Kids bedtime advice for when you feel you are trying SO hard (age 3-5)

[Anonymous]

Make potty time part of the bedtime routine. Anything after bedtime means that he gets walked there and back silently.

Make the routine earlier and get them into bed before they hit their second wind.

[Anonymous]

Your kids sound massively overtired. No naps after 3 pm. Wake immediately if the 3 yo nods off. Bedtime needs to be way, way earlier. I'd try 12 hours maybe even 11.5 hours after the 3 year old wakes up and 11-12 hours after the 5 year old wakes up. Unless your kids are sleeping till 9am every day, that should fall sometime between 6-8 pm.

[Anonymous]

Bedtime is all over the place. Put the 3yo down for a nap at 1pm. Wake up by 230pm. He and the 5yo should then be in bed by 8. Lights outs by 830 at the latest. Your 5yo is probably over tired. My kids are 8 and 5. They both shower every night and are in bed by 745. I read for 15 mins. Then I’m done parenting until the next day. 5yo goes to sleep. 8yo reads in bed until 845 then turns her own light out. I do not go back up.......... This had been bedtime for 8 years unless we are on vacation. Even in the summer it’s the same. Consistently is so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*10/7 update
I wasn’t able to read the responses until 8:45, so consider that I may implement them beginning tomorrow.

3yo did not nap today despite driving at 6pm.

8:30 gave each of them .5g melatonin and started bedtime
9:25 simple story and goodnight to 3yo, hugged and lovingly/firmly walked out. Didn’t seem to hear him beyond 2 minutes.
9:30 same with 5yo. He asked me for sleepy music but I told him I needed my phone for a few minutes, I’d bring it back in a little while. When I checked back at 9:35 he was out cold.
9:35 same with 9yo. She was pretty much out when we hugged her. She has been easy this year, thank goodness.

So our first 9:30ish evening in several months begins. Thanks you all, and melatonin.

This is still too late for a 3 and 5yo. Why is bedtime after 9?

[Anonymous]

That does seem late; I aim to be in bed by 9:30 myself!!! We have stupid long bedtime too, because each kid has a specific routine and little rituals we keep and it’s long but predictable and fine. What keeps us relatively sane is to start this process at 6:30 or so. Both kids in bed and lights out by 8. We use the free meditation on the Calm app and it’s the final transition. Sometimes we use melatonin if someone is hitting a total wall and just can’t fall asleep, if we are traveling, dealing with illness, or just need a guaranteed easy night, but for the most part, we don’t really need it because we stick to our checklist. So my only complaint is that it’s butt-long; however they are 4 and 7 so I know we don’t have much time left and I’m trying to “savor” it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*10/7 update
I wasn’t able to read the responses until 8:45, so consider that I may implement them beginning tomorrow.

3yo did not nap today despite driving at 6pm.

8:30 gave each of them .5g melatonin and started bedtime
9:25 simple story and goodnight to 3yo, hugged and lovingly/firmly walked out. Didn’t seem to hear him beyond 2 minutes.
9:30 same with 5yo. He asked me for sleepy music but I told him I needed my phone for a few minutes, I’d bring it back in a little while. When I checked back at 9:35 he was out cold.
9:35 same with 9yo. She was pretty much out when we hugged her. She has been easy this year, thank goodness.

So our first 9:30ish evening in several months begins. Thanks you all, and melatonin.

This is still too late for a 3 and 5yo. Why is bedtime after 9?

I agree, but I think OP is off to a good start. Overhauling the bedtime routine isn’t going to happen in one day. With the time change coming up, 9:30 will soon become 8:30. If she keeps inching bedtime back from 9:30-9:00 over the next couple weeks it will eventually become 8:00 when they’re down. I find bedtime easier too when it gets dark out early.

[Anonymous]

That is getting them to bed at 9 now will become 8 once the time changes. So she just needs to push things by 30 min before Halloween

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*10/7 update
I wasn’t able to read the responses until 8:45, so consider that I may implement them beginning tomorrow.

3yo did not nap today despite driving at 6pm.

8:30 gave each of them .5g melatonin and started bedtime
9:25 simple story and goodnight to 3yo, hugged and lovingly/firmly walked out. Didn’t seem to hear him beyond 2 minutes.
9:30 same with 5yo. He asked me for sleepy music but I told him I needed my phone for a few minutes, I’d bring it back in a little while. When I checked back at 9:35 he was out cold.
9:35 same with 9yo. She was pretty much out when we hugged her. She has been easy this year, thank goodness.

So our first 9:30ish evening in several months begins. Thanks you all, and melatonin.

OMG! Your kid doesn’t need drugs! He needs an earlier bedtime!

