Husband and I Disagree On Parenting Philosophies

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[Post New]02/20/2021 15:55
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:1. This is a fine age to do a schedule. We did with both kids.
Do Eat-Play-Sleep every 3-4 hours on a cycle. You can do a fixed hourly schedule but you don’t have to as long as you roughly time the cycle . Doing the Sleep part on a schedule before they get overtired helps a LOT.
2. Pediatricians are fine but they’re medical professionals and haven’t trained their whole career to be sleep coaches. They know stuff but don’t be a slave to the pediatrician.

If you do 1 will that get you and husband to agree?


We did this with all three of our babies and it was amazing to see how content and happy they were on a schedule.
[Post New]02/20/2021 15:57
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jsmith123
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I agree with you 100% that 8 weeks is too early for a schedule. You can start aiming for a routine, though. Lots of people do the eat, activity, sleep pattern, in a variety of orders depending on which book you read.

But the best answer on the thread so far, imo, was the person who suggested talking to your pediatrician. I would hope your husband would listen to the doctor you chose for your baby. If not, then you likely have a long road ahead of you.
[Post New]02/20/2021 16:09
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Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.
[Post New]02/20/2021 16:30
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jsmith123
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.


8 weeks to 10 weeks is classic time for the cranky baby witching hour.

The thing about babies at this age is that you just have to wait a few weeks and things will be different.

It's so easy to feel like "this is how things will be forever -- we need to fix it!" but the truth is, once you figure out a plan to fix it, they'll developmentally be doing something else.

Based on my (limited) experience, babies tend to get on an actual schedule between 4 & 6 months. For mine it was closer to 6 months. It'll be there soon!
[Post New]02/20/2021 16:38
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Anonymous
By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.
[Post New]02/20/2021 16:50
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.


OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.
[Post New]02/20/2021 16:51
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.


OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.


OP here. This is what he has been doing for the last two weeks. I know it will probably change in a couple more weeks. He was napping by himself for all naps until 6 weeks.
[Post New]02/20/2021 20:05
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Your baby is behaving in a totally normal way. Please continue to respond to him. He will settle into a schedule of his own. Wanting to be held almost all the time is healthy and normal for a baby that young.


My 5 year old is still like this.
My 7 year old on the other hand was a teenager as soon as he turned 4. Hugs must be earned with that one.
[Post New]02/20/2021 20:09
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.


OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.


Op, wow, you are seriously overthinking this and your husband has no clue at all what he’s talking about. Baby is hungry, feed him. Baby is cranky and crying, nap time or cuddle in a rocking chair together. It’s not rocket science, it’s a baby, he doesn’t understand your “schedule”. I swear, the internet has turned parents into stressed out crazies. What did mothers do for thousands of years without precise schedules? How did anyone grow up into healthy and functioning adults?
[Post New]02/20/2021 21:00
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.


OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.


OP here. This is what he has been doing for the last two weeks. I know it will probably change in a couple more weeks. He was napping by himself for all naps until 6 weeks.


16:38 poster back again. Looks like you’re already laying down great foundations and the afternoon cluster feeds and shorter naps can be attributed to the 7-9 wk fussy stretch. The long night stretch comes before daytime nap regularity, and it looks like your baby’s night sleep is progressing along great at usually 8 hrs. Better to have the afternoon clustering, than to have really difficult night time sleep!! This should pass, I wouldn’t worry too much about the recent need for “help” with the afternoon naps.
[Post New]02/20/2021 22:19
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.



80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.
[Post New]02/20/2021 23:18
quote
Anonymous
Just remember how fast things change at this age. You'll do whatever you are doing now for a few weeks and then have to adapt. I might suggest to your husband that you'll happily revisit a schedule in a few weeks but for now would like to be a little looser and is that okay. Just don't make it battle of the wills (hard when everyone is tired and anxious about being a new parent).

As for the poster above saying 80min is too long or the others saying do this or do that ... truthfully its all okay. The baby will get enough to eat and enough sleep. There is no perfect way and different babies need different things. (Mine never napped as much as anyone else recommended but always slept well at night ... stayed that way until now when at 4 and 5 they haven't napped at all in years but are plenty well rested.)
[Post New]02/21/2021 00:04
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.



80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.


80 minutes isn’t that long. Most babies that age are awake for 60-90 minutes.
[Post New]02/21/2021 00:06
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.



80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.


80 minutes is not too long.

What is wrong with her bedtime routine? The baby sleeps 8 hours, wakes at 4, then back to sleep until 7am. That is very good for an 8 week old. I don’t see any need to change that.

She never said anything about going to the pediatrician.
[Post New]02/21/2021 00:08
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.



80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.


80 minutes isn’t that long. Most babies that age are awake for 60-90 minutes.


OP here. He is usually down by 80 minutes but the afternoon can be harder to get him down. Not much I can do if he won’t go to sleep at before that.

Our bedtime routine is short. It’s just change diaper, clothes, and feed.

I’m not asking the pediatrician anything. I never once said anything about the pediatrician.
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