DH’s therapist refused to talk to our marriage therapist

[Anonymous]

Why is this necessary?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think it would help? I see your husband’s therapists point. What they talk about is confidential. If he was ever annoyed or angry at you or made comments to his therapist that you were annoyingly controlling all that shouldn’t be disclosed.

Is your therapist of 6 years sharing intimate details about you to the marriage counselor? It wouldn’t be fair if someone is talking about him but not you to the marriage therapist. Your insistence makes it seem like you think all the problems in your marriage are your husband’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has to consent to it. And can. I’m completely sure she has a release of information that she’d accept if her client signed it (client meaning your husband). So blame your husband, he can give consent if he wants to.

He did consent.

DP - your husband signed consent to disclose to the couples therapist (i.e., he wants them to talk) and his individual therapist is refusing?

I’d fire her and possibly report her to the licensing board. That’s unethical.

Yes - that’s it. He says she told him this on day 1. She’s been in practice for 45+ years and demands a hefty sum. I’m pi$$ed that we can’t coordinate based on the last 6 years of therapy he has done.

NP. I agree, this sucks. But unless your DH, who did sign a consent form but who also is refusing now to consent, presses her to talk to your couples therapist, you're stuck. How is he reacting to any arguments that his individual therapy is important to the couples therapy? Has your couples therapist tried to convince him--?

At this point too, I'd be concerned that even if DH changes his mind and insists that she speak with the couples therapist, his therapist is going to be balky and unhelpful and not give the couples therapist anything useful. What a pity.

[Anonymous]

What is there to coordinate, though? Marriage therapy uses a different muscle, and has a different focus, than individual therapy. I wouldn’t necessarily think to have a marriage counselor consult with my individual therapist. I imagine you have specific circumstances that makes it more of a necessity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this necessary?

Not OP, but: This is done sometimes and is not unusual or weird. Sometimes if all parties are OK with it, the individual therapist and couples therapist talk in a limited way about issues in individual therapy which would be good for the couples therapist to know, to better have context for the couples therapy.

It's not a case of OP or the couples therapist asking for some strange or highly unusual thing. Of course the DH and his therapist do not have to honor the request but the request itself isn't out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it would help? I see your husband’s therapists point. What they talk about is confidential. If he was ever annoyed or angry at you or made comments to his therapist that you were annoyingly controlling all that shouldn’t be disclosed.

Is your therapist of 6 years sharing intimate details about you to the marriage counselor? It wouldn’t be fair if someone is talking about him but not you to the marriage therapist. Your insistence makes it seem like you think all the problems in your marriage are your husband’s fault.

I think the six years refers to the time the DH has been with his individual therapist. OP did not say she has an individual therapist of her own. Are you suggesting she should get one, so there's someone to talk about her to the marriage therapist? Your post is quick to assume that OP thinks "all the problems" are her DH's fault when she has said no such thing at all--and you can't know what she thinks. Projecting, perhaps, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I am so angry that his therapist refuses to speak to our therapist. He says she disclosed this from day one - because she will not breach confidence. I cannot understand why a professional would refuse to collaborate on care to benefit the patient. She says she will only do it by court order.

Is it me or is this total BS? Apparently she is “old school” if that means anything. I know he won’t push her on this because he will think he owes her professional respect. Our therapist called her and she didn’t return the calls. Finally she got her on the phone and the therapist said no. And that was it. It seems totally unprofessional to me.

Have you considered the possibility your dh asked her not to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has to consent to it. And can. I’m completely sure she has a release of information that she’d accept if her client signed it (client meaning your husband). So blame your husband, he can give consent if he wants to.

He did consent.

Lol. Or so he told you. His therapist won’t tell you if he didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes he signed a release.

He did it for show. He doesn't want his therapist talking to the joint therapist. His therapist is being the "bad guy" by refusing, but is doing so at your dh's request.

[Anonymous]

I hate to sound flip, but 6 years of individual therapy plus marriage therapy…is any of this helping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is the driver here, not his therapist. If *he* wants her to talk to another healthcare professional who provides care for him, she should do so. I’d argue that not doing so is unethical. That said, her resistance is bizarre and unprofessional - it would make me suspect he’s hiding something huge, frankly.

Or he simply wants to have privacy, for reasons he's not comfortable sharing with his spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes he signed a release.

He did it for show. He doesn't want his therapist talking to the joint therapist. His therapist is being the "bad guy" by refusing, but is doing so at your dh's request.

Agreed. And marriage counselor is trying to signal that to you by saying the conversation was very short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is the driver here, not his therapist. If *he* wants her to talk to another healthcare professional who provides care for him, she should do so. I’d argue that not doing so is unethical. That said, her resistance is bizarre and unprofessional - it would make me suspect he’s hiding something huge, frankly.

OP here. This does concern me. I agree - he is totally the driver. He doesn’t seem to get that he is the customer here. (Or client.)

He's playing dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has to consent to it. And can. I’m completely sure she has a release of information that she’d accept if her client signed it (client meaning your husband). So blame your husband, he can give consent if he wants to.

He did consent.

DP - your husband signed consent to disclose to the couples therapist (i.e., he wants them to talk) and his individual therapist is refusing?

I’d fire her and possibly report her to the licensing board. That’s unethical.

Yes - that’s it. He says she told him this on day 1. She’s been in practice for 45+ years and demands a hefty sum. I’m pi$$ed that we can’t coordinate based on the last 6 years of therapy he has done.

A therapist who has a universal “I won’t talk to another healthcare professional about one of my patients, even when they consent to me doing so” is unethical. Period. I say this as a licensed psychologist who doesn’t use that term lightly. My guess is she hides behind the “old school” thing and ignores her responsibility to actually practice healthcare the way it’s practiced now. Also, when people do consult in these cases, they’re not sharing every little detail of what’s discussed. It’s general information about diagnostic impressions, information that impacts the marriage, etc. Unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has to consent to it. And can. I’m completely sure she has a release of information that she’d accept if her client signed it (client meaning your husband). So blame your husband, he can give consent if he wants to.

He did consent.

DP - your husband signed consent to disclose to the couples therapist (i.e., he wants them to talk) and his individual therapist is refusing?

I’d fire her and possibly report her to the licensing board. That’s unethical.

Yes - that’s it. He says she told him this on day 1. She’s been in practice for 45+ years and demands a hefty sum. I’m pi$$ed that we can’t coordinate based on the last 6 years of therapy he has done.

A therapist who has a universal “I won’t talk to another healthcare professional about one of my patients, even when they consent to me doing so” is unethical. Period. I say this as a licensed psychologist who doesn’t use that term lightly. My guess is she hides behind the “old school” thing and ignores her responsibility to actually practice healthcare the way it’s practiced now. Also, when people do consult in these cases, they’re not sharing every little detail of what’s discussed. It’s general information about diagnostic impressions, information that impacts the marriage, etc. Unacceptable.

The therapist knows what is ethical. There are other more likely explanations why she won't consult, the most obvious being honoring dh's preference.