend, so kinda doubt it's my kids getting her sick, but more her niece and nephew getting my nanny sick and then her getting my kids sick...

[Anonymous]

As a mother your primary responsibility to your children is to keep them safe, healthy and happy.

If they are being exposed to unnecessary germs + infections this is completely unacceptable to me.

Not to mention it does not sound like your nanny is very dependable which is a deal breaker in my book.

I would address these concerns with her and let her go. Today.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is sick at least that often. It irritates me, but she always has her sister cover for her and once she's used her sick and vacation time she doesn't get paid. She is awesome in every other way, so I just keep quiet. Annoying though. Do you have back up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thanks, PPs. I just don't see what sitting down with her will resolve. She's clearly sick and not playing hooky. When she's out, DH and I have to coordinate child care on our own (usually splitting the day). And having her come in when sick means my kids get sick too. So what's the solution? I just wish she wasn't sick so much, but what can I do about that other than hiring someone else right? (which I don't want to do)

The solution is reminding her that she has 5 paid sick days which she has used. Hire a couple of backup sitters or a backup service, give your nanny the phone numbers, and let her know that going forward any further sick days are unpaid and that she can arrange her backup after informing you she will be out. Don't stress over it any more.

Agree, this is common protocol.
Stop stressing and being your nanny's secretary, she should arrange her backup care if she has such frequent issues. Then you need to decide if you consider her "reliable childcare" or not and if you want so many strangers in the house, with your kids, getting up to speed on your appliances/ kids' routines. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother your primary responsibility to your children is to keep them safe, healthy and happy.

If they are being exposed to unnecessary germs + infections this is completely unacceptable to me.

Not to mention it does not sound like your nanny is very dependable which is a deal breaker in my book.

I would address these concerns with her and let her go. Today.

Is your nanny frequently tired and has lack of energy?
She may be a primary caregiver to all her families' children too so has very long days and nights. It is difficult to be a good nanny if you're pulling double shifts and weekend work. She is likely making herself run down, around too many germs constantly, and never fully recovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reason 74 why I won't hire nannies who have young kids/step kids. Totally hypocritical, I realize. But it is what it is.

At least you recognize your hypocrisy. I'm sure you would've raised a huge stink if anyone had suggested you were a less worthy employee because YOU have young kids at home. This nanny sounds unreliable, of course, but not everyone with young kids is. What "it" is is wrong.

The difference is that my company's function doesn't rely on just me. There are others who can step in and do my job when I am out. Not so with nannies- they are a one-person business. A daycare also doesn't have this problem because there is more than one carer.

I understand the "why." It's just frustrating that so many in this country can simultaneously say that childcare workers do such important work, and nannies specifically perform an indispensable function allowing working parents to fully function in their own jobs, and at the same time underpay and fight legislation that would protect us.

Your nanny is one human being. If she's so valuable that you can't afford for her to get sick, providing healthcare is a good start, as is usable time off, and pay that affords and healthy standard of living. It'd also be smart to have contingency plans seeing as how you rely so heavily on this one person. The answer to this problem is NOT discrimination. It never is, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You've rolled up a lot of issues in one. Yes, a nanny is indispensable. But 5 sick days a year is more than I get at my own job- if that's not enough for a worker that's a problem. Additionally, I am going to discriminate based on my experiences and expectations. (Not OP, btw, so don't get mad at her.) I wouldn't hire a nanny with a chronic illness nor one who cannot speak decent English either- why? Because I want to be able to rely on and communicate with my nanny and those things have the POTENTIAL (but not the certainty) to cause problems with those criteria. No different with a nanny with small kids.

Now, wages have nothing to do with this. You think you are underpaid, but being a "nanny" requires no skills, education, certificate or license. Nanny wages are basically in line with-- or higher than-- other unskilled jobs, and, as we all know on this forum, some nannies far exceed those salaries.

As for legislation- I'm not aware of any nor am I fighting any. I do think, however, nannies must be cognizant that should their wages increase dramatically, their opportunities for employment will decrease dramatically unless there is some government subsidy.

