Nanny has too high expectations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She calmly says things like "talk to me nicely" or "do you have something to say?" I just feel like it is to pushy.

She is modeling good manners and teaching the kids to speak politely and calmly to herself. This is a good thing. It is something they should have learned long before they were 6 and 8 years old. I am teaching my 2 and 3 year old charges the same things and they pretty consistently meet the expectations. At 2 and 3, I'll often rephrase the request and they will try again.

I personally don't really like the direction to 'adjust your attitude' because I don't think it is clear enough to the child what the problem is, I would rather ask a child to talk to me nicely like you said she does.

Anyway, I don't think those are unreasonable standards to have for your kids at all, especially if many pre-schoolers are learning these things, as you can see from me and the other responses in this thread.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

What is the problem with "adjust your attitude". A kid knows that he/she is being cocky or downright rude.

If Larla is yelling across the room "give me water!!" and you say to adjust your attitude, I think she will quickly address what is wrong and she knows it.

[Anonymous]

It's called respect for other people. OP, do you want your children to be respectful or rude little jackasses? If your kids are 6/8 and don't use proper manners than you dropped the ball a long way back. i know two year olds that ask politely with phrases like "may I please have my milk". As soon as my charges are capable of signing they learn to sign please and thank you. I also tell them if they want something they need to use calm words or signs rather than scream in my face.

[Anonymous]

And to think I felt bad when a previous MB asked me to ignore any request that didn't start with may I or could I please and they were 4.

If I feel a charge is asking for something with an attitude I tell them to count to ten and try again.

[Anonymous]

I would never allow my child to tell any adult to do something. "Turn on the tv"? If my 4 year old said that to the nanny or hell, to ANYONE, even their peer, they would get a HUGE talking-to about being polite, speaking kindly, and they would be sent to their room and not allowed to watch any more tv that day.

OP, in the remote case this is not a fake post, you need to get your head on straight. Your nanny is doing you a HUGE favor.

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real!!! Someone hired a nanny and they do not want the nanny to teach manners and resect? Unbelievable, seriously.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you sound like my old boss! Children learn through repetition and modeling. That is what she is doing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She forces the kids to say "please" and "thank you". If they ask for something she will say, "and what do you say?" And wait till they say "please". Same song and dance for "thank you". I think that she is putting too much stress on them as we don't push formality in our home. She also says things like "adjust your attitude then ask me". Heard her saying this today. My son was saying "turn on the tv". Should I talk to her about her behavior towards the kids? They are only 6 and 8.

That is not formality, that is called having manners. A 2 yr old can start to learn having manners, your 6 and 8 yr old should have no problem with it. You don't want to end up with rude and arrogant (thinking others will do things for you) children which is what could happen if they never learn to ask someone to do something (instead of demanding) or learn how to say please and thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She calmly says things like "talk to me nicely" or "do you have something to say?" I just feel like it is to pushy.

That is not pushy at all. Your children seem pushy/demanding with their words and she is trying to get them to learn some respect and how to be polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you do when your son tells you, "turn on the tv"?

OP?
Seems to me your nanny is due for a $100. bonus, or whatever you can afford.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Is it her teaching the children manners or the way in which she is speaking to the children that is bothering you? Ther is nothing wrong with teaching manners and respect for others, but if it is the way she is doing it, then speak with her about the way she talks to the children.

NP

[Anonymous]

Control freaks should do it themselves, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem with "adjust your attitude". A kid knows that he/she is being cocky or downright rude.

If Larla is yelling across the room "give me water!!" and you say to adjust your attitude, I think she will quickly address what is wrong and she knows it.

+1 the kids I nanny are 5 and 7 and they absolutely know what I mean by adjust your attitude. I always say it nicely and calmly (ie "adjust your attitude please" or "if you'd like to do X then I think you need to adjust your attitude") and it sounds like op's nanny is similarly clm when reinforcing manners with the kids.

[Anonymous]

MB here - OP, I really disagree with you and think your nanny is doing a great job. If you don't want your kids to learn good manners that's certainly your choice, but I would want my nanny doing EXACTLY these kinds of things w/ my kids.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I used to nanny for school aged children, and we had plenty of conversations about what it means to "drop the attitude". When they were young, we'd make it a little game to break the stressful situation up and grab the "attitude" out of their pockets and "drop" it on the floor. They absolutely understood and eventually, as they got older, all I'd have to say was "attitude".