Saw father hit 4 year old

[Anonymous]

OP, my heart goes out to you being put in this position. If I were you, I'd tell my MB that at the very least this father needs to enroll in a parenting class. That should help him with his erroneous expectations of a 4 yr. old child.

I'd say that either I could convey this to his wife or she can. Ideally, the father would take some anger exploration and management classes. I would not be surprised if he himself was a battered child. That's often (not always) the case.

This is just a place to start.
Bless you for caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my heart goes out to you being put in this position. If I were you, I'd tell my MB that at the very least this father needs to enroll in a parenting class. That should help him with his erroneous expectations of a 4 yr. old child.

I'd say that either I could convey this to his wife or she can. Ideally, the father would take some anger exploration and management classes. I would not be surprised if he himself was a battered child. That's often (not always) the case.

This is just a place to start.
Bless you for caring.

So a nanny tells her MB that she thinks some other child's parent needs a parenting class. What is the MB supposed to do about that?

Of course OP cares. Anyone with half a heart would care. That doesn't change the fact that she is in no position to do anything about it besides offer a loving adult presence to the man's daughter and, I suppose, make an inquiring call to CPS if she feels it warrants that. Her MB isn't exactly going to go and demand this guy take a class though, is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do consider what I saw abusive. It was not a spanking. It was a hard slap in the face. I've witnessed this same dad speak to both his daughters (8 &4) in what I consider emotionally/verbally abusive way, though their mother and PT nanny are both kind to both kids- I don't know if they know about the slapping but they know about the way he talks to them. My Bosses are great people, great parents and I am shocked they aren't taking what I saw more seriously.

Puts me in a tough spot. I will talk to MB again.

WHAT IS YOUR MB SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?

HOW is she supposed to take it "more seriously"? She didn't see anything, she isn't a witness to anything, what do you expect her to do exactly? Jesus. If you feel like it was abuse, call CPS and inquire. Your MB is not a part of this drama, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my heart goes out to you being put in this position. If I were you, I'd tell my MB that at the very least this father needs to enroll in a parenting class. That should help him with his erroneous expectations of a 4 yr. old child.

I'd say that either I could convey this to his wife or she can. Ideally, the father would take some anger exploration and management classes. I would not be surprised if he himself was a battered child. That's often (not always) the case.

This is just a place to start.
Bless you for caring.

So a nanny tells her MB that she thinks some other child's parent needs a parenting class. What is the MB supposed to do about that?

Of course OP cares. Anyone with half a heart would care. That doesn't change the fact that she is in no position to do anything about it besides offer a loving adult presence to the man's daughter and, I suppose, make an inquiring call to CPS if she feels it warrants that. Her MB isn't exactly going to go and demand this guy take a class though, is she?

What's your experience with child abuse, 11:20?

[Anonymous]

In response to 11:21, while I'm not expecting MB to call
CPS or report abuse she did not see herself, I guess I do expect her to not want to put her children around someone who would do that, which is all I basically asked- that we remove ourselves from socializing with this family.

Also, is it really necessary to be so mean in response to a post? Is this where people go to hide behind an a computer and say things they wouldn't say to someone's face? I appreciate your point of view. Probably would be better received if you were nicer about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my heart goes out to you being put in this position. If I were you, I'd tell my MB that at the very least this father needs to enroll in a parenting class. That should help him with his erroneous expectations of a 4 yr. old child.

I'd say that either I could convey this to his wife or she can. Ideally, the father would take some anger exploration and management classes. I would not be surprised if he himself was a battered child. That's often (not always) the case.

This is just a place to start.
Bless you for caring.

So a nanny tells her MB that she thinks some other child's parent needs a parenting class. What is the MB supposed to do about that?

Of course OP cares. Anyone with half a heart would care. That doesn't change the fact that she is in no position to do anything about it besides offer a loving adult presence to the man's daughter and, I suppose, make an inquiring call to CPS if she feels it warrants that. Her MB isn't exactly going to go and demand this guy take a class though, is she?

What's your experience with child abuse, 11:20?

Not sure how my experience is relevant. I'd like to see you answer the questions I posed before I share any personal details, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to 11:21, while I'm not expecting MB to call
CPS or report abuse she did not see herself, I guess I do expect her to not want to put her children around someone who would do that, which is all I basically asked- that we remove ourselves from socializing with this family.

Also, is it really necessary to be so mean in response to a post? Is this where people go to hide behind an a computer and say things they wouldn't say to someone's face? I appreciate your point of view. Probably would be better received if you were nicer about it.

Again you repeat that you want to remove this girl from your charge's circle of friends.

How is that not punishing this man's daughter, who clearly needs all the love and support she can get, or your own charge, who's also done nothing wrong and wouldn't understand why she's not allowed to see this friend any more?

You all just sound so incredibly ignorant and inflammatory. Of course child abuse is wrong. Of course. Of course you should report it to the authorities if you think it warrants that. But trying to force your MB to cut a little girl out of her daughter's life is an incredibly bizarre and unprofessional reaction and I am baffled that so many people think your MB has any power at all in this situation. She doesn't; YOU do. You are the witness. If you want to do something, DO SOMETHING, don't try to pressure your MB into making a decision she's clearly uncomfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do consider what I saw abusive. It was not a spanking. It was a hard slap in the face. I've witnessed this same dad speak to both his daughters (8 &4) in what I consider emotionally/verbally abusive way, though their mother and PT nanny are both kind to both kids- I don't know if they know about the slapping but they know about the way he talks to them. My Bosses are great people, great parents and I am shocked they aren't taking what I saw more seriously.

Puts me in a tough spot. I will talk to MB again.

WHAT IS YOUR MB SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?

