Kids bedtime advice for when you feel you are trying SO hard (age 3-5)
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Anonymous
| To follow up I ask them if they are hungry at 7. They get milk and toast, maybe a treat if they are lucky. Pee, brush teeth, pajamas. Sip of water, stories, lights off and there's no excuses. Everything else needs to wait til morning. |
Anonymous
NP here. This one is easy. Until you are in a solid routine of staying awake every day, the bedtime will continue to fluctuate. |
Anonymous
This is so hard for us. Can I ask about our obstacles? -dh gets home from work 6-45-7:15 -issues with keeping bedtime on track, discipline potentially. Especially 5yo does things to keep up the 9yo that we have to address -I volunteer one night per week, just makes our routine slightly diff -admittedly, I am boring and could eat the same lunch everyday  but DH has issues with 100% daily routines.
We keep a fairly good routine but like to end it for “we just got this new chapter book and want to do TWO more short chapter.” “Ok! Snuggle up and let’s read just a little more.” |
Anonymous
Ok, I will try even harder. I’m already putting so much into keeping him awake. Every other day or so, it’s like a trophy when DH gets home “he didn’t nap today!” We get so excited and hopeful. |
Anonymous
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Op here, I’m going to move on this evening bc, after all, I need to sleep.
****Will be back tomorrow or any number of days for updates.**** |
jsmith123
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OP my friend with 7 kids told me his trick is iPad bedtime stories.
Also, re the 3 year old. When he naps, don’t try to put him to sleep at the normal time. He won’t be tired & you will just be frustrated. Just accept that bedtime will be later that night. Maybe planning for it will make it less annoying. |
Anonymous
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I mean honestly in your shoes I’d probably safety proof their rooms and then lock them in separate rooms and leave the house (let DH listen to the meltdowns).
Alternatively, we put an Amazon echo in our 4 yo room and there’s a blues clues podcast he loves that we play on repeat. |
Anonymous
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I have a dd8 who has always fought sleep since infancy. My other child generally sleeps fine. Your struggles sound very familiar and I empathize with the frustration.
Here’s what helps: -Get her outside as early as possible in the morning. -no screens, dim house lights after dinner - no desserts after dinner. I moved desserts to the afternoon. -night time bath - just lie down with her- sometimes I fall asleep before she does And for me: - just plan to go to sleep when kids go to sleep - do things during their bedtime routine, like clean the bathroom while they bathe. Brush your teeth, change to pjs, wash your face, when they are doing it. Put their laundry away while they are getting dressed. - wake up early (5:30/6am) to have me time. Coffee, read, walk/run. |
Anonymous
Your child is exhausted! I know it seems counterintuitive but you need to start bedtime earlier. You should start baths at 6 or 6:30 at night and have your 3year old in bed ready for sleep before 7:30 pm. Everything you describe is exactly how kids behave who are sleep deprived and acting hyper from exhaustion. |
Anonymous
DP, I used melatonin with my kid from ages 3-5 every single day. It worked miracles at bedtime, and then we gradually stopped using it as he got to 5-6years old and was falling asleep easier. Our bedtimes, overnight, went from 2-3 hours to 45minutes. It was magical for us. |
Anonymous
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+1. You need a consistent daily and nightly routine. Don’t let 3 yo nap. Bedtime way earlier. Our 3 yo doesn’t nap and is in bed for the night by 7. 7:30 absolute latest if we are busy and bedtime is pushed back a bit. You have to really prioritize sleep. This may mean sacrificing family activities in the evenings, it may mean putting him to bed before your spouse is even home from work. Is better sleep worth it to you? I know it’s boring to have the same routine each day but that’s what life w young kids is... |
Anonymous
Because he’s very overtired. It’s counterintuitive but the later you let him stay up, the harder it is for him to fall asleep. I’d bet anything if you had bedtime routine done and him in bed by 7 instead of 8:30-9:40 (?!) he’d have fallen asleep within 30 mins of being in bed. It sounds like you have no consistent routine for him and are getting him ready for bed WAY too late for a 3 yo. Also, do not let him nap! You can’t really prevent the car naps but you absolutely can prevent the couch naps. |
Anonymous
| Bedtime tickets worked wonders with my kids at that age: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/become-your-childs-sleep-coach/201908/try-bedtime-tickets-easier-bedtime-your-child |
Anonymous
+2. if your kid is falling asleep on the couch at 5 or 6, why not push bedtime to 6? My 3.5 year old's regular bedtime is 7pm but we have no problem putting her to bed earlier if she's tired! |
Anonymous
+1 Mine always got hyper and fought sleep harder if she was overtired. Starting bedtime at 8:30 or 9:00 seems *really* late for a 3yo, and even for a 5yo. (Heck, even for for most 9yos) At those ages, we were starting to wind down by 6:30ish (quieter games, reading, dimming lights, etc), then bath and PJs at 7, reading in bed until 8. Every night the same time, same routine. Water bottle by the bed, so no “I’m thirsty!” calls. Lights out, mom & dad leave. One bathroom trip. March calmly back to bed every time. No lying in bed with them after initial tuck-in. If you’re there, they’ll stay awake hoping for interaction. “It’s bedtime, and at bedtime we stay in the bed.” Repeat ad nauseam. If they don’t sleep, that’s fine, as long as they’re quiet and calm and stay in bed. If you set them up for success, they’ll fall asleep when they’re ready. But every time you interact, engage, cajole, threaten, lie down with them, sing two more songs, whatever, you’re reinforcing their behavior, and they’ll keep trying new ways to stall. Consistency, routine, and disengagement are the keys. I know it’s not easy, but it will eventually work if you stick. with. it. They just need to see that you mean business, and nothing they can try will sway you. Find a mantra like “it’s bedtime now, back in bed please,” and repeat it whenever they push back. Nothing else, no discussion or engagement, especially no raising your voice, because that clues them in that that you’re about to cave and they should keep pushing. Mine is a teenager now, and goes to bed hours earlier than any of her friends, so I can honestly tell you there is hope for bad sleepers! First start moving those bedtimes back, setting up a calm, dim environment pretty much right after dinner, and then establish a routine and stick with it, no matter what. Deep breaths, repeat your mantra, walk them back, close the door. Repeat as many times as it takes. Fight through the extinction burst, because it always briefly gets worse as they frantically try out one last-ditch tactic. If you can spend the first week establishing the new expectations and another week calmly and firmly enforcing them, in two weeks things will be much better. It won’t be easy, but you can do it, I promise. |