Losing Friendship Over Child

[Anonymous]

Here’s what academic article on swearing from an expert in child development and guidance. This is typical behavior.

https://drjuliejg.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/12-nov-07-yc-gm-swearing.pdf

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all of the comments and, pertinent to my point, I have cussed in front of my kids (now teens); however, if a 3 yo told me to “fu” in front of MY 3 year old, that would end the relationship. I don’t need my barely out of diapers preschooler hanging out with a kid who is exposing him to middle school behavior. She’s not a lifelong friend from high school, she’s just another mom on your street. You’ll be surprised that how much you don’t remember about her 10 years from now. On the other hand, you’ll be glad that your kid still has some modicum of manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many pearl clutchers. Former preschool teacher here. It’s entirely common and developmentally normal for preschool kids to experiment with swearing. It’s certainly not a reason for parents to judge each other or end a friendship. Kids are smart. They are learning words have power. And Not all kids respond well to an authoritative parenting style. OP you need to try some different techniques. Because I said so is not going to work for a lot of kids. Just because your child is compliant doesn’t make this other child or his parents bad or worse parents than you. You’re the adult. Try some new strategies. Get creative. Or just end the arrangement if you can’t figure out how to connect with this child. Based on the tone of your post, it doesn’t sound to me like you even want to make this work and have already written him off, which is a real shame.

I have 3 kids and I’ve swapped childcare with tons of families. I have never had a kid yell F U to me. I’ve never seen a kid that young swear ever. And yes, I’ve dealt with my share of tantrums and pushing boundaries. My youngest is 2 so it’s not like I had kids decades ago in a rural farm or something.

There is nothing developmentally normal about a preschooler swearing. And it’s definitely not something I would want my children around.

It’s developmentally normal. Your experience as a parent isn’t the same as my degrees and professional experience in early childhood development, sorry. I’m not going to get into an argument about this but you are wrong. Also, culture plays a role. If you are from a conservative culture that does not swear it’s likely you would not have experienced this. But many families and cultures do swear.

Wow, I"m sorry for your professional experience in early childhood development. While I am sure there are families and cultures that do swear, that doesn't mean it should be normalized for small children. The only families that I know of where swearing and foul language are common is section 8 households. Not exactly the standard to strive for.

[Anonymous]

No one is saying to normalize it. But it’s mistaken behavior, from a child who is learning to manage difficult feelings and learning to use words and figuring out how his actions impact other people. This moral grandstanding because a small child intelligently heard the f word and used it appropriately (an indicator he’s smart) in a tough moment is repugnant. The idea that somehow he or his parents should be avoided is comical. Are you guys Puritans? Must be nice to have kids who are compliant golden retrievers but some kids aren’t...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are older, but I remember explaining my very short list of "house rules" to their friends who would come over to play in grade school. No jumping on the furniture, no helping yourself to snacks (all I ask is that you please ask first), that kind of thing. If they asked for a snack they knew I would respond, "What do you say?" (answer: please followed by thank-you). My list was pretty short, but they knew the score and my kids' friends were fine with it. Strangely, my house became the go-to after school house for the neighborhood.

Let the kid know what your expectations, OP. If a kid had told me "F U", he would have gone home immediately and I would have told his mother that he swore at me. Let her ask him what he said later. That is completely unacceptable behavior.

Only the mom? Was she a single mom? If not, why not tell the dad, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many pearl clutchers. Former preschool teacher here. It’s entirely common and developmentally normal for preschool kids to experiment with swearing. It’s certainly not a reason for parents to judge each other or end a friendship. Kids are smart. They are learning words have power. And Not all kids respond well to an authoritative parenting style. OP you need to try some different techniques. Because I said so is not going to work for a lot of kids. Just because your child is compliant doesn’t make this other child or his parents bad or worse parents than you. You’re the adult. Try some new strategies. Get creative. Or just end the arrangement if you can’t figure out how to connect with this child. Based on the tone of your post, it doesn’t sound to me like you even want to make this work and have already written him off, which is a real shame.

I have 3 kids and I’ve swapped childcare with tons of families. I have never had a kid yell F U to me. I’ve never seen a kid that young swear ever. And yes, I’ve dealt with my share of tantrums and pushing boundaries. My youngest is 2 so it’s not like I had kids decades ago in a rural farm or something.

There is nothing developmentally normal about a preschooler swearing. And it’s definitely not something I would want my children around.

It’s developmentally normal. Your experience as a parent isn’t the same as my degrees and professional experience in early childhood development, sorry. I’m not going to get into an argument about this but you are wrong. Also, culture plays a role. If you are from a conservative culture that does not swear it’s likely you would not have experienced this. But many families and cultures do swear.

Wow, I"m sorry for your professional experience in early childhood development. While I am sure there are families and cultures that do swear, that doesn't mean it should be normalized for small children. The only families that I know of where swearing and foul language are common is section 8 households. Not exactly the standard to strive for.

[Anonymous]

I brought this up with a friend. She went ballistic and told the whole neighborhood that I accused her of being a bad mother. I merely said that her kids were being too destructive in my house for play dates (they were literally destroying my home). Anyway, my advice is to fade out politely. Don’t bring it up directly - not worth the drama.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Are you watching the child without the mom there? Or is this happening with mom around?

Just say you don’t want to watch him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that a 3yo is saying F U. I would be worried about him/her being a bad influence on my own child. Kids are like sponges and start to imitate behavior so quickly.

He’s 3 - Maybe he’s a bad influence? But I’d honestly be more concerned about what he’s witnessing and experiencing at home. I’m no peach, but my 6 year old certainly doesn’t know “f you”

My five year old learned this phrase at school. In kindergarten, from a kid with much older siblings. It’s not necessarily a sign that parents are swearing. Oh, and my 3 year old learned it from her brother during the short period where he was learning not to use those words after hearing them. Kids process stuff as it happens. Neither of them swear now, at 4 and 7.

[Anonymous]

When my child was 2, she somehow learned the f word. We paid so much attention to her saying that she should not say this word that she kept saying it. Once we ignored it and didn’t pay attention to it, she stopped saying it. She was very difficult at 2 and 3. I hope no one would drop me for that.

I have 2 boys now 9 and 11. They never said bad words and still don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that a 3yo is saying F U. I would be worried about him/her being a bad influence on my own child. Kids are like sponges and start to imitate behavior so quickly.

Yep. No way a 3 year old who curses is hanging out with my children.