Going to sleep at 9:30 is ridiculously late for a 3 year old who doesn’t nap. Poor kid. You’re really screwing up his circadian rhythm with forcing him awake in the afternoon and drugging him at night. Just start bedtime at 6:30 and be done with it.

I don't think you get it. Kids that struggle to go to bed at night CAN'T fall asleep. The earlier I tried to get her to bed, the longer it took. She doesn't know how to get her brain to settle. Melatonin was a lifesaver and helped establish a bedtime routine that was literally impossible before. I tried for years.

[Anonymous]

Ugh we are going through similar. Advice we got from a medical dr from a children’s sleep clinic (I was that desperate) was basically screaming and tough love. Gate at door. Let them scream. There were more details but more specific to our family. Some nights are still better than others. We couldn’t go through with the screaming. Dropped nap and made sure to keep the kid awake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*10/7 update
I wasn’t able to read the responses until 8:45, so consider that I may implement them beginning tomorrow.

3yo did not nap today despite driving at 6pm.

8:30 gave each of them .5g melatonin and started bedtime
9:25 simple story and goodnight to 3yo, hugged and lovingly/firmly walked out. Didn’t seem to hear him beyond 2 minutes.
9:30 same with 5yo. He asked me for sleepy music but I told him I needed my phone for a few minutes, I’d bring it back in a little while. When I checked back at 9:35 he was out cold.
9:35 same with 9yo. She was pretty much out when we hugged her. She has been easy this year, thank goodness.

So our first 9:30ish evening in several months begins. Thanks you all, and melatonin.

OMG! Your kid doesn’t need drugs! He needs an earlier bedtime!

Going to sleep at 9:30 is ridiculously late for a 3 year old who doesn’t nap. Poor kid. You’re really screwing up his circadian rhythm with forcing him awake in the afternoon and drugging him at night. Just start bedtime at 6:30 and be done with it.

I don't think you get it. Kids that struggle to go to bed at night CAN'T fall asleep. The earlier I tried to get her to bed, the longer it took. She doesn't know how to get her brain to settle. Melatonin was a lifesaver and helped establish a bedtime routine that was literally impossible before. I tried for years.

I am the PP who worked with a sleep clinic. The earlier bedtime does not work for all kids with disrupted sleep. For some it’s a complicated “sleep consolidation” proceeds. At some point, we had to drop nap and keep kid awake till 9 - 9:30. Everyone is different. Ps real MD not “sleep consultant.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh we are going through similar. Advice we got from a medical dr from a children’s sleep clinic (I was that desperate) was basically screaming and tough love. Gate at door. Let them scream. There were more details but more specific to our family. Some nights are still better than others. We couldn’t go through with the screaming. Dropped nap and made sure to keep the kid awake.

This. Say goodnight, lock the door. Leave a nightlight on if you want. My god.

[Anonymous]

Op back here. We’ve had so much improvement. Still going with 1/2 melatonin. One small change that I hadn’t done before is give it to them with dinner so it has time to enter the bloodstream.

We dropped family time. Dh is fine to miss out on what I get all day. He has weekends and occasional days off, and at least now he isn’t spending the end of our family time feeling super frustrated with them.

W/o the melatonin, I don’t think we could have put them to bed earlier. I can just imagine they would all stay up in their rooms playing. I know because several times we tried early times, we found they stayed up LATER and were constantly asking for things (which becomes a game for them).

Last night, all asleep by 9, including the littlest asleep by 8:30.

What is also helping is the early sunsets.... right now it’s 6:30 and I see the light dimming quickly. Before, it felt like high noon all the way until 8pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back here. We’ve had so much improvement. Still going with 1/2 melatonin. One small change that I hadn’t done before is give it to them with dinner so it has time to enter the bloodstream.

We dropped family time. Dh is fine to miss out on what I get all day. He has weekends and occasional days off, and at least now he isn’t spending the end of our family time feeling super frustrated with them.

W/o the melatonin, I don’t think we could have put them to bed earlier. I can just imagine they would all stay up in their rooms playing. I know because several times we tried early times, we found they stayed up LATER and were constantly asking for things (which becomes a game for them).

Last night, all asleep by 9, including the littlest asleep by 8:30.

What is also helping is the early sunsets.... right now it’s 6:30 and I see the light dimming quickly. Before, it felt like high noon all the way until 8pm.

FYI dropping family time means going straight from dinner to bed. Or if not directly, rather quickly.
Before: doing dinner then direct to bedtime was depressing because of how long it took for them to sleep. We had NO meaningful evening. 10:30 and the day is done. Therefore, we spent time with the kids because at least then dh and I could accomplish something for ourselves
Now: going directly to bedtime is not depressing because we know we’ll have more evening later. The melatonin is providing that slim margin. Thanks again all.

[Anonymous]

Tell them they don't have to go to sleep but they have to be quiet they have to stay in bed.