Nannies being micromanaged...

[Anonymous]

You know you are being micromanaged when your bosses call/text you throughout the day, every working day. Worse..if they do so on your days off. Also, if they actually tell you what you can and cannot say to their child and ask you to adhere to a certain schedule, written by them. If they instruct you what shape to cut the veggies in and/or interrupt you when you are telling the child something.

As a working nanny w/many years of experience, let me tell you about 85% of my jobs have had parents who do this to me.
And I ALWAYS get fed up and eventually quit.

I like jobs that allow me 100% autonomy.
I hate jobs where the parents spends so much energy telling me what to and not to do that I sometimes want to tell them to just stay home and raise their own damn child!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Defining:

Mb would tell me DAILY when to change diapers, feed, put down to nap, go on a walk, etc. I already knew the schedule. It was the same daily. I had to log every single thing and she remind me to log every single day. I nicely tried to remind her I FUCKING KNEW WHAT TO DO but she didn't listen. She would be 5 feet away when I was on my break eating lunch (nap time). She would tell me when I should grab a book, go take them on the porch, etc. 99% of the time for 6 months. I ran away so fucking fast & IM HAPPY! I miss the babies but never again.

I do not micromanage like in the above example, I agree that is too much. And I did not micromanage my last part time nanny. But yes, I find myself micromanaging my current pt nanny because she does not seem to know what to do as I thought she would. I hate micromanaging, and would prefer to take a step back. But I am trying to make things work with this nanny, and she just doesn't seem to know what to do a lot of the time and does things very differently. She is pt, not full time, so I am the primary caretaker.

So in some situations it does sound like some MBs are just overbearing, but maybe some of the nannies being micromanaged (especially those with less years of experience) are being micromanaged for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defining:

Mb would tell me DAILY when to change diapers, feed, put down to nap, go on a walk, etc. I already knew the schedule. It was the same daily. I had to log every single thing and she remind me to log every single day. I nicely tried to remind her I FUCKING KNEW WHAT TO DO but she didn't listen. She would be 5 feet away when I was on my break eating lunch (nap time). She would tell me when I should grab a book, go take them on the porch, etc. 99% of the time for 6 months. I ran away so fucking fast & IM HAPPY! I miss the babies but never again.

I do not micromanage like in the above example, I agree that is too much. And I did not micromanage my last part time nanny. But yes, I find myself micromanaging my current pt nanny because she does not seem to know what to do as I thought she would. I hate micromanaging, and would prefer to take a step back. But I am trying to make things work with this nanny, and she just doesn't seem to know what to do a lot of the time and does things very differently. She is pt, not full time, so I am the primary caretaker.

So in some situations it does sound like some MBs are just overbearing, but maybe some of the nannies being micromanaged (especially those with less years of experience) are being micromanaged for a reason.

As an MB with a PT nanny I agree with the MB above. I have had to repeatedly reiterate when to put my kids down for naps because they respond best to a schedule that shifts slightly every day and even though I've explained it to my nanny she doesn't always follow it and I see the consequences. She has asked me to tell her what to make for meals and how much. I've come home to a few too many diaper rashes on my littlest when she doesn't get them with me not to say something. I would be fine if she told me that she's seen enough of the meal options and can start doing them on her own. I always accept her input on the nap schedule and if what she did worked all the time I'd be glad to stop mentioning what I do that does work. I don't care when diapers are changed as long as I come home to clean, rash-free kids. My kids adore her and she is very loving and caring, just a little spacey sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defining:

Mb would tell me DAILY when to change diapers, feed, put down to nap, go on a walk, etc. I already knew the schedule. It was the same daily. I had to log every single thing and she remind me to log every single day. I nicely tried to remind her I FUCKING KNEW WHAT TO DO but she didn't listen. She would be 5 feet away when I was on my break eating lunch (nap time). She would tell me when I should grab a book, go take them on the porch, etc. 99% of the time for 6 months. I ran away so fucking fast & IM HAPPY! I miss the babies but never again.

I do not micromanage like in the above example, I agree that is too much. And I did not micromanage my last part time nanny. But yes, I find myself micromanaging my current pt nanny because she does not seem to know what to do as I thought she would. I hate micromanaging, and would prefer to take a step back. But I am trying to make things work with this nanny, and she just doesn't seem to know what to do a lot of the time and does things very differently. She is pt, not full time, so I am the primary caretaker.

So in some situations it does sound like some MBs are just overbearing, but maybe some of the nannies being micromanaged (especially those with less years of experience) are being micromanaged for a reason.