HOW is she supposed to take it "more seriously"? She didn't see anything, she isn't a witness to anything, what do you expect her to do exactly? Jesus. If you feel like it was abuse, call CPS and inquire. Your MB is not a part of this drama, though.

MB isn't "SUPPOSED" to do anything, unless she cares and decides it's important enough to at least have a discussion with the mother of the abused child. I would have that expectation of any employer.

If not, and I was the person who witnessed the abuse, I'd talk with the mother of the abused child myself, about the abuser getting help. If everyone is too afraid or uncomfortable to talk with the family about getting help on their own, go ahead and give CPS a call.

That will start some real "drama", 11:21, but do what you gotta do.

Just don't do nothing here, OP. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Protectig MBs kids is my priority. I guess I simply don't understand why it doesn't appear to be MBs. Would you want your child around someone who slaps 4 year olds?

I don't mean to punish this guys daughter- I understand that it would probably hurt her more but my priorities are the kids I care for. Do I think this guy would hit them? Probably not. Do I want to risk that? Absolutely not. Who wants their kid subjected to someone who hits their own child?

It is up to me on whether to contact CPS. I'm not asking MB for input or help in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Talking to the wife of the abuser is not going to do anything. Nor is trying to reason with the abuser. Suggesting he take a parenting class is only going to piss him off, and who is his scapegoat??? This little girl needs support, OP, not further isolation. Continue the play dates, but report it to CPS. The goal of CPS is keeping families together and helping them to be less dysfunctional. He slapped his child and that's not okay. It should be reported, no ifs ands or buts about it. Report it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do consider what I saw abusive. It was not a spanking. It was a hard slap in the face. I've witnessed this same dad speak to both his daughters (8 &4) in what I consider emotionally/verbally abusive way, though their mother and PT nanny are both kind to both kids- I don't know if they know about the slapping but they know about the way he talks to them. My Bosses are great people, great parents and I am shocked they aren't taking what I saw more seriously.

Puts me in a tough spot. I will talk to MB again.

WHAT IS YOUR MB SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?

HOW is she supposed to take it "more seriously"? She didn't see anything, she isn't a witness to anything, what do you expect her to do exactly? Jesus. If you feel like it was abuse, call CPS and inquire. Your MB is not a part of this drama, though.

MB isn't "SUPPOSED" to do anything, unless she cares and decides it's important enough to at least have a discussion with the mother of the abused child. I would have that expectation of any employer.

If not, and I was the person who witnessed the abuse, I'd talk with the mother of the abused child myself, about the abuser getting help. If everyone is too afraid or uncomfortable to talk with the family about getting help on their own, go ahead and give CPS a call.

That will start some real "drama", 11:21, but do what you gotta do.

Just don't do nothing here, OP. Hugs.

Firstly, how do you know the MB didn't talk to the other child's mother? Would love some evidence on that front. Is it because she didn't tell the nanny that she did? Perhaps it was a confidential conversation and the other mother shared some things - dad is a recovering alcohol, in anger management, still loses his temper, she's so sorry nanny witnessed it - that MB thought would be inappropriate to tell her nanny. Perhaps MB has decided that having more people around the kids is the best way to keep an eye on the situation - certainly removing them from a social circle is how kids end up abused with no one left to report it.

I've been a mandated reporter before. I've even been deposed. I have seen horrific things and jumped through hoops to try and get those children some protection. And I still can't understand the misdirected histrionics on this forum. Yes, OP has the right and the capacity to call CPS. This incident doesn't meet their five criteria but it will go on file in case something else were to happen down the line. Yes, OP has the right to talk to the father (or the mother) of the girl about what she saw. She should do that if she's compelled to. But waiting for her MB to "handle" something she wasn't a witness of? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Protectig MBs kids is my priority. I guess I simply don't understand why it doesn't appear to be MBs. Would you want your child around someone who slaps 4 year olds?

I don't mean to punish this guys daughter- I understand that it would probably hurt her more but my priorities are the kids I care for. Do I think this guy would hit them? Probably not. Do I want to risk that? Absolutely not. Who wants their kid subjected to someone who hits their own child?

It is up to me on whether to contact CPS. I'm not asking MB for input or help in that regard.

Sorry OP, perhaps I misread, are you suggesting that MB wants you to leave your charge(s) on an unsupervised playdate with this man?

I understood that you would be there. If so, you're just being dramatic for no reason because obviously he's not going to hit any kids while you're there. If I'm wrong and you're supposed to leave the girls alone with him, yeah, I'd be uncomfortable with that. But anything short of it? GROW UP and handle it. That you're even suggesting MB's priority is not the safety of her children is disgusting; of course that's her #1 priority in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Protectig MBs kids is my priority. I guess I simply don't understand why it doesn't appear to be MBs. Would you want your child around someone who slaps 4 year olds?

I don't mean to punish this guys daughter- I understand that it would probably hurt her more but my priorities are the kids I care for. Do I think this guy would hit them? Probably not. Do I want to risk that? Absolutely not. Who wants their kid subjected to someone who hits their own child?

It is up to me on whether to contact CPS. I'm not asking MB for input or help in that regard.

You don't understand how abuse works. This guy isn't going to slap your charges, he wouldn't even have hit his kid if he knew you would see it. Abusers hurt those they have control over, and in private. They work hard to look like the perfect person in public. Protecting all kids should be everyone's priority. If you don't say something about what you saw, who will? What if there's more to this than what you saw? How will you feel if you find out something awful happened to the girl or that family, and you kept your mouth shut?

[Anonymous]

You sound unhinged, 12:04.

[Anonymous]

The abuser is in a state of rage. If he's not forced into getting help, it will keep getting worse. No one knows for sure where it'll stop.