MB freaked out on me today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Yes to what everyone else said. She apologized, she heard your concerns, move on.

2) Is it possible she doesn't approve of the way you're enforcing discipline? I ask because I know a lot (most) of nannies seriously fail at working with kids 2-16. No hate, I was a schoolteacher for a long time and learned a lot of tricks, but I get significantly better behavior from the kids then their other nanny. This is due to setting expectations ahead of time, talking slowly and quietly when they begin to get upset and remind them I will listen to them before I do anything, focus entirely on the positive behavior and only require a time out if they are hurting others on purpose, etc. I've actually never had to use a time out in the past four years, but I know all children are different. If you think she's unhappy with the systems in place ask her to sit down and talk about how to work together to improve your charge's behavior.

OP here. She does approve of the way I enforce discipline. I was a school teacher for 10 years and have been a nanny for over 10.
Her son behaves perfectly for me when it's just he and I. The moment his mother enters the room, he can't hold it together. He has been a mess for 2 months because of this.
I know what I am doing. I know how to get desired behavior from children.
I just need his mom to allow me to do that.

Gotcha.

I still think if she continues interfering it would be worth saying, "Are you uncomfortable with the systems we agreed on? It seems like you intervene even when I'm following the established protocol and that's difficult for DS as well as me. I want to be sure we are on the same page and can agree to respect one another's authority when in charge. What could i do to make that easier for you?"

I mean, I had that conversation hundreds of times with parents, it's no different with MBs. If you're truly a professional with ten years of teaching experience (srsly? how old are you? how have you not figured this out yet?) then speak with the same confidence you'd have used with your principal or students' parents when they complain about homework rules, grading systems, in-room discipline, etc.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- My boss was crazy during maternity leave, and I almost quit. So happy I didbt, because once she went back to work everything was normal again. This was five years ago, still with the family.

[Anonymous]

Stop giving OP's MB a pass because of hormones. Whst she did was unforgivable and the working relationship will never be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has about 3 or so weeks of her maternity leave left. I must say that she really made a point to try to smooth things over with me. We discussed it and she said that she can see my point and that she thinks I am right.
She also told me that she is in the process of weaning her baby and that it is causing her to go a little nuts. I've never had children, so I don't know what that is like. She admitted that she's feeling very emotional about leaving the baby because she feels like she will miss everything. She cried a good bit and hugged me.
I have always had a great relationship with her and I want it to work out, I'm just completely cngused by all of this.
I really meant no harm.

You should let this go. She flew off the handle, apologized profusely, addressed your original issue in a way that is satisfactory for you. No reason to quit. She's under a TON of stress. The hormones ARE crazy-making.

She us a grown woman and there is no excuse for her behavior. I would be looking immediately. You are not a punching bag for this bitch to take out her feedings of inadequacy. She was verbally abusive abd this is untenable.

[Anonymous]

You have a boss who immediately recognized her actions were wrong and hurtful and potentially jeapordizing a relationship with a valued employee.

She came to you the same day and apologized, recognized your skill and ability, gave you a couple of entirely valid reasons why she isn't quite herself, and made it very clear that she valued you and wanted to make things right.

No one is perfect, but in any relationship in life if someone tries that hard to acknowledge a wrong and make it right, how can you not respect that?

I would thank her for coming to me, make sure to touch base w/ her on things when emotions aren't running high (on either side), and give her the benefit of the doubt. Postpartum stuff is real, and crazy, and the stresses of weaning an infant, while still trying to make sure your firstborn isn't suffering or feeling cast aside, and facing a return to work is a pretty major emotional set of stuff to work through. It really is, and none of that has anything to do with you OP.

I was pretty stunned at how much I was set off kilter by those things when my kid was born. It can be really really tough. So maybe she just lost it with you for a hundred reasons that have nothing to do with you. That doesn't make it right, but her total and immediate apology ought to count for a lot, IMO.