As an MB with a PT nanny I agree with the MB above. I have had to repeatedly reiterate when to put my kids down for naps because they respond best to a schedule that shifts slightly every day and even though I've explained it to my nanny she doesn't always follow it and I see the consequences. She has asked me to tell her what to make for meals and how much. I've come home to a few too many diaper rashes on my littlest when she doesn't get them with me not to say something. I would be fine if she told me that she's seen enough of the meal options and can start doing them on her own. I always accept her input on the nap schedule and if what she did worked all the time I'd be glad to stop mentioning what I do that does work. I don't care when diapers are changed as long as I come home to clean, rash-free kids. My kids adore her and she is very loving and caring, just a little spacey sometimes.

I am the PP you quoted above. If my nanny worked for another family I would think we had the same nanny! I agree, if what nanny was doing worked, I wouldn't micromanage. You really describe my nanny and situation with her exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defining:

Mb would tell me DAILY when to change diapers, feed, put down to nap, go on a walk, etc. I already knew the schedule. It was the same daily. I had to log every single thing and she remind me to log every single day. I nicely tried to remind her I FUCKING KNEW WHAT TO DO but she didn't listen. She would be 5 feet away when I was on my break eating lunch (nap time). She would tell me when I should grab a book, go take them on the porch, etc. 99% of the time for 6 months. I ran away so fucking fast & IM HAPPY! I miss the babies but never again.

I do not micromanage like in the above example, I agree that is too much. And I did not micromanage my last part time nanny. But yes, I find myself micromanaging my current pt nanny because she does not seem to know what to do as I thought she would. I hate micromanaging, and would prefer to take a step back. But I am trying to make things work with this nanny, and she just doesn't seem to know what to do a lot of the time and does things very differently. She is pt, not full time, so I am the primary caretaker.

So in some situations it does sound like some MBs are just overbearing, but maybe some of the nannies being micromanaged (especially those with less years of experience) are being micromanaged for a reason.

THIS! I agree that some moms are overbearing. If I had to tell a nanny when to change a diaper I'd be looking for a new nanny.

But soooo many nannies think they know best just because they do this for a living. The truth is, very few of them have any real training in early childhood development, and most (certainly not all, but most) don't know how to encourage a child's development in the various core areas. They take their charges our for playdates and watch them play with toys and think that makes them great at what they do.

Nannies, you need to understand that most working mothers in DC (and I'm sure many other cities) are highly educated and highly motivated to excel in every area of their lives. Many of us babysat or worked at camps, etc. when we were younger. Many of us know as much or more about childcare as the average nanny. If we don't, we teach ourselves by reading and consulting with others, using the same drive that helped us figure out how to navigate college, grad school and the professional world with success. The notion on this board that moms are clueless and that nannies know what is best for our kids is absurd.

Most moms who lay out a schedule for their nannies are trying to ensure that the nanny is using her time with the child effectively, encouraging a full range of skills development and experiences. No manager wants to micromanage; it takes too much time away from other things the manager needs to do. They do it because we have not yet become convinced that the managee is ready to perform in manner expected without constant guidance. In fact, by definition, GOOD management is the ability to vary one's management style based on the skills and readiness of the managee. Typically, the mom will happily stop micromanaging as soon as has some reassurance that the nanny is performing as expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defining:

Mb would tell me DAILY when to change diapers, feed, put down to nap, go on a walk, etc. I already knew the schedule. It was the same daily. I had to log every single thing and she remind me to log every single day. I nicely tried to remind her I FUCKING KNEW WHAT TO DO but she didn't listen. She would be 5 feet away when I was on my break eating lunch (nap time). She would tell me when I should grab a book, go take them on the porch, etc. 99% of the time for 6 months. I ran away so fucking fast & IM HAPPY! I miss the babies but never again.

I do not micromanage like in the above example, I agree that is too much. And I did not micromanage my last part time nanny. But yes, I find myself micromanaging my current pt nanny because she does not seem to know what to do as I thought she would. I hate micromanaging, and would prefer to take a step back. But I am trying to make things work with this nanny, and she just doesn't seem to know what to do a lot of the time and does things very differently. She is pt, not full time, so I am the primary caretaker.

So in some situations it does sound like some MBs are just overbearing, but maybe some of the nannies being micromanaged (especially those with less years of experience) are being micromanaged for a reason.

