Perhaps this is not for me any longer

[Anonymous]

I have a right to be concerned about the emotional well being of their children. I kinda have to. I am there all the time. I actually don't make that awesome of a salary, but it's all right. It pays the bills. I just find this to be a pattern in the jobs I've had and trust me, they are not super high paying. I love the children and that is why I do it. However, I may have reached burn out or like others have suggested, perhaps I need to find employers who are more involved in their children's lives where I feel more like a compliment to them, not a substitute. And yes, they are harming their children...emotionally.

OP you may be completely wrong about these parents harming their children. My father worked crazy hours and was always traveling for business. He was very successful. I had a fantastic relationship with him. I was always really proud of him and the time that he did spend with me was high quality. The material aspects of having amazing vacations, not needing to take out student loans and just overall never needing to worry about money is something that made my childhood pretty amazing.

People who don't have these opportunities or have lived in this situation like to believe that everyone must unhappy. This just isn't the case.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but this is actually pretty normal I have been with my kids for 8 years and now that they are 10 and 12 the parents are a little more involved but to be honest I prefer the parents not to be involved it is the classic too many cooks in the kitchen and the kids behae better when the parents aren't involved. Maybe you are right this type of job isn't for you. My girls are way more like me than they are like their parents and I am perfectly happy with that. And don't get me wrong I LOVE both parents as people and we get on smashingly but as parents to be honest I think they were a little too old to have kids and have a hard time relating to them on their level which is why they hired me. I mean the dad wouldn't even go on family vacations unless I came with them because it was too stressful.

[Anonymous]

People who make excuses for this family is ridiculous...they dont deserve kids

[Anonymous]

Our nanny wanted to work with us precisely because we *are* so fully engaged with our kids - that is the kind of family she was looking for. I work from home and this has not been an issue for her as it can often be convenient (she has reasonable hours) / helfpul (getting the kids out the door if they are running late), though I do try to stay out of the way as much as possible. This family does not sound like a good fit but I'm sure you can find one that is.

[Anonymous]

I have a right to be concerned about the emotional well being of their children. I kinda have to. I am there all the time. I actually don't make that awesome of a salary, but it's all right. It pays the bills. I just find this to be a pattern in the jobs I've had and trust me, they are not super high paying. I love the children and that is why I do it. However, I may have reached burn out or like others have suggested, perhaps I need to find employers who are more involved in their children's lives where I feel more like a compliment to them, not a substitute. And yes, they are harming their children...emotionally. That is just as important of an aspect of their development as any other. Don't tell me to change how I feel. If you have absent mom guilt, then that is your issue, so don't tell me how to feel about.

The problem is not with how you feel, it is how you think.

It's nice that you are concerned with the emotional well being of the children, but it gives you no rights to judge anything that parents do. Further, your assuming that you know what is emotionally harmful for children is just your opinion. You don't seem to understand that opinions don't make you correct and it is incredibly inappropriate for you to judge your employers (especially as negatively as you have done here) because they don't do what you think they should do.

You should definitely leave the field. Your attitude is rigid and not conducive to supporting working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have a right to be concerned about the emotional well being of their children. I kinda have to. I am there all the time. I actually don't make that awesome of a salary, but it's all right. It pays the bills. I just find this to be a pattern in the jobs I've had and trust me, they are not super high paying. I love the children and that is why I do it. However, I may have reached burn out or like others have suggested, perhaps I need to find employers who are more involved in their children's lives where I feel more like a compliment to them, not a substitute. And yes, they are harming their children...emotionally. That is just as important of an aspect of their development as any other. Don't tell me to change how I feel. If you have absent mom guilt, then that is your issue, so don't tell me how to feel about.

The problem is not with how you feel, it is how you think.

It's nice that you are concerned with the emotional well being of the children, but it gives you no rights to judge anything that parents do. Further, your assuming that you know what is emotionally harmful for children is just your opinion. You don't seem to understand that opinions don't make you correct and it is incredibly inappropriate for you to judge your employers (especially as negatively as you have done here) because they don't do what you think they should do.

You should definitely leave the field. Your attitude is rigid and not conducive to supporting working parents.

Excuse me, but you obviously did not see my entire original post where I clearly stated that the preschooler is always crying cause he rarely sees his mom or dad. It makes me feel terrible. I can judge all I want as I am here more than they are. It's not simply that they are working parents. I get that. It is that they have this need to be gone ALL THE DAMN TIME even when they are not working! I hate how it affects the kids and therefore how it is began to affect me.

[Anonymous]

OP, a good nanny takes care of the kids while parents are gone. A great nanny builds connections in a family even when the family is apart. If you think the little boy is missing his parents, why not talk about all the important things that keep them busy? Or take photos of what you are doing to text to MB/DB and share their comments with him? Or tell him how much his parents love him? Or do a special activity like making a project or a treat and mail it to them?

Oh wait, your goal ISN'T to comfort the little boy and support his emotional stability. Your goal is to feel superior. If you really cared about your charge, then you would know that the hatred you display here is obvious to him, and animosity between his parents and his caregiver is toxic. Get a job with a SAHM or WAHM and you will have the same problem. Yu believe that you alone know the correct way to raise this child and any parent that defies that will fall under your judgement sooner or later. Find an office job somewhere.

--A nanny who works 65 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a good nanny takes care of the kids while parents are gone. A great nanny builds connections in a family even when the family is apart. If you think the little boy is missing his parents, why not talk about all the important things that keep them busy? Or take photos of what you are doing to text to MB/DB and share their comments with him? Or tell him how much his parents love him? Or do a special activity like making a project or a treat and mail it to them?

