MB refuses to let me feed on demand

[Anonymous]

With only this bit of information I'm with the mother.

I imagine the mother would say "of course the baby is hungry - he's not getting full feedings."

The child should be eating at least 6 oz at each feeding, so if he's stopping at 4 of course he'll be hungry earlier. 4-5 feedings of 6-7 ounces is pretty much textbook recommendations at this age. So I'd focus on getting a full(ish) bottle into him at each feeding, rather than increasing the feedings.

Feeding on demand versus a schedule is a choice. Both approaches work perfectly well, but it is predicated on having full feedings - not stopping at only 4 oz.

Have you asked the mother if the schedule and amount works for her when you're not there? If the baby is taking the full amount and happy on the schedule she's using then you need to try to figure out why that isn't happening on your watch.

If you can't work within this parent's clear choices then you probably need to find another job. It sounds like this mother has clear ideas of what she wants and may not be open to your influence - at least not this early in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the mom and 5mo old is perfectly acceptably to be on a 4hr schedule. I watch twins and they are 3mo and eat 7-8oz every 4 hours and sleep through the night. You should try feeding him in a dark(ish), quiet, boring room so he knows it is time to eat not play. make gentle contact with your hands or humm/sing softly, but try and avoid direct eye contact as this def distracts babies. Also he is 5mo old and he wants to "play" what do you mean by that?

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and also agree with the mom, it is her child.

[Anonymous]

I only work with multiples and by this age yes they all are on a feeding and nap schedule and no we don't vary for the first 2 to 2.5 yrs (obviously we more eating times and sleeping times with growth). So yes I agree with MB.

[Anonymous]

OP, Have you met with the child's pediatrician to discuss your concerns?

[Anonymous]

Op, you've only been in this job three weeks, hardly long enough to know changes in your charge. It's a reasonable schedule your MB wants. If you have such a hard time with it, perhaps a new job is in order.

[Anonymous]

Are you full time OP? If you aren't full time then i can understand her wanting to keep the schedule.
Try feeding the baby in the kitchen away from the toys
Go to a different room and give the baby one little toy to have in his hands.. make sure you're heating the bottle enough and it doesn't get cold by the time he finishes...
Is he sitting up yet? When he starts to wiggle take the bottle out and rock a little and try to get him back in position. Also try switching sides you feed him on.

If she wants you to force feed him, when you hold him position on arm kind of between your arm and your side. it will gently hold him in place!!

How many feedings are you giving him? 2 or 3? do you give his first one? Maybe add an ounce in the morning?
Make sure you are right on time if not even a little early for it! could probably help!

Good Luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only work with multiples and by this age yes they all are on a feeding and nap schedule and no we don't vary for the first 2 to 2.5 yrs (obviously we more eating times and sleeping times with growth). So yes I agree with MB.

Hard to believe that one size always fits all, no matter what. Which philosophy is that?

[Anonymous]

I am OP. I agree that a child by 4 months should be eating every 4 hours. The schedule is just fine. We got past that but now my charge has double ear infections. He's having difficulty eating because the sucking hurts. The pediatrician told MB to cut the feedings in half ( 3-4 every 2 hours) until it clears a little because he is in so much pain. MB agreed with the doctor but absolutely refused once we were home. Age literally made me force feed him 7oz. I literally wanted to break into tears. MBs reasoning is that she doesn't want my charge to get used to eating every 2hrs so we are going off his schedule. Last night she put him to bed at 8 ( last feed at 7:30) with only 4.5oz to eat. He woke up crying but she didnt want to feed him during the night bcuz he will " become dependent on it". So he had to wait until 7:30am to eat.

I'm all for keeping a schedule ( I love them!) but I can't see her logic. Schedules can't always be followed wheh they are sick. I am at my breaking point and about to quit over this. I can't sit through another feeding with him crying in that much pain and MB refusing to compromise. I suggested 3 hours between feeds got the next few days but she said no. He eats 7:30, 11:30, 3:30 and 7:30. She refuses to go off of it, regardless for the reason.

[Anonymous]

then I say get a new job. many people have said they agree with MB (both MBs and nannies). you seem like you need a job where you have more control (even though it seems somewhat silly)

[Anonymous]

THen you should find another job OP.

Whether or not we agree with you or the mother doesn't really matter because it's her child and she gets to set the rules. She sounds quite firm in her convictions and if you can't feel comfortable working with that then you should move on. It's just a job. She'll have to deal with whether or not her approach works for her child, you only have to decide whether or not to stay in the job.

On another matter, re a schedule and specifically the feedback of 23:09 and 20:50, I am a mother of twins and I wholeheartedly agree with 23:09. The schedule works - makes life calm for the whole family, and is a huge benefit to the babies. Unless a child has special needs, or is sick, kids do perfectly well on a set schedule. There is a reason that there are sleep and feeding schedules that apply to the vast majority of kids - because most kids need the same things, at the same time, at the same developmental schedules.

A double ear infection could absolutely call for some temporary adjustments, but schedules work.

[Anonymous]

Agree with your MB. You clearly don't have much experience with sleep training or schedules.

[Anonymous]

Report them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Report them.

+100 Absolutely. That last post is quite disturbing!! The MB's rigidity--even when sick? If it really were a "conviction," why did she lie to the doctor? And letting him go all night on 4.5 ounces? Not wanting a child to be dependent is ridiculous. That's what babies and children are--dependant. These kinds of things are forms of abuse. And, I believe in schedules as well. But there is a lot of expressed expectation that the baby fit into the grown up's world, at all costs. Nooooo, it's moreso the other way around until they get toward closer toward toddler stage.

I'm only stating this if I were in the nanny role in this situation. I would get a new position. And, I would do an Internet search of the local CPS agency's definition of forms of child abuse. While working during the notice period... Then tactfully explain to MB that as a childcare professional, I must be cautious to follow the state CPS' care parameters, in addition to parental instructions. But you need to have others as solid references, and a discreetly truthful reason last employer is not listed as a reference. Again, this is just me.

[Anonymous]

CPS told me this sort of thing is neglect. Parents who want to do this better not hire a nanny!!