Anonymous wrote:Just my two cents-- if this friendship is important to you, bite your tongue and be patient for a while.

One of my closest friends for years became a parent a decade after I did. Her kids were NIGHTMARES but she excused and sometimes even celebrated their "spiritedness." Trying to talk to her about it strained our friendship . She thought I was "pathologizing" because I teach kids with developmental and behavioral challenges. She hurt my feelings by pointing out times when my own kids were not perfectly behaved-- implying I was a hypocrite.

I gave up trying to talk about it, and just quietly stretched the times between visits, and arranged them to be in outdoor settings, or places where I didn't have to be the one to enforce the rules! When her kids were still getting us kicked out of restaurants and children's museums at 9 and 10 years old, she was finally ready to see they had issues that needed addressing. The family started counselling. Both kids went to counseling. They were both tested, and one was moved to an ED (emotional disturbances) program at school.

The kids' behavior improved somewhat after this. My friend was less stressed. My kids and I were less stressed when they visited!

A few years ago,she was diagnosed with cancer and died 14 months later. We talked almost every day during that time. I visited her the day before she passed.

I don't know how close you and your friend are. There were DEFINITELY times when I considered cutting off contact with my friend. But, if I had, I would have lost years with someone who was like a sister to me. I miss her now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the kid spending so much time at your house--for childcare reasons? For playdates? Is the mom there when the bad behavior is happening? You can stop having the kid over without saying the kid isn't welcome there. Just say it's not working for you and your kid.

OP here. She dopes him off for play dates and vice versa. We both work PT but opposite days and we will have one play date a week and each other’s houses. We live on the same street and it’s been nice having my son be able to play with another kid.

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that a 3yo is saying F U. I would be worried about him/her being a bad influence on my own child. Kids are like sponges and start to imitate behavior so quickly.

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that a 3yo is saying F U. I would be worried about him/her being a bad influence on my own child. Kids are like sponges and start to imitate behavior so quickly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that a 3yo is saying F U. I would be worried about him/her being a bad influence on my own child. Kids are like sponges and start to imitate behavior so quickly.

He’s 3 - Maybe he’s a bad influence? But I’d honestly be more concerned about what he’s witnessing and experiencing at home. I’m no peach, but my 6 year old certainly doesn’t know “f you”

Anonymous wrote:Put your 3 yr old in preschool. Then you no longer need to do childcare swaps with the FU kid.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that play dates are getting too stressful for you - "aren't three year olds a handful?" - and redirect invitations to girls' night out. "Let's grab drinks on Saturday night" (post covid) or "why don't you swing by after the baby's in bed and we can chat by the firepit outside". Don't tell her the child isn't welcome, but just change the plans to be adults only each time.

Anonymous wrote:I would have called his mother the first time to pick him up and there would never have been another play date and would have told her why.
Three year olds do not tell me what they are going to do when in my house. Also, I do not put up with tantrums and brats.