“ No gifts please” - what to do?
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Anonymous
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I was once invited to a friend’s birthday where the invite stated “ your presence is present enough”. I respected my friend’s wishes and didn’t bring a gift but I was surprised to see that several guests did. I felt so awkward I sent her flowers the next day. The next time I got such an invite ( from a different friend), I brought a gift but was one of only 3 guests to do so.
Lately my 13 year old daughter received an invite to a friends birthday party which also stated “ no gifts”, but all the girls brought gifts. What does the host expect when they specify this on their invite? What exactly do you do when you receive such invites? Gift or no gift? |
Anonymous
| I expect no gifts but it’s fine if you bring one. But I definitely don’t expect you to. |
Anonymous
| No gift. |
Anonymous
| No gifts means no gifts! |
Anonymous
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There’s a Curb your Enthusiasm episode about this: the character who said “no gifts” was miffed when Larry didn’t bring a gift to the party.
I don’t know if it’s virtue signaling or what. But a lot of “no gifts” parties I’ve attended have had loads of gifts, although I have never brought a gift to a no gifts party. I don’t get the psychology behind all of this. |
Anonymous
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Why do these threads appear every month?? Good manners says that a host should not force guests to not bring gifts if they want to bring gifts. But sone hosts are so desperate to come out of their cluttered homes that they indicate “PLEASE NO GIFTS” yet their guests ignore their plea. If you need to feel bad, feel bad for the host who now has to find a place for your flowers and all the other unwanted boxes of stuff.
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Anonymous
| I think it might also be the friend group? Most of my friends used to host no gift birthday parties and would get no gifts. Now they’ve switched back to gifts parties because the kids complained that there were no gifts. |
Anonymous
| I haven’t been to a no gifts party since the pandemic. Now everyone wants a gift, and some even specify to bring a bottle of wine, etc. |
Anonymous
| Thankfully the no gifts or donation only invites seemed to die a few years ago. I always brought something because of similar experiences. Wine as a host gift for an adult, food or something small for a kid party. Almost everyone showed with something. |
Anonymous
?? Not in my experience. I have both attended and hosted no gift parties since the pandemic. I have only specified no gifts for birthdays though, for regular adult parties, no gift is expected, so I don’t mention one on the invite. For birthdays, we usually ask the guests to bring something in lieu of a gift - a book for a book swap or a jacket for the local kids’ coat drive, just to give them something to do. I’m surprised that people find it so hard to believe that some hosts (yes even the kids) don’t want gifts. Our kids are the youngest of 16 cousins, so we are swimming in toys, books, bikes, etc. We used to live abroad, and no gift parties were common among our expat community because we were all used to having to pack up and move often. As the host, if I say no gifts on the invite, I really want you not to bring a gift. It’s awkward for other guests if you do, it’s awkward for me if other guests are feeling awkward, and it feels like oblivious guest behavior. |
Anonymous
+ to virtue signaling but I don’t play that game so I don’t bring a gift. |
Anonymous
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Don't bring anything. Please please please.
The fact that kids aren't getting presents at their party doesn't mean they're not getting any birthday presents -- my kids had aunts and uncles and grandparents giving presents, and they didn't need or want anything else. |
Anonymous
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Just bring a card to a no gifts party.
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Anonymous
| No gifts. If the host is doing some weird psychological manipulation that's on them. |
Anonymous
+1 |