Oh wait, your goal ISN'T to comfort the little boy and support his emotional stability. Your goal is to feel superior. If you really cared about your charge, then you would know that the hatred you display here is obvious to him, and animosity between his parents and his caregiver is toxic. Get a job with a SAHM or WAHM and you will have the same problem. Yu believe that you alone know the correct way to raise this child and any parent that defies that will fall under your judgement sooner or later. Find an office job somewhere.

--A nanny who works 65 hours a week.

You're full of shit.

[Anonymous]

OP, a good nanny takes care of the kids while parents are gone. A great nanny builds connections in a family even when the family is apart. If you think the little boy is missing his parents, why not talk about all the important things that keep them busy? Or take photos of what you are doing to text to MB/DB and share their comments with him? Or tell him how much his parents love him? Or do a special activity like making a project or a treat and mail it to them?

Oh wait, your goal ISN'T to comfort the little boy and support his emotional stability. Your goal is to feel superior. If you really cared about your charge, then you would know that the hatred you display here is obvious to him, and animosity between his parents and his caregiver is toxic. Get a job with a SAHM or WAHM and you will have the same problem. Yu believe that you alone know the correct way to raise this child and any parent that defies that will fall under your judgement sooner or later. Find an office job somewhere.

--A nanny who works 65 hours a week.

+1000

OP is all about feeling superior and looking down on her employers. This is a toxic nanny and she should be fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a good nanny takes care of the kids while parents are gone. A great nanny builds connections in a family even when the family is apart. If you think the little boy is missing his parents, why not talk about all the important things that keep them busy?

Not the one you were responding to, but it's kind of hard to constantly have to lie to the kids when you know that it is not work or anything important keeping the parents out and away from the kids. When they decide to go out to lunch with each other, then daddy goes to play golf with a friend (not as a business networking thing, but truly for fun) and mom goes shopping for $500 jeans, goes out for coffee, stops at home to drop off her bags and then leaves again saying she wants to go to a volunteer meeting to save the state/national parks. Then afterwards, they go out to dinner together with friends, stop by some high society event afterwards just to be seen, and get home hours after the kids have gone to bed. Yeah, that was a really important day that they couldn't have decided to skip even ONE of these things to spend an hour alone with their kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a good nanny takes care of the kids while parents are gone. A great nanny builds connections in a family even when the family is apart. If you think the little boy is missing his parents, why not talk about all the important things that keep them busy?

Not the one you were responding to, but it's kind of hard to constantly have to lie to the kids when you know that it is not work or anything important keeping the parents out and away from the kids. When they decide to go out to lunch with each other, then daddy goes to play golf with a friend (not as a business networking thing, but truly for fun) and mom goes shopping for $500 jeans, goes out for coffee, stops at home to drop off her bags and then leaves again saying she wants to go to a volunteer meeting to save the state/national parks. Then afterwards, they go out to dinner together with friends, stop by some high society event afterwards just to be seen, and get home hours after the kids have gone to bed. Yeah, that was a really important day that they couldn't have decided to skip even ONE of these things to spend an hour alone with their kids...

You just proved the PP's point. It's more important to you to feel holier-than the parents than it is to explore ways to help the child and parent build connections. You aren't prioritizig the child any more than they are.

[Anonymous]

OP. I think you are being dramatic. I know if I had this type of job, I would complain. The parents are not on your back and let you dictate a lot of decisions. I would be flattered to be entrusted like this. Instead you're freaking out because y work too much and barely see their kids. But I'm sure if you did get 'your dream job' of parents who care, you might complain how they are always around. I don't think you are ever going to be satisfied. Yes it's care that you care. While you think they are not as active. The positive to this hiring you, someone who cares.If its too much en quit and if they ask why tell them, that might be a wake up call. Otherwise be thankful you have a job and if you choose to go, I hope you do find your dream job.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I would NOT complain if I had this type of job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not really typical. I work part time so I can spend more time with the kids.

If this is important to you, then you should look for it next time you find a family. Find a family where the mom seems engaged or work part time or just need an extra pair of hands because they have 4 kids, etc.

This is me too! I work part-time and I'm racing home at the end of the day to see my little one. My H who works full-time is the same way and if our LO has a bad nap day and has to go to bed on the early side he's always so disappointed not to get some playtime in. Of course if you're looking for a full-time salary you're not going to find families like us unless you combine us into a nanny share or alternate days.

But we are out there, those parents who love our kids and just want someone to help us care for them rather than do our parenting for us. In fact my nanny will be leaving us in the next year to make a career change and we'll be on the hunt for a new nanny at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not really typical. I work part time so I can spend more time with the kids.

If this is important to you, then you should look for it next time you find a family. Find a family where the mom seems engaged or work part time or just need an extra pair of hands because they have 4 kids, etc.

This is me too! I work part-time and I'm racing home at the end of the day to see my little one. My H who works full-time is the same way and if our LO has a bad nap day and has to go to bed on the early side he's always so disappointed not to get some playtime in. Of course if you're looking for a full-time salary you're not going to find families like us unless you combine us into a nanny share or alternate days.

But we are out there, those parents who love our kids and just want someone to help us care for them rather than do our parenting for us. In fact my nanny will be leaving us in the next year to make a career change and we'll be on the hunt for a new nanny at that point.

LOL. Hate to break it to you, but there are families who pay salary and still dedicate time for their kids. I'm paid salary work 37 hours average. MB works part time. DB FT and guess what? They are amazing parents.