Can you keep a secret? -- Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny, and I do not think we should tell children to hide things from their parents - especially if it's our own poor performance. There's been times I did not bring something minor up to the parents. But if the children had told them, I don't think I have a right to hide anything outright. A nanny lives and dies by her trustworthiness. Big lies start with little lies. If you're okay to tell a child to lie about dinner, what will she be lying about next - how a hole got in the wall, the nanny's guests when on duty? Nannies like this result in parents pointing nanny cams at nannies like me.

Of course, surprises for birthday and Christmas are exceptions to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you sound very immature

I hope she got that by now. I'd like to think that she won't be doing that nonsense any more. But hey, I bet she's terrific buddies with the kids. And that's EXACTLY what some parents want. It's true. I've seen them.

I think this thread is an excellent example to illustrate to parents why you need the nanny to be your "partner" here, not a "playmate" type for your kid. I understand that some parents may not share my view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here that sees both sides of this. I think I can relate to OP as she seems like a laid back nanny working for a laid back family which is my situation as well.

Personally, I wouldn't do this as I feel like modeling secrets and "white lies" is something for the parents to do and not the Nanny, however close you are with the family.

However, I think people are really coming down hard on her. She may otherwise be a terrific nanny and we all have made errors along the way. Can't we just be like: "OP, it's great that you have such a close relationship with your charges, but I can see how that could backfire, so maybe consider another way of handling it "

Any laid back family wouldn't mind if dinner got burnt and they had mac and cheese. Even a more strict family could understand that this might happen now and then. Best thing to do is tell them dinner got burnt (anytime you are watching kids and having to cook at the same time, it has the potential to not come out so great) and that you had to do a quick and easy substitute instead. Figure out the reason why it did happen (you got too involved in a kids game, weren't paying attention to a timer, etc) and then work on that. While I sometimes cut it close with getting dinner on time due to the kids, I have never burnt dinner and while I can see it happening, if it is happening more than once (how often?) I might start to question that.

[Anonymous]

I would never tell the children I take care of to keep a secret from their parents. It is unprofessional.

We do not teach children to keep secrets from their parents. There are many reasons why.

OP, you need to find yourself a new career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never tell the children I take care of to keep a secret from their parents. It is unprofessional.

We do not teach children to keep secrets from their parents. There are many reasons why.

OP, you need to find yourself a new career.

Don't you know parents who want this type of buddy-buddy relationship between their child and the caregiver?

[Anonymous]

OP, your issue is that you are on that awful nanny page to begin with. It's full of nannies that are so into themselves that it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who's used the "Do you like me being your nanny? Yes? Then let's not tell mom I burnt supper and we ate mac n chz AGAIN, k? K." Haha. I love that my charges love me enough to keep and share secrets.

On a Facebook nanny group called Nanny Tribe, I was told that I was wrong and that keeping a secret likens my to a molester because that is the same word they use. What do you think?

Yes, you are very wrong. I am a former nanny and would never, in a million years, ask my charges to keep a secret from their parents. That's wrong on so many levels.

1) Children should never be asked to keep a secret from their parents.
2) You're making the children feel like there will be consequences if they don't keep the secret (being fired).
3) If you were fired (which you should be), the children would feel like it was their fault.

Stop it, OP. It's wrong and extraordinarily immature. I would be so pissed if you were my nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who's used the "Do you like me being your nanny? Yes? Then let's not tell mom I burnt supper and we ate mac n chz AGAIN, k? K." Haha. I love that my charges love me enough to keep and share secrets.

On a Facebook nanny group called Nanny Tribe, I was told that I was wrong and that keeping a secret likens my to a molester because that is the same word they use. What do you think?

Yes, you are very wrong. I am a former nanny and would never, in a million years, ask my charges to keep a secret from their parents. That's wrong on so many levels.

1) Children should never be asked to keep a secret from their parents.
2) You're making the children feel like there will be consequences if they don't keep the secret (being fired).
3) If you were fired (which you should be), the children would feel like it was their fault.

Stop it, OP. It's wrong and extraordinarily immature. I would be so pissed if you were my nanny.

Oh, and you are also teaching them that trivial mistakes should be lied about. You know, as opposed to being honest and not lying about things to save face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never tell the children I take care of to keep a secret from their parents. It is unprofessional.

We do not teach children to keep secrets from their parents. There are many reasons why.

OP, you need to find yourself a new career.

Don't you know parents who want this type of buddy-buddy relationship between their child and the caregiver?

That's pathetic!

[Anonymous]

MB here. Please don't do that. I don't want my daughter feeling like she has control and power over whether or not you have a job. That's too much for a child.

P.S. My kids can't lie for shit. If they try to tell me they ate one thing for dinner when they really had another, I'll know, and push them until they crack. You'd be creating a problem where there didn't have to be one. If you're a shit cook, let me know and we'll deal with it. If you had a problem with dinner one night and subbed in something else, I'd understand - it happens to everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP I would NOT tell the kids to keep secrets. That's a sure way to lose trust. Why would mac n cheese burn, aren't you supposed to be WATCHING the oven/stove area. Then to have kids lie about it.. No, unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry but what you did is extremely unprofessional and not something I'd brag about on a FB group or on a public forum like DCUM.

I'm a nanny of 10+ years and would never think to ask a child to keep a secret from their parents, whether it be over something stupid like eating mac and cheese for dinner or something serious. You have a lot of growing up to do but in the meantime, you should try to focus on being a positive role model to the children you nanny for.

Honesty is the best policy no matter what. If you were my child's nanny and I found out that you were asking them to hide things from me you would be fired immediately without any severance or a reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I would never tell the kids not to tell mom. Or dad. I think it's disrespectful to the parents and sends the kids the wrong message. I don't think anyone should tell kids to keep anything from their parents... barring a gift (which will eventually be revealed).

+1 It is completely unprofessional. I think OP is a troll. No professional nanny would say blackmale a child and say "do you like me being your nanny"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I would never tell the kids not to tell mom. Or dad. I think it's disrespectful to the parents and sends the kids the wrong message. I don't think anyone should tell kids to keep anything from their parents... barring a gift (which will eventually be revealed).

+1 It is completely unprofessional. I think OP is a troll. No professional nanny would say blackmale a child and say "do you like me being your nanny"

Some parents don't want a professional nanny. They don't want to deal with the increased responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, OP isn't a troll because her post was also on a Facebook nanny support group where her name was attached to this story and it's true...I don't know her but she's obviously an idiot and unprofessional.