THIS! I agree that some moms are overbearing. If I had to tell a nanny when to change a diaper I'd be looking for a new nanny.

But soooo many nannies think they know best just because they do this for a living. The truth is, very few of them have any real training in early childhood development, and most (certainly not all, but most) don't know how to encourage a child's development in the various core areas. They take their charges our for playdates and watch them play with toys and think that makes them great at what they do.

Nannies, you need to understand that most working mothers in DC (and I'm sure many other cities) are highly educated and highly motivated to excel in every area of their lives. Many of us babysat or worked at camps, etc. when we were younger. Many of us know as much or more about childcare as the average nanny. If we don't, we teach ourselves by reading and consulting with others, using the same drive that helped us figure out how to navigate college, grad school and the professional world with success. The notion on this board that moms are clueless and that nannies know what is best for our kids is absurd.

Most moms who lay out a schedule for their nannies are trying to ensure that the nanny is using her time with the child effectively, encouraging a full range of skills development and experiences. No manager wants to micromanage; it takes too much time away from other things the manager needs to do. They do it because we have not yet become convinced that the managee is ready to perform in manner expected without constant guidance. In fact, by definition, GOOD management is the ability to vary one's management style based on the skills and readiness of the managee. Typically, the mom will happily stop micromanaging as soon as has some reassurance that the nanny is performing as expected.

No serious nanny would categorize what you're describing as micromanaging, particularly if you take the time to train your (young? inexperienced?) nanny and are explicit in saying that the guidelines you've created are to ensure a range of developmental activities but are not set in stone if she has her own thoughts/ideas to bring to the table. Keeping that dialogue open, sharing thoughts and games and experiences, and being clear about what you want from your nanny are all great ways to outgrow the need for management too.

However, as nannies, I think we are in a better position to say what "typically" happens, and I can assure you that micromanaging MBs do not typically stop no matter what the nanny does/provides/shares. Managing your nanny (which is what you have described) and micromanaging your nanny are two VERY different things.

[Anonymous]

If you people had any clue what a nanny was, there'd be no need to manage her. But I guess that's how you feel like you're "parenting", from your downtown office.
Sitters need to be managed.
Nannies should know how to do their job.

[Anonymous]

If you people had any clue what a nanny was, there'd be no need to manage her. But I guess that's how you feel like you're "parenting", from your downtown office.
Sitters need to be managed.
Nannies should know how to do their job.

With an attitude like that, uh, nanny, you need a new profession. Your oversized ego and inability to be a reliable partner in the caring of children show that you can't be trusted or relied upon, both necessary conditions if you expect to have complete autonomy in your job.

You all seem to value complete autonomy.

If a nanny knows how to do her job, she has no need to be scornful and dismissmive of her employer, in her "downtown office". She would be open and willing to work with parents.

You, apparently, are worse than a sitter. You are a bitter sitter. Ugly. Truly, ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you people had any clue what a nanny was, there'd be no need to manage her. But I guess that's how you feel like you're "parenting", from your downtown office.
Sitters need to be managed.
Nannies should know how to do their job.

With an attitude like that, uh, nanny, you need a new profession. Your oversized ego and inability to be a reliable partner in the caring of children show that you can't be trusted or relied upon, both necessary conditions if you expect to have complete autonomy in your job.

You all seem to value complete autonomy.

If a nanny knows how to do her job, she has no need to be scornful and dismissmive of her employer, in her "downtown office". She would be open and willing to work with parents.

You, apparently, are worse than a sitter. You are a bitter sitter. Ugly. Truly, ugly.

Touched a nerve, have we?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you people had any clue what a nanny was, there'd be no need to manage her. But I guess that's how you feel like you're "parenting", from your downtown office.
Sitters need to be managed.
Nannies should know how to do their job.

With an attitude like that, uh, nanny, you need a new profession. Your oversized ego and inability to be a reliable partner in the caring of children show that you can't be trusted or relied upon, both necessary conditions if you expect to have complete autonomy in your job.

You all seem to value complete autonomy.

If a nanny knows how to do her job, she has no need to be scornful and dismissmive of her employer, in her "downtown office". She would be open and willing to work with parents.

You, apparently, are worse than a sitter. You are a bitter sitter. Ugly. Truly, ugly.

Touched a nerve, have we?

I'm a nanny and I agree with the above poster. You sound rude and disrespectful to toward the parents you work for and many nannies, particularly young ones, DO need to be managed. You should find a new job.