All of the issues are related. People with access to good healthcare, usable rest time away from their jobs, and satisfaction in their jobs get sick less often and do a better job. Nannies on the whole are less likely to have decent healthcare, receive little time off outside of that which is dictated to them by their employers, and it is a constant battle to get any respect for the work that we do.

You want a reliable nanny? Pay her what her skills and the job she is doing is worth. Stop standing behind the "unskilled labor" BS, because you know it isn't true. It is simply undervalued labor because it is the labor or brown women.

Give her a decent amount of vacation and LET HER USE IT. You likely get 4-6 weeks of vacation a year, stop making your nanny share one of her 2 weeks with you, and giving her crap for taking time off. Then maybe she won't use sick days as vacation days.

Offer healthcare and encourage her to use it! If your nanny could afford to go to the doctor and get medication when she was sick, she wouldn't have to rest at home for a week to get better.

Finally, you know you hired a nanny, you know she's going to need time off, and you know you aren't going to like covering her at the last minute. Take a moment to develop a plan, inform your nanny of the plan and what you need to make it work. Need a few hours notice to arrange backup care? Would you prefer she let you know the night before if she can? Can you promise not to give her crap for taking time off so she feels comfortable giving you advanced notice whenever possible?

ALL of these things play into reliability and your ability as an employer to function. You have to recognize your own role in this dynamic and make sure that you're doing what you can to create an environment in which your employee can succeed.

Haha. Look, Peter Pan just flew in to post on DCUM and then fly back to LaLaLand.

Oop, he doesn't have any income so I guess never will his hired nanny! Maybe a coconut or two...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't willing to let her come in with even a cold, the issue is partially yours. How many of those days were because she wasn't fully recovered and you didn't want her in?

How is she going to recover? She is likely working quite hard mornings, evenings and weekends in her multi-family, multi-generational house.
The germs will just keep going around and around.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind the less you pay your nanny the more likely she is to be sick. There are plenty of well paid professional nannies who year after year never use a sick day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thanks, PPs. I just don't see what sitting down with her will resolve. She's clearly sick and not playing hooky. When she's out, DH and I have to coordinate child care on our own (usually splitting the day). And having her come in when sick means my kids get sick too. So what's the solution? I just wish she wasn't sick so much, but what can I do about that other than hiring someone else right? (which I don't want to do)

The solution is reminding her that she has 5 paid sick days which she has used. Hire a couple of backup sitters or a backup service, give your nanny the phone numbers, and let her know that going forward any further sick days are unpaid and that she can arrange her backup after informing you she will be out. Don't stress over it any more.

Agree, this is common protocol.
Stop stressing and being your nanny's secretary, she should arrange her backup care if she has such frequent issues. Then you need to decide if you consider her "reliable childcare" or not and if you want so many strangers in the house, with your kids, getting up to speed on your appliances/ kids' routines. Yuck.

Is it common protocol for the nanny to help arrange back-up care? We have a nanny who is wonderful, but she takes a lot of personal days (not sick days), typically 1-2 a month so at this point has used up all paid and is taking unpaid days off. She is never sick, but recently started taking sick days because of leg pain she is having. I have asked her if she has a back-up sitter and she has said no, she "does not feel comfortable endorsing someone." Ironic because the way we were first introduced to her is as the back-up sitter for our date night sitter. Anyway, it is a pain to find a back-up sitter that frequently and a lot of times none of our back-ups are free and I end up staying home because I don't want a random stranger watching our infant. I know the nanny knows babysitters among her family and friends and while she ultimately might not find someone she feels comfortable to "endorse" as her back-up, is it fair of me to ask her to TRY? Which she hasn't so far? I feel like with the frequency of her missed days (three in May, at least two planned in June), it should be part her obligation to at least try to help find us back-up care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reason 74 why I won't hire nannies who have young kids/step kids. Totally hypocritical, I realize. But it is what it is.