[Anonymous]

You're overreacting, OP.

She made a mistake, owned up to it, and apologized.

If this is unacceptable to you, then you should surely quit. But if this is a rare bad in an otherwise good relationship, let it go.

[Anonymous]

OMG op nothing happened. She had bad day, apologized what else you want?

[Anonymous]

If a nanny flipped her lid like this, would the responses be as compassionate?

[Anonymous]

This is par for the course when there are house guests or the 12 week maternity leave.

The mom is not going to stay exciled in the basement or bedroom because the toddler is confused why Mom is home all day. Be realistic; everyone is doing the best they can.
The most the mom can do -- and what mom walking past her child and seeing him crying or acting up would completely IGNoRE the situation and not pitch in?? -- is speak to the child and say "listen to nanny larla." And 2 yos don't necessarily have that kind of comprehension.

If you don't like the job for other reasons, then quit. Otherwise deal with the short term transition because once she's gone back you work your have a permanent transition: caring for two children.
Focus on coming up with your game plan for that - age appropriate activities, logistics, double stroller walks, playdates safe for infant and toddler, food prep, teaching toddler new stuff, sleep and eating. Training for infant, etc.. Then communicate it to Mb and impress her with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a nanny flipped her lid like this, would the responses be as compassionate?

I'm 9:15 and yes. I would be as compassionate with anyone else as I would hope for them to be with me. Especially in the instance of a long-standing, valued, nanny with whom I have an otherwise solid and trusting relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few weeks ago about my MB. She is home on maternity leave and has been stepping in while I've been interacting with my oldest charge.
Today, while my charge was having a major tantrum (he's 2), MB came up from the basement. I had placed my charge in a quiet corner of the room to cool down. He was calming down when she came up. She went right over there and started trying to fix the issue with him instead of letting me handle it...which I was.
A bit later, we were hanging out with the kids and began discussing my charge's behavior issues. In an attempt to be candid (which we agreed to from the beginning), I admitted that "sometimes when you come come in and try to handle DC, I feel like he gets confused and it becomes more difficult for me to be seen as an authority figure." She cut me off before I finished and in a very cold and angry tone, she said that she didn't care how I feel about it because she just wants to spend time with her kids. She then went on to say that the reason that DC is misbehaving has nothing to do with her.
I basically shut down and stopped talking because she was so pissed.
She later came to me and apologized and blamed her outburst on severe hormonal swings.
She was really concerned that I would quit because of what happened.
I don't feel the same at all about my job and really don't know how to move past this.
I am an awesome nanny and take pride in what I do. I want the vey best for my charges and care for them very much. I've never dealt with a situation like this.
Thoughts on how to move forward.

The toddler is already confused. He knows mom is in the house. Telling the Mom you'll handle it isn't going to void the confusion. It will remain until a new normal is set. Many toddlers get clingy when mom is around during leave. Maybe mom and you can take off infant and toddler duty sometimes? Or all go wall around the zoo some morning?? Or a museum??

[Anonymous]

She sounds genuinely sorry and like she values your relationship. Give her a break if this was a one-time thing, and move on. Postpartum hormones can be crazy, try to have a little empathy for her.

[Anonymous]

And now you understand why working with an at home mom NEVER WORKS. It also seems you are working with an overall lousy employer - not considerate of your professional opinion, or respectful of your space while working. There's nothing at all you can do about that except find a new job, and hope you land a good MB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds genuinely sorry and like she values your relationship. Give her a break if this was a one-time thing, and move on. Postpartum hormones can be crazy, try to have a little empathy for her.

Nanny said it's an ongoing problem.
Mom needs to dump on someone else,
or get some therapy for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And now you understand why working with an at home mom NEVER WORKS. It also seems you are working with an overall lousy employer - not considerate of your professional opinion, or respectful of your space while working. There's nothing at all you can do about that except find a new job, and hope you land a good MB.

99% of the time, this is exactly right.