[Anonymous]

There are good nannies and bad nannies, and lots of mediocre nannies. There are also good sitters and bad sitters and lots of mediocre sitters. The job title does not mean a whole lot, frankly.

All sitters and nannies, including the experienced ones, need to be managed. Knowing how to take care of children does not mean you know how to do do your job, because knowing how to take care of someone else's children does not mean you know how to take care of your employer's children in the way she wants it done. It's quite simple: Her kids plus her payroll=her values and rules. The idea that true nannies should have complete autonomy is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are good nannies and bad nannies, and lots of mediocre nannies. There are also good sitters and bad sitters and lots of mediocre sitters. The job title does not mean a whole lot, frankly.

All sitters and nannies, including the experienced ones, need to be managed. Knowing how to take care of children does not mean you know how to do do your job, because knowing how to take care of someone else's children does not mean you know how to take care of your employer's children in the way she wants it done. It's quite simple: Her kids plus her payroll=her values and rules. The idea that true nannies should have complete autonomy is laughable.

I agree with you to a point (this notion of nannies deserving total autonomy is completely silly), but when you're talking about management being an issue of rules and values being followed, I feel like the majority of those things should be addressed before hiring so as to ensure a good working relationship and family fit. A good, experienced nanny who you can communicate openly with probably won't need much management because there won't be many issues which you need to intervene on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are good nannies and bad nannies, and lots of mediocre nannies. There are also good sitters and bad sitters and lots of mediocre sitters. The job title does not mean a whole lot, frankly.

All sitters and nannies, including the experienced ones, need to be managed. Knowing how to take care of children does not mean you know how to do do your job, because knowing how to take care of someone else's children does not mean you know how to take care of your employer's children in the way she wants it done. It's quite simple: Her kids plus her payroll=her values and rules. The idea that true nannies should have complete autonomy is laughable.

You know what you want, based on what? Your girlfriends, The View, or some actual knowledge and experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are good nannies and bad nannies, and lots of mediocre nannies. There are also good sitters and bad sitters and lots of mediocre sitters. The job title does not mean a whole lot, frankly.

All sitters and nannies, including the experienced ones, need to be managed. Knowing how to take care of children does not mean you know how to do do your job, because knowing how to take care of someone else's children does not mean you know how to take care of your employer's children in the way she wants it done. It's quite simple: Her kids plus her payroll=her values and rules. The idea that true nannies should have complete autonomy is laughable.

You know what you want, based on what? Your girlfriends, The View, or some actual knowledge and experience?

Possibly all of the above, plus instinct, intelligence, grandparents, siblings with kids, books, and experience babysitting or running youth recreational activities in our teen years.

In my experience, experience in the nanny field is way overrated. Some of the least impressive nannies I've encountered have tons of experience, and it has done nothing but make them jaded and set in their questionable ways. I value the nanny's personality, intelligence, social skills, mental stability, and formal training in child development much more. Especially personality, intelligence, mental stability, and social skills, because these are the things that my child will eventually start to mimic. Some of you nannies who think you know it all come across as so arrogant and mentally unhinged that I would never want my child in contact with you, for fear that she might pick up your hostile, "how dare you not be impressed by me" attitude.

And BTW, some of the best moms out there had no experience before having kids. It comes naturally to them because they were raised well, have good judgment, and are smart enough to teach themselves what they don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are good nannies and bad nannies, and lots of mediocre nannies. There are also good sitters and bad sitters and lots of mediocre sitters. The job title does not mean a whole lot, frankly.

All sitters and nannies, including the experienced ones, need to be managed. Knowing how to take care of children does not mean you know how to do do your job, because knowing how to take care of someone else's children does not mean you know how to take care of your employer's children in the way she wants it done. It's quite simple: Her kids plus her payroll=her values and rules. The idea that true nannies should have complete autonomy is laughable.

You know what you want, based on what? Your girlfriends, The View, or some actual knowledge and experience?

Not the quoted PP, but one of the MBs with a PT nanny above. I'm sorry you value neither your employers opinion nor her choice in friends. Do you also not value her choice in employees?

I know what I want based on the days I spend with my children (the majority of their waking hours and all of their nighttime ones), talking to trusted BTDT parents who've raised capable adults, people I know with experience and training in early childhood education, and my memories of how I was raised. Plus there's the reading I've done on childhood sleep, nutrition, discipline, and development. As my children grow and gain new skills my nanny and I need to circle back about how DH's and my parenting style now applies. New abilities mean new responsibilities, new freedoms, and new rules.