MB freaked out on me today

[Anonymous]

I posted a few weeks ago about my MB. She is home on maternity leave and has been stepping in while I've been interacting with my oldest charge.
Today, while my charge was having a major tantrum (he's 2), MB came up from the basement. I had placed my charge in a quiet corner of the room to cool down. He was calming down when she came up. She went right over there and started trying to fix the issue with him instead of letting me handle it...which I was.
A bit later, we were hanging out with the kids and began discussing my charge's behavior issues. In an attempt to be candid (which we agreed to from the beginning), I admitted that "sometimes when you come come in and try to handle DC, I feel like he gets confused and it becomes more difficult for me to be seen as an authority figure." She cut me off before I finished and in a very cold and angry tone, she said that she didn't care how I feel about it because she just wants to spend time with her kids. She then went on to say that the reason that DC is misbehaving has nothing to do with her.
I basically shut down and stopped talking because she was so pissed.
She later came to me and apologized and blamed her outburst on severe hormonal swings.
She was really concerned that I would quit because of what happened.
I don't feel the same at all about my job and really don't know how to move past this.
I am an awesome nanny and take pride in what I do. I want the vey best for my charges and care for them very much. I've never dealt with a situation like this.
Thoughts on how to move forward.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Her ongoing behavior iss 100% UNacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I'd quit.

-Longtime nanny who has worked with many work at home parents (who understand communication is important and not to intervene in situations like that)

[Anonymous]

She is nuts. Find another job. Some things can never be the same after outrageous behavior and what she did is one of them. Bull to blaming hirmones.

[Anonymous]

How much maternity leave does she have left? At least she apologized, I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

You need to readdress before you quit(if you do)
Set aside a time to talk.
Let her know that you didn't mean that she upset DS but that having two authority figures does cause a problem. Then ask if she would be open to spending free time after working though issues.
If there is less than 2/3 weeks of maternity leave let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She has about 3 or so weeks of her maternity leave left. I must say that she really made a point to try to smooth things over with me. We discussed it and she said that she can see my point and that she thinks I am right.
She also told me that she is in the process of weaning her baby and that it is causing her to go a little nuts. I've never had children, so I don't know what that is like. She admitted that she's feeling very emotional about leaving the baby because she feels like she will miss everything. She cried a good bit and hugged me.
I have always had a great relationship with her and I want it to work out, I'm just completely cngused by all of this.
I really meant no harm.

[Anonymous]

Cngused=confused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has about 3 or so weeks of her maternity leave left. I must say that she really made a point to try to smooth things over with me. We discussed it and she said that she can see my point and that she thinks I am right.
She also told me that she is in the process of weaning her baby and that it is causing her to go a little nuts. I've never had children, so I don't know what that is like. She admitted that she's feeling very emotional about leaving the baby because she feels like she will miss everything. She cried a good bit and hugged me.
I have always had a great relationship with her and I want it to work out, I'm just completely cngused by all of this.
I really meant no harm.

You should let this go. She flew off the handle, apologized profusely, addressed your original issue in a way that is satisfactory for you. No reason to quit. She's under a TON of stress. The hormones ARE crazy-making.

[Anonymous]

I've been through several maternity leaves at this point and the hormones are truly killer. She probably feels that she is failing as a mom and abandoning her kids and all other crazy nonsense.

Given that she apologized profusely and addressed the original issue, I would just let it go. Taking this personally says more about your lack of experience with crazy hormones than anything else (and that's not a jab, just pointing out that this isn't an area where tou can empathize).

Now if this is an issue again, I would have a sit down and discuss and/or start looking for a new position elsewhere. But once under these circumstances followed immediately by an apology? Free pass.

[Anonymous]

1) Yes to what everyone else said. She apologized, she heard your concerns, move on.

2) Is it possible she doesn't approve of the way you're enforcing discipline? I ask because I know a lot (most) of nannies seriously fail at working with kids 2-16. No hate, I was a schoolteacher for a long time and learned a lot of tricks, but I get significantly better behavior from the kids then their other nanny. This is due to setting expectations ahead of time, talking slowly and quietly when they begin to get upset and remind them I will listen to them before I do anything, focus entirely on the positive behavior and only require a time out if they are hurting others on purpose, etc. I've actually never had to use a time out in the past four years, but I know all children are different. If you think she's unhappy with the systems in place ask her to sit down and talk about how to work together to improve your charge's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Yes to what everyone else said. She apologized, she heard your concerns, move on.

2) Is it possible she doesn't approve of the way you're enforcing discipline? I ask because I know a lot (most) of nannies seriously fail at working with kids 2-16. No hate, I was a schoolteacher for a long time and learned a lot of tricks, but I get significantly better behavior from the kids then their other nanny. This is due to setting expectations ahead of time, talking slowly and quietly when they begin to get upset and remind them I will listen to them before I do anything, focus entirely on the positive behavior and only require a time out if they are hurting others on purpose, etc. I've actually never had to use a time out in the past four years, but I know all children are different. If you think she's unhappy with the systems in place ask her to sit down and talk about how to work together to improve your charge's behavior.

OP here. She does approve of the way I enforce discipline. I was a school teacher for 10 years and have been a nanny for over 10.
Her son behaves perfectly for me when it's just he and I. The moment his mother enters the room, he can't hold it together. He has been a mess for 2 months because of this.
I know what I am doing. I know how to get desired behavior from children.
I just need his mom to allow me to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has about 3 or so weeks of her maternity leave left. I must say that she really made a point to try to smooth things over with me. We discussed it and she said that she can see my point and that she thinks I am right.
She also told me that she is in the process of weaning her baby and that it is causing her to go a little nuts. I've never had children, so I don't know what that is like. She admitted that she's feeling very emotional about leaving the baby because she feels like she will miss everything. She cried a good bit and hugged me.
I have always had a great relationship with her and I want it to work out, I'm just completely cngused by all of this.
I really meant no harm.

Post pregnancy hormones are HORRIBLE and turn you into someone you have never met before and never want to meet again! Plus if she is weaning she is also going to get her first bout of PMS -- and that first PMS is a doozy.

I would give her a pass this time, OP. Honestly, she is a mess and can't help herself.

Let it go. I am a nanny, too and I know how hard it is to do but just try to let it go.

[Anonymous]

While this would annoy the hell out of me too OP, I would let it go...Just this ONCE.

If it happens again, you can tell here where to stick her response.

But if this is truly bothering you now and the damage has already been done, plus she continues barging in on your job duties, I would tell her it's just too challenging caring for the kids when the other parent is home and that she can call you up after her maternity leave is over. Or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is nuts. Find another job. Some things can never be the same after outrageous behavior and what she did is one of them. Bull to blaming hirmones.

You're nuts! Everyone has difficult interactions on the job for time to time (saying this as an mb who works full time out of the home): can't imagine quitting over one bad interaction, especially if the boss or colleague in question apologized, for goodness sake! And the op's NB is strung our on hormones for goodness sake. OP, can understand why this would be upsetting, but we all have these moments in the workplace, let it go.