How to pull back emotionally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that if you left him tomorrow, your charge would not even remember you. You are the Help, OP, and nothing more.

Why do you post this over and over again? Are you a one trick pony?

It is the very simple truth. No, I post many other things but this is the most important and bears repeating.

No, but it's a convenient lie you need to tell yourself so you can switch nannies like your dirty underwear. Study some early childhood development when you're really to face the truth.

*...when you're really ready to face the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that if you left him tomorrow, your charge would not even remember you. You are the Help, OP, and nothing more.

Why do you post this over and over again? Are you a one trick pony?

It is the very simple truth. No, I post many other things but this is the most important and bears repeating.

No, but it's a convenient lie you need to tell yourself so you can switch nannies like your dirty underwear. Study some early childhood development when you're really to face the truth.

*...when you're really ready to face the truth.

I AM A NANNY - not an MB. I know the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that if you left him tomorrow, your charge would not even remember you. You are the Help, OP, and nothing more.

Why do you post this over and over again? Are you a one trick pony?

It is the very simple truth. No, I post many other things but this is the most important and bears repeating.

No, but it's a convenient lie you need to tell yourself so you can switch nannies like your dirty underwear. Study some early childhood development when you're really to face the truth.

*...when you're really ready to face the truth.

I AM A NANNY - not an MB. I know the truth.

Not PP but you must be a terrible nanny! You can no clue as to the importance of the early bond between an infant and his caregiver. Look at the Romanian orphans is you think a bond makes no difference to the future of children.

I am an employee of my charges parents - I am not the "help" anymore than the older kid's teacher is the "help".

It's time for you to stop being a nanny, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that if you left him tomorrow, your charge would not even remember you. You are the Help, OP, and nothing more.

I hope you're right. I think the same thing. It makes me feel better if for some reason we have to be separated s/he will feel better that she's not the only one who's parents are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that if you left him tomorrow, your charge would not even remember you. You are the Help, OP, and nothing more.

I hope you're right. I think the same thing. It makes me feel better if for some reason we have to be separated s/he will feel better that she's not the only one who's parents are crazy.

I have no clue what you are talking about, PP. You aren't the OP and this post makes no sense whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.

[Anonymous]

I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.

This is a myth. There is no data anywhere that says there are "profound and permanent" consequences to changing nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.

This is a myth. There is no data anywhere that says there are "profound and permanent" consequences to changing nannies.

No, it is not a myth. Just look it up. While in some cases it cannot be helped and the parent is not at fault, it is generally accepted to keep those central to a child's life in the child's life. Otherwise you have a revolving door of abandonment.

You have to remember that our children have no concept before five or six that the nanny is working -- and they form the same bonds with the nanny that they would with any secondary adult. To think a young child is not affected by a change is nannies is like thinking a child is not affected by the divorce of his parents.

I would definitely keep the number of caretakers a child has to the barest of minimum.

- MB who is also a pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.

This is a myth. There is no data anywhere that says there are "profound and permanent" consequences to changing nannies.

No, it is not a myth. Just look it up. While in some cases it cannot be helped and the parent is not at fault, it is generally accepted to keep those central to a child's life in the child's life. Otherwise you have a revolving door of abandonment.

You have to remember that our children have no concept before five or six that the nanny is working -- and they form the same bonds with the nanny that they would with any secondary adult. To think a young child is not affected by a change is nannies is like thinking a child is not affected by the divorce of his parents.

I would definitely keep the number of caretakers a child has to the barest of minimum.

- MB who is also a pediatrician.

+1 I agree with the pediatrician/mother. Consistency, consistency, consistency -- the three components of healthy children! Your child has to KNOW who he/she can count on and the nanny has to be someone he/she can count on. Dr. Sears talks about the importance of a strong bond with a caregiver at length.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.


This is a myth. There is no data anywhere that says there are "profound and permanent" consequences to changing nannies.


No, it is not a myth. Just look it up. While in some cases it cannot be helped and the parent is not at fault, it is generally accepted to keep those central to a child's life in the child's life. Otherwise you have a revolving door of abandonment.

You have to remember that our children have no concept before five or six that the nanny is working -- and they form the same bonds with the nanny that they would with any secondary adult. To think a young child is not affected by a change is nannies is like thinking a child is not affected by the divorce of his parents.

