Hard to be the employers we want to be

[Anonymous]

Did she say why she needs six weeks? She should at least help you find someone you can count on. And please, DO NOT give her any money, beyond her earned vacation money, until she gets back. Right?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

I'm a nanny whose employers recently did something similar (paid my full salary for a very long absence from work) and I can't really put into words what it means to me. Whatever you can do for her during this time I'm sure will be met with similar gratitude and an even deeper sense of loyalty and responsibility to your family than she already feels after two years together. If you can't afford to pay her for all of it, though, just knowing she has her job to return to is HUGE. Don't beat yourself up over what you can't manage.

Also does your child have any neighborhood friends? While I was off from work my charge spent a lot of days with one of his friends (and his nanny) in an impromptu nanny-share arrangement. This saved on cost and meant he was with familiar people going to familiar places every day. It might not be feasible for you, but it's an idea I wanted to throw out there. Even if it took you two weeks to organize it, that's four weeks you wouldn't have to pay the agency for.

Good luck, I'm sorry for your nanny's loss and the stress it's putting on your family, and thank you for being the kind of people who genuinely care about those around them. The ripple effect from that kind of generosity is great.

[Anonymous]

how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

This is completely uncalled for, and you know it.
Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like you have a kind and generous heart and an enormous amount of empathy to boot. And I totally get that while you want to do everything you can in your power to make this as easy as possible for your nanny, realistically, it just is going to be a huge hit in your pocketbook. It's completely understandable.

Losing a parent, most esp. a mother is very difficult and I am assuming even more so for your nanny considering she wasn't even in the country when the death occurred. So I do not think asking for six weeks is unreasonable. Not just to grieve, but when family unexpectedly passes, there are so many loose ends to tie up. Trust me, I know first hand as I have lost both parents.

OP, just the fact that you are saving her job for those six weeks is an act of kindness + goodwill on your part. To pay her for those six weeks is not completely necessary or expected however. I would only pay her for two or three weeks if you can swing it, if not, at least one week for sure.

I am sure your nanny will understand the financial strain it will be on your family having to pay her full salary along w/another full-time salary as well as agency fees. I know I would if I were in her shoes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your kind, and wise, words. I really appreciate the input, especially from the nannies.

And 19:39 is just "keeping it real" for DCUM so I can take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your kind, and wise, words. I really appreciate the input, especially from the nannies.

And 19:39 is just "keeping it real" for DCUM so I can take it.

19:45 here. I wish you and your children the very best.

[Anonymous]

OP! Do you have any backup care benefits through your job? Does your job (or your husband's or partner's) offer backup care at all? If so, call and find out what it is. Perhaps your child could go to a backup childcare center (at very little cost to you) for these 6 weeks, or for some of those weeks (for this long you might need to get an OK from your company, but often they'll do it for just these types of reasons). Or they can work with a backup nanny agency to find someone to come in, again at less than it would cost if you went through an agency on your own.

And if you think you don't have it, check it with your HR manager anyway, because often employees don't know about all those benefits they don't use very often. And have your husband check with HR, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

Nanny here. And some of you should be out of jobs because of your behavior on here. If I was an MB and knew my nanny was a rude, mean girl online id fire her since I wouldn't want her influencing my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

Nanny here. And some of you should be out of jobs because of your behavior on here. If I was an MB and knew my nanny was a rude, mean girl online id fire her since I wouldn't want her influencing my kids.

Exactly. Fire the nanny because of her off-duty commentary that you don't quite appreciate. So classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

Nanny here. And some of you should be out of jobs because of your behavior on here. If I was an MB and knew my nanny was a rude, mean girl online id fire her since I wouldn't want her influencing my kids.

Exactly. Fire the nanny because of her off-duty commentary that you don't quite appreciate. So classic.

People don't just switch personalities when you go online. Like I said, I'm a nanny and am embarrassed how these nannies portray those in our profession. Nannies are meant to be role models to our charges. Half the nannies on here are anything but that and I think that's very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

Nanny here. And some of you should be out of jobs because of your behavior on here. If I was an MB and knew my nanny was a rude, mean girl online id fire her since I wouldn't want her influencing my kids.

Exactly. Fire the nanny because of her off-duty commentary that you don't quite appreciate. So classic.

People don't just switch personalities when you go online. Like I said, I'm a nanny and am embarrassed how these nannies portray those in our profession. Nannies are meant to be role models to our charges. Half the nannies on here are anything but that and I think that's very sad.

If you were a nanny, you'd know better and take your head out of the sand. You'd know and admit the fact that lots of parents who hire nannies, are highly disfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how inconsiderate of her mother to die! Even worse, her daughter, your unfortunate nanny, has the unmitigated gall to want to attend her funeral and be with her family, leaving you to actually attempt to be a parent to your child. Poor you, you should fire her. How dare she think her needs at the DEATH OF HER MOTHER, supersedes your selfish needs.

If the mother is already dead, spending six weeks in the country where she lived won't bring her back. Everybody wants to be with family, including the OP. But some people need to work.

All of us work, thank you.

Nanny here. And some of you should be out of jobs because of your behavior on here. If I was an MB and knew my nanny was a rude, mean girl online id fire her since I wouldn't want her influencing my kids.

Exactly. Fire the nanny because of her off-duty commentary that you don't quite appreciate. So classic.

People don't just switch personalities when you go online. Like I said, I'm a nanny and am embarrassed how these nannies portray those in our profession. Nannies are meant to be role models to our charges. Half the nannies on here are anything but that and I think that's very sad.

If you were a nanny, you'd know better and take your head out of the sand. You'd know and admit the fact that lots of parents who hire nannies, are highly disfunctional.

But that's not what we are talking about here. This OP sounds very kind and generous. And yet some nanny (you?) still attacks her just because she's an MB. It's sad.

Also, I never said parents are always perfect. Not once. But that doesn't mean it's ok for nannies to attack an MB who seems pretty nice and functional.