At least you recognize your hypocrisy. I'm sure you would've raised a huge stink if anyone had suggested you were a less worthy employee because YOU have young kids at home. This nanny sounds unreliable, of course, but not everyone with young kids is. What "it" is is wrong.

The difference is that my company's function doesn't rely on just me. There are others who can step in and do my job when I am out. Not so with nannies- they are a one-person business. A daycare also doesn't have this problem because there is more than one carer.

I understand the "why." It's just frustrating that so many in this country can simultaneously say that childcare workers do such important work, and nannies specifically perform an indispensable function allowing working parents to fully function in their own jobs, and at the same time underpay and fight legislation that would protect us.

Your nanny is one human being. If she's so valuable that you can't afford for her to get sick, providing healthcare is a good start, as is usable time off, and pay that affords and healthy standard of living. It'd also be smart to have contingency plans seeing as how you rely so heavily on this one person. The answer to this problem is NOT discrimination. It never is, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You've rolled up a lot of issues in one. Yes, a nanny is indispensable. But 5 sick days a year is more than I get at my own job- if that's not enough for a worker that's a problem. Additionally, I am going to discriminate based on my experiences and expectations. (Not OP, btw, so don't get mad at her.) I wouldn't hire a nanny with a chronic illness nor one who cannot speak decent English either- why? Because I want to be able to rely on and communicate with my nanny and those things have the POTENTIAL (but not the certainty) to cause problems with those criteria. No different with a nanny with small kids.

Now, wages have nothing to do with this. You think you are underpaid, but being a "nanny" requires no skills, education, certificate or license. Nanny wages are basically in line with-- or higher than-- other unskilled jobs, and, as we all know on this forum, some nannies far exceed those salaries.

As for legislation- I'm not aware of any nor am I fighting any. I do think, however, nannies must be cognizant that should their wages increase dramatically, their opportunities for employment will decrease dramatically unless there is some government subsidy.

5 sick days is nothing--I get 12. The problem is your company is chintzy, not that being sick more than 5 days in a year is abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thanks, PPs. I just don't see what sitting down with her will resolve. She's clearly sick and not playing hooky. When she's out, DH and I have to coordinate child care on our own (usually splitting the day). And having her come in when sick means my kids get sick too. So what's the solution? I just wish she wasn't sick so much, but what can I do about that other than hiring someone else right? (which I don't want to do)

The solution is reminding her that she has 5 paid sick days which she has used. Hire a couple of backup sitters or a backup service, give your nanny the phone numbers, and let her know that going forward any further sick days are unpaid and that she can arrange her backup after informing you she will be out. Don't stress over it any more.

Agree, this is common protocol.
Stop stressing and being your nanny's secretary, she should arrange her backup care if she has such frequent issues. Then you need to decide if you consider her "reliable childcare" or not and if you want so many strangers in the house, with your kids, getting up to speed on your appliances/ kids' routines. Yuck.

Is it common protocol for the nanny to help arrange back-up care? We have a nanny who is wonderful, but she takes a lot of personal days (not sick days), typically 1-2 a month so at this point has used up all paid and is taking unpaid days off. She is never sick, but recently started taking sick days because of leg pain she is having. I have asked her if she has a back-up sitter and she has said no, she "does not feel comfortable endorsing someone." Ironic because the way we were first introduced to her is as the back-up sitter for our date night sitter. Anyway, it is a pain to find a back-up sitter that frequently and a lot of times none of our back-ups are free and I end up staying home because I don't want a random stranger watching our infant. I know the nanny knows babysitters among her family and friends and while she ultimately might not find someone she feels comfortable to "endorse" as her back-up, is it fair of me to ask her to TRY? Which she hasn't so far? I feel like with the frequency of her missed days (three in May, at least two planned in June), it should be part her obligation to at least try to help find us back-up care.

This would not be sustainable in my house. Why are you agreeing to all these days off? I'd be looking for someone who can actually work a full time job.