I would definitely keep the number of caretakers a child has to the barest of minimum.

- MB who is also a pediatrician.

For a pediatrician, you lack critical thinking skills. There are no studies that conclude that there are profound and permanent consequences to changing nannies. This is a myth. If it wasn't, you'd certainly have academic citations to prove your point. Sure, there are studies on child abandonment and attachment disorders, but these studies concern children in extreme circumstances (Romanian orphans are a good enough example), not nannies in general employment in the US.

Will a child miss a nanny who moves on? Sure, just like they would miss any "secondary adult" in their lives, but equating a nanny change to a parent's divorce is a huge leap in (il)logic. Children change teachers every year and you can't find any studies that conclude changing teachers causes irreparable damage or trauma in young children. Because they don't. They cause some sadness, as everyone is sad when someone they care about moves on, but no permanent damage.

It does more "damage' to keep employing a mediocre nanny than changing nannies to ensure your child has the best care at all times. Consistency for consistency's sake is short sighted and foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

Smart parents will do what they can to maintain the established bond between their child and a beloved nanny. If not, the consequences are profound and permanent.


This is a myth. There is no data anywhere that says there are "profound and permanent" consequences to changing nannies.


No, it is not a myth. Just look it up. While in some cases it cannot be helped and the parent is not at fault, it is generally accepted to keep those central to a child's life in the child's life. Otherwise you have a revolving door of abandonment.

You have to remember that our children have no concept before five or six that the nanny is working -- and they form the same bonds with the nanny that they would with any secondary adult. To think a young child is not affected by a change is nannies is like thinking a child is not affected by the divorce of his parents.

I would definitely keep the number of caretakers a child has to the barest of minimum.

- MB who is also a pediatrician.

For a pediatrician, you lack critical thinking skills. There are no studies that conclude that there are profound and permanent consequences to changing nannies. This is a myth. If it wasn't, you'd certainly have academic citations to prove your point. Sure, there are studies on child abandonment and attachment disorders, but these studies concern children in extreme circumstances (Romanian orphans are a good enough example), not nannies in general employment in the US.

Will a child miss a nanny who moves on? Sure, just like they would miss any "secondary adult" in their lives, but equating a nanny change to a parent's divorce is a huge leap in (il)logic. Children change teachers every year and you can't find any studies that conclude changing teachers causes irreparable damage or trauma in young children. Because they don't. They cause some sadness, as everyone is sad when someone they care about moves on, but no permanent damage.

It does more "damage' to keep employing a mediocre nanny than changing nannies to ensure your child has the best care at all times. Consistency for consistency's sake is short sighted and foolish.

You are clearly placating your own feelings of guilt for not being able to keep a nanny or hiring badly -- both on you. I'm sorry, but your kids will suffer your inadequacy. You don't even understand the importance of the First Five in equating a nanny with a teacher!!!

I am an MB and I trust the pediatrician far more than you.

[Anonymous]

Wrong, 13:10, but thanks for playing.

Try actually proving your point but linking to actual peer reviewed literature that concludes that changing nannies causes profound and permanent consequences for children.

I'll wait for you and the "pediatrician" to post your proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong, 13:10, but thanks for playing.

Try actually proving your point but linking to actual peer reviewed literature that concludes that changing nannies causes profound and permanent consequences for children.

I'll wait for you and the "pediatrician" to post your proof.

NP here - and you need to calm down and just stop your hate. Nannies are important in the lives of the children they care for. No one needs a physician to tell you that. If you cannot understand that, them I feel nothing but pity for your poor children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am way too devoted to my charge. I just need to pull back emotionally a bit and don't know how to do it. I honestly get teary-eyed when I think that I may have to leave this job (I need more hours and I'm getting worn down by my MB).

I was a preschool teacher for many years, but this is my first long-tern nanny position. My charge is 18 months old and I have been with him since his birth.

I don't see how you can pull back emotionally when talking about loving a small child. Do you best, OP, and know that if circumstances have to change (and you need to get a job with more hours) you will love your new charge too and hopefully still see you current charge for weekend babysitting.

You sound like a great nanny